Fantasy Journeys

[neilmc]

Here's some details of a couple of journeys I made last year, apologies if our younger readers find this too ridiculous to believe.

Firstly, I went to the railway station and bought a ticket to where I was going, rather than to somewhere twenty miles further on, or a series of five splits, either of which would have been a silly waste of money. I didn't have to do so on the internet since anywhere larger than a farm halt would have a person selling tickets at the station for as long as trains were still running and you didn't have to spend half your holiday searching for advance deals. The fares were cheap, cheaper than buses in most cases, but I could, however, on occasion have paid slightly more to use an express service, although this was clearly marked as such on the timetable.

The guard/ticket collector, who actually worked for the railways, was courteous and checked our tickets; he would have also sold tickets to anyone getting on at said farm halts. All the trains ran on time, despite there being substantial freight traffic, and when we alighted we simply exited the station without having to go through any barriers since the railway company trusted the guard to do his job properly. Oh, there only was one railway company which meant we that as long as the train was going to where we were going, it had to be the right train and our ticket was valid.

Of course, such countries are notoriously backward places, having been mired in communism for half a century, and the vast improvements which capitalism and competition have brought to Britain's railways are self-evident ... aren't they??

 

[SS4]

Guess you recently got some rose-tinted specs from the opticians?

Are you comparing comparable ticket types? Have you checked the numbers? If so to the previous two have you adjusted fares for inflation? Have you considered time? Comfort? Frequency?
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Here's some details of a couple of journeys I made last year, apologies if our younger readers find this too ridiculous to believe.

Right, none of our younger readers were travelling on trains last year. By the way, last year was much the same as this year.

Firstly, I went to the railway station and bought a ticket to where I was going, rather than to somewhere twenty miles further on, or a series of five splits, either of which would have been a silly waste of money.

Sure they could have been a waste of money. Equally they could not have been. The only extra thing it would have cost you is time.

I didn't have to do so on the internet since anywhere larger than a farm halt would have a person selling tickets at the station for as long as trains were still running and you didn't have to spend half your holiday searching for advance deals.

Ah hyperbole, a classic of those rose tinted specs. I'm sure British Rail were a financial black hole which the government was basically willing to subsidise

The fares were cheap, cheaper than buses in most cases, but I could, however, on occasion have paid slightly more to use an express service, although this was clearly marked as such on the timetable.

Citation Needed. Remember to adjust for inflation and to choose comparable fares

The guard/ticket collector, who actually worked for the railways, was courteous and checked our tickets; he would have also sold tickets to anyone getting on at said farm halts. All the trains ran on time, despite there being substantial freight traffic, and when we alighted we simply exited the station without having to go through any barriers since the railway company trusted the guard to do his job properly.

I see you subscribe to the Daily Mail theory of railway staff. Most staff remain courteous and still sell tickets for unstaffed stations.
BIB: I highly doubt that!

Oh, there only was one railway company which meant we that as long as the train was going to where we were going, it had to be the right train and our ticket was valid.

Which means they could charge what they liked.

Of course, such countries are notoriously backward places, having been mired in communism for half a century, and the vast improvements which capitalism and competition have brought to Britain's railways are self-evident ... aren't they??

The cost of living in those countries is also lower. Sure privatisation has largely failed but I still think you'll discarding the bad bits of BR and the good bits of Private ownership.

 

[dangie]

Very good Neil. However you ommited that you were probably the only person on the train...

 

[Badger]

Very good Neil. However you ommited that you were probably the only person on the train...

So I keep ranting about the Birmingham to Leicester train's ridiculous overcrowding and shorterned leg room, here's my fantasy journey.

I get to New Street during the rush hour to find that the train is arriving on the platform I'm on, so I just walk a little bit forward and board the train in front of me. The train leaves as soon as I get on it because it's running half an hour late. All of the usual people off the train have caught the half-an-hour-later one instead, so all the way from Birmingham to Leicester I am the only person in the entire carriage. There is no music, no standing, no extortionate trolley, and the weather is glorious the entire way. The guard is cheery and making jokes, and checks my ticket without any problems. We arrive at Leicester timely and the ticket barriers are open and finding it's been rerouted due to road works, I step straight out of the station onto a free bus to practically my front door that I normally miss.

...oh wait, that actually happened!

There is nothing quite like seeing a train normally packed like sardines completely empty.

 

[LexyBoy]

So I walked onto my train in the morning, which was on time and clean as it always is. After leaving the station the guard came round checking for tickets. I reached into my back pocket to pull out my season ticket only to realise to my panic that it wasn't there. I looked at the guard who smiled politely and suggested I check the other pocket. I did so, and noticed that not only was it not there, but there wasn't a pocket. In fact, I wasn't wearing any trousers at all! Red faced, I turned to the guard again to see that his smile had spread to fill his whole face and from the black hole swarms of centipedes skittered out. As they crawled up my legs, the guard closed his mouth with a laugh, slurping back a few stray legs and said "never mind, I've seen you around before so I'll let you off this time" and resumed his stroll down the bus. By now we were nearly at the stop so I pushed the bell, hopped down the steps with a cheery wave to the driver and swam across the pond to the office.

 

[tsr]

So I keep ranting about the Birmingham to Leicester train's ridiculous overcrowding and shorterned leg room, here's my fantasy journey.

I get to New Street during the rush hour to find that the train is arriving on the platform I'm on, so I just walk a little bit forward and board the train in front of me. The train leaves as soon as I get on it because it's running half an hour late. All of the usual people off the train have caught the half-an-hour-later one instead, so all the way from Birmingham to Leicester I am the only person in the entire carriage. There is no music, no standing, no extortionate trolley, and the weather is glorious the entire way. The guard is cheery and making jokes, and checks my ticket without any problems. We arrive at Leicester timely and the ticket barriers are open and finding it's been rerouted due to road works, I step straight out of the station onto a free bus to practically my front door that I normally miss.

...oh wait, that actually happened!

There is nothing quite like seeing a train normally packed like sardines completely empty.

I might have a comparable and very surprising story. The following is 100% true and took place within the last six months.

I am standing at London Victoria and I am being informed that there are major disruptions to services due to some excuse or other. The announcements and screens do show that a service on Platform 19 will shortly depart - on time, no less - to Redhill, a station I frequently use, and which is where I need to alight on this journey. A pleasant barrier attendant is monitoring the gateline that I pass through in order to get to my train. I then board the train, which is clean, still shown as on time and almost empty. Due to the disruption, the local TOC, Southern, have decided to run this service fast to Redhill, in order to serve local and interchanging passengers the better. There are several clear announcements on the platform and at least three on the train, so everyone knows where it's going. The train sets off on time, and arrives in fewer than 27 minutes at my destination - thereby making itself early by any standards. Whilst I am on board, the conductor checks the tickets and thanks me politely for my custom, as well as having a short chat about the revised service. Only one passenger complains about stops that have been omitted from the pattern, and had misheard the announcement, but he is put on a northbound service to the station he needed (he is dealt with firmly but with no quibble or any extra transaction). Throughout my journey, I have been past some interesting major infrastructure, through long tunnels and through a variety of scenery. The sun has been shining and the journey has been most pleasant. I feel that Southern have provided an excellent service on a day of major disruption.

Shocked?

 

[neilmc]

Oh, and my father-in-law got away without paying at all.

Before you all try to discern his name and address and send some railway heavies to his house to "invite" him to pay a few hundred quid to avoid a criminal record, I should add that this European railway actually offers free travel to over-65s from anywhere in the EU.

Yes I do like hyperbole but I also rather like travelling in Eastern Europe.