Anyway, it turns out that, in order to save on potential electrification costs south of Brighton, Plymouth is to be moved to the North West which will result in the displacement of the greater part of Manchester which, in turn, re-locates to a brownfield site in Yorkshire as soon as the existing tenants operating Kellingley Colliery vacate. This will then enable the electrification of the Wolds Coast Line from Hullcaster serving the local market town of Duffield and the important coastal resorts of Basildon, Filton and Narborough with junction improvements at Sea Mills to enable trains to approach at higher speeds than hitherto.
The total cost will be far less than electrification between Plymouth and Brierfield, to where the naval dockyard will be transferred, and the construction of HS3, and has been costed in accordance with best ministerial practice of double counting, payment of consultant's fees, massive cost overruns and likely contractual disputes with the Caymon Islands based firm of construction engineers who claim that they could complete the whole scheme in two years, charge nothing and pay us a bonus.
The plan was audited by a group of experienced professionals when the Chancellor showed a copy to a group of nursery school children on a headline grabbing visit to the North, South, East, West or somewhere when Kylie of Reception Class 1 suggested the planting of a large flower in Burnley Town Centre to be watered daily by the Jolly Green Giant.
In a statement issued recently the minister responsible for the state of transport, Kenneth Barbiemann, said that the scheme was good for the railways, good for the environment, good for the taxpayer and would provide a special boost for the hard working families who rely on the Rutland shipbuilding industry for a living and assured the residents of Godmanchester that re-location would not adversely affect any allotment gardens in Stoke-on-Tay.
Jack Dee will be 53 in September.
