Not so long ago I was on my way home, in first class, when the guard came in soon after leaving Victoria and caught a woman in the next bay without a first class ticket "because I'm only going to East Croydon"! He patiently explained to her that he would have to charge her £20 and she set about paying, but loudly proclaiming that he was being rude to her (he wasn't in the slightest). After a bit more of this, I loudly told her that I had heard everything the guard had said to her, that he wasn't being rude, but she was, and to behave herself. She asked what it had to do with me and I responded that her behaviour had made it to do with me, and she should stop causing a scene to try to excuse her own misdemeanour. She shut up.
Well done. That is the holy grail of dealing with a gobby person. Finding the response that is not abusive, but is firm and so solid they cannot retaliate without making themselves look even more of a prat.
