I've been silly

[Haywain]

Hello, I recieved my letter today and have drafted up the following response, please do let me know your thoughts:

Hello,

I would like to thank you for your letter and for giving me the chance to respond.

Firstly, I would like to express my deepest regret for my actions in this situation. I am incredibly sorry for what occurred.

I boarded the train at Sheffield Station but had a ticket from Stockport. I am aware that this was a breach of railway regulations, and I extend my utmost apologies for my actions.

Money has been incredibly tight recently – I have been in the process of moving flat and was mistakenly charged for both properties, leaving me well into my overdraft and with Christmas coming up, I was extremely worried about money.

I understand that this is in no way an excuse for my actions. I understand this instance and the many others that occur must be a huge burden on the rail system and I apologise wholeheartedly for contributing to this.

It is not something I ever intend to do again. the stress from these last few days of pondering my error alone has taught me a great deal.

To ensure this kind of incident doesn’t happen again, I am looking into a fixed season ticket for Sheffield to Manchester which I hope to purchase in the new year.

If it is possible, I would very much like to settle this matter outside of court. Please allow me to pay the train fare from Sheffield to Manchester plus any administrative costs incurred by yourselves or your on the ground staff, plus any other costs you have incurred as a result of my actions.

Best,

That's not bad at all - suitably brief and although the second paragraph isn't necessary I'd be inclined to leave it in as it helps the flow of the letter.

 

[WesternLancer]

The second paragraph can go. They aren’t interested in your sob story, and if anything, just proves your intent to not pay.

Do you mean the 2nd para? It's not clear to me that that is what you think should be removed - might help the OP if you can quote or strikethrough what you mean should go for clarity.

EDIT - I see @Fawkes Cat has addressed the point that I now suspect you were suggesting @Nova1

 

[30907]

I dislike the phrase "breach of railway regulations" - a phrase which might suggest something quite trivial, as if you were trying to make light of your action. How about "against the law"?

That said, I hope you are successful in settling out of court.

 

[drenge23]

Hey all, just an update to say I received a fine of just over £100 - definitely learnt my lesson but happy with the outcome and for the stress to be over! Thanks so much for all your help on here - you guys are brilliant

 

[WesternLancer]

Hey all, just an update to say I received a fine of just over £100 - definitely learnt my lesson but happy with the outcome and for the stress to be over! Thanks so much for all your help on here - you guys are brilliant

Thanks for update - pleased to hear you consider the outcome to be OK. Good luck for the future.

 

[mikeg]

Was it an actual fine or an out of court settlement?

 

[30907]

Was it an actual fine or an out of court settlement?

Surely an out of court settlement - for short-faring a good outcome IMO.