Entertaining 'lazy' or 'overhelpful' announcements

[MidnightFlyer]

Gosh, not somebody else who thinks that song is a real pro-USA patriotic song?! Oh dear.........

All about how awful is the US is isnt it? Pople just hear the title and assume its good

 

[Ferret]

All about how awful is the US is isnt it? Pople just hear the title and assume its good

Pretty much! Still, at least 'Scotsman' didn't use it in a Presidential campaign....unlike Ronald Reagan!

 

[Max]

There's a guard on XC who refers to Birmingham as "capital of the West Midlands" and sings the praises of the Bus Station!

 

[class313]

I was on the Jubilee Line two days ago, and the driver said at Finchley Road

'Please Mind the gap between the train and the platform when you depart, so don't fall into that'

very funny

 

[dstrat]

There's an EMT guard that seems to enjoy singing remote Lincolnshire stations in an ecclesiastical style...

Think I might know who you are talking about...wears a massive cross. Think he's got great energy

 

[stut]

All about how awful is the US is isnt it? Pople just hear the title and assume its good

It's about Vietnam and the subsequent treatment of veterans, IIRC.

 

[222007]

I once heard on a voyager soon after they had been introduced and were having trouble with reliability

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen we are now arriving into derby, derby will be your next station call. We are arriving here 3 minutes early and on behalf of Virgin trains would like to apologize for any inconvenience this may cause to your journey today"

I have to say i found this rather a musing

 

[mrcheek]

Still the best I ever heard:

"Today on South West Trains we have an opportunity for one lucky passenger to upgrade to First Class. The sole has come off the drivers shoe, so if anybody has some sellotape, or an elastic band, he would be very grateful"

something like that anyway

 

[gordonthemoron]

Best I've heard was on the 16:30 departure from Kings Cross to Newcastle on new year's eve 1993:

Shortly before departure from KX, guard comes on intercom with the following message:

'I would like to welcome passengers on this 16:30 service from Kings Cross to Newcastle, the Centre of the Universe"

 

[class313]

One of the funniest mainline announcements was when 60163 'Tornado' made its first run into KX, and the driver of a local service following behind it, picking up all the enthusiasts said 'please move right down the carriage, sorry for the overcrowding, god, all this for a steam engine'

 

[sprinterguy]

That has reminded me of an amusing station announcement at New Street recently: It was when "Princess Elizabeth" was starting "The Midlander" charter to London, and the usual safety announcement had some extra embellishments added: "The train now standing at platform X is a private charter service. Please mind the gap when boarding this service. If you do not intend to travel on this train, please stay behind the yellow line and do not become over-excited, it's only a steam train" Or words to that effect. I definitely remember the "do not become over-excited" bit

 

[stut]

There's the probably apocryphal:

"For the benefit of passengers, the buffet car is now closed."

and a recent:

"This is your conductor speaking. We apologise for the late running of this service, this is due to late running of the inbound service due to a power failure near Peterborough. We will be waiting a few more minutes while the driver gets himself a coffee from the end of the platform. I know him, and it's worth the wait."
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

That has reminded me of an amusing station announcement at New Street recently: It was when "Princess Elizabeth" was starting "The Midlander" charter to London, and the usual safety announcement had some extra embellishments added: "The train now standing at platform X is a private charter service. Please mind the gap when boarding this service. If you do not intend to travel on this train, please stay behind the yellow line and do not become over-excited, it's only a steam train" Or words to that effect. I definitely remember the "do not become over-excited" bit

There was something similar at Liverpool Street, when the Oliver Cromwell came in. There was an announcement along the lines of "we have a special steam-hauled charter service departing from platform 6, barrier staff will be happy to let you through to have a look if you would like to. The more hardened enthusiasts should wait at the barrier end, as you'll probably be more interested in the diesel engine pulling it in."

 

[leedstraindude]

Has to be Chris Howells! Last heard of living in San Francisco!!! He had loads of sayings - 'Sultry Steel City of Sheffield' was one, there were many many others!

Nope, I know who does that announcment and its someone still on XC!!
Will have to let him know hes famous!!

 

[me123]

I once heard on a voyager soon after they had been introduced and were having trouble with reliability

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen we are now arriving into derby, derby will be your next station call. We are arriving here 3 minutes early and on behalf of Virgin trains would like to apologize for any inconvenience this may cause to your journey today"

I have to say i found this rather a musing

I've heard Virgin Trains staff do this quite a few times. Always gets a few giggles, as does "Sunny Glasgow Central".

Passengers really do like the more comical and animated announcements, such as the ones on this thread. Although, I imagine that doing them every day would probably just make them annoying; like the Go Compare advert without the whimsy.

 

[EM2]

The difficult bit when doing an announcement is trying to a. not trip over your words and b. form them into coherent sentences.
I have a colleague who says 'please listen for further audio announcements' and it *really* gets on my wick!

 

[scotsman]

Gosh, not somebody else who thinks that song is a real pro-USA patriotic song?! Oh dear.........

I know fine well it's not patriotic! It's a big dig about Vietnam and the unfairness of the American Dream!

However, it's very good at rubbing people's faces in it when they're playing the US!

 

[lm321412]

I had a conductor or driver (not entirely sure) who made an announcement on our 456 when we arrived into London Victoria "Ladies and Gentleman, we are now arriving into London Victoria where this train terminates. I do hope you have a good evening tonight and enjoy your weekend. Goodbye, Au revoir and Auf Wiedersehen.

 

[northwichcat]

Annoucement at Altrincham a few years ago:

Platform 3 for the 10:00 service to Blackpool North calling at Navigation Road, Stockport, Manchester Piccadilly, Manchester Oxford Road, Deansgate, Salford Crescent, Bolton and other stations on the way to Blackpool.

The usual platform announcer at Altrincham is quite assuming anyway as he says "The Traaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn at platform .........."

 

[Wyvern]

The Matlock train was busy this morning being the end of the holidays. Two 153s and I counted six push chairs at least. Announcement at Matlock Bath "Please make sure you take all your belongings, pushchairs and children with you."

 

[stut]

There used to be a steward on the East Coast run (back in Intercity days - not long after electrification) who always sounded like he'd, umm, been quality testing the miniatures before selling them to the general public.

He would always announce, triumphantly, your arrival into Scotland, and, at every possibility, remind passengers of the "llllllliiiiiiiiicesensssed refreeeeeeeeeeshments" available.

(Please don't tell me he descended into alcoholism and met an unhappy end. If he did, I withdraw my amusement at the announcements...)

 

[43021HST]

I think most of us like to add a personal touch but management frown upon it so...

I soppose thats because mangement insists on you lot acting like monotone robots with no human emotion.

 

[Ferret]

I know fine well it's not patriotic! It's a big dig about Vietnam and the unfairness of the American Dream!

However, it's very good at rubbing people's faces in it when they're playing the US!

Oh good!!! Got to disagree about it rubbing anyone's face in it though - too easy to come back with a withering put down I'm afraid.

 

[scotsman]

Oh good!!! Got to disagree about it rubbing anyone's face in it though - too easy to come back with a withering put down I'm afraid.

For example?

"Where were you at the world cup?"
"At home laughing at you"

 

[Mintona]

I tend to sound pretty robotic on my announcements. I sometimes even attempt to speak in exactly the same accent as our automatic announcer, usually just top keep me sane on late night trips! Sometimes put an extra twist in though, the other day I said "if you're off to White Hart Lane tonight, I hope Spurs win for you and if you're off to Reading Festival, I do hope you don't get too wet" upon arrival at St. Pancras.

 

[trentside]

Just returned from a day trip to London, and heard a couple of interesting announcements;

One of the EMT train managers made excellent announcements, with a good tone of voice and a good balance of ticket information. However, they did go a little overboard when announcing that the 'static trolley' (i.e. 'buffet') were offering 'carbonated soft drinks for sale'.

On the Bakerloo Line, on coming into Baker Street, the T/Op made a very well spoken announcement regarding the Jubilee Line closure. After trying to shut the doors once, he re-opened them and said "Ok Ladies, just get on!" - to the people who were trying to hold the doors open.

 

[AeroSpace]

At King's Cross St Pancras tube station with no Circle/Hammersmith trains running. Metropolitan line train arrives, half the people on the platform get on. Station announcer says:

"Ladies and gentleman, if you are still on the platform you are making an ERROR."

 

[Bittern]

I've never had an "exciting" announcement. In fact, pretty much all the guards sounds bored and sometimes you can't make out what they're saying!

 

[plannerman]

Last week on the Merseyrail Northern Line, heading towards Southport - the scrolling display on board was stuck on 'next station - Sandhills'. "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the guard. As you might have noticed, the nice electronic lady who tells us where we are seems to think the next stop is Sandhills. If you've been paying any attention at all, you'll realise she's wrong. So we have to ask ourselves a few questions. What is her Sandhills fixation? Has she got a fella there? And how come he's let her out of the kitchen in the first place?"
It got a good round of applause

 

[PR1Berske]

Haha.

Virgin train from Lancaster to Preston last week, just as we were pulling into Preston, the usual "change at Preston for stations to...." thing, made all the better with little flourishes of "....lovely little St ANNES on the Sea...." "...Blackburn and all sorts of places like that over that way out"

I remember a Northern Rail train pulling into Chorley, described as "God's own country" by the conductor

 

[12CSVT]

Many years ago I was on a HST waiting for its departure time at Swansea. About 5 minutes before departure the guard made the usual PA annnouncement "this is the XX XX to London Paddington calling at .... , change at Cardiff Central for (announces just about every station in Cardiff Valleys), change at Newport for (announces all the stations up to Crewe, change at Bristol Parkway for (announces just about every station you could travel direct from Bristol Parkway including all the main stations down to Penzance, all WCML stations north of Birmingham, and all stations from Doncaster to Aberdeen). The whole lot was repeated when we were on the move.