Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Gloster]

They are both said differently, "teer up" - to cry; "tair up" - to wreck.

But they are spelt the same, so it is not obvious in a piece of text.

 

[Bletchleyite]

But they are spelt the same, so it is not obvious in a piece of text.

It usually is by context. Along similar lines I doubt many tickets are incorrectly sold to Waterloo Merseyside at booking offices south of the Thames.

 

[D6130]

But they are spelt the same, so it is not obvious in a piece of text.

"Tears for fears"!....or, as they say in the theatre, "Tiers for Fiers"! Showing my age now.... I'll get my coat!

 

[GordonT]

Manufacturers of ready meals who entreat the consumer to remove the film covering before cooking which then promptly fragments within the peeling back process instead of affording a nice unbroken removal of the film in its entirety. M&S tend to be less prone to this in comparison to their contemporaries, possibly reflected within their higher pricing.

 

[Gloster]

When you try to look up a line from a song on Google and, because you forget to add lyric or quote after it, AI thinks you are chatting it up and replies flirtatiously. The world is truly insane.

 

[GordonT]

An annoying stablemate of interviewees on the TV or those in a business setting prefacing their verbal response to a question with the word "So....".
It is the use of the word "To" as in "To Henry's point about the Annual Accounts.............."

 

[Jon_jpwh]

Annoying websites where you are logged into your account and it takes an age to find the button to click so that you can log out when you have finished.

 

[GusB]

CD cases or, more specifically, double CD cases. Is the inner hinge on the left or the right?

I realise that this is probably utterly irrelevant to our younger viewers (what's a CD?!) but it's irritating nonetheless!

 

[Sorcerer]

Here's one I came up with in the moment. I'd like to ban anyone who genuinely believes Taylor Swift is bigger than Michael Jackson from the internet. I know she's popular and I know she has a fanbase but believing that she's somehow surpassed the king of pop is a delusion of the most dangerous levels!

 

[SargeNpton]

Here's one I came up with in the moment. I'd like to ban anyone who genuinely believes Taylor Swift is bigger than Michael Jackson from the internet. I know she's popular and I know she has a fanbase but believing that she's somehow surpassed the king of pop is a delusion of the most dangerous levels!

On the other hand, she's never been accused of molesting children.

 

[Purple Train]

It's a challenge for me to work out which of Swift or Jackson I want to ban most, to be honest. I've never found them particularly inspiring musically or morally.

 

[35B]

I’d settle for both…

 

[Brightonboy]

This may be a sensitive one for some, but I get irritated by flowers on memorial benches.... Let me explain.
I live in a seaside town with quite a few cliff top park benches overlooking the beaches and sea. Many of those benches have been donated and dedicated in memory of past local residents and I applaud that. But in some cases bunches of flowers are deposited, and secured, on them on key dates (birthdays etc) and that, in itself, is nice. But... where those bunches are left on the seat or back rests of the benches they have the effect of making the bench partly unusable (or usable in a way which I feel is disrespectful) and this is bad enough when the flowers are fresh but when they are well past their best they look unsightly as well.
Flowers are nice but can't they be placed at the side or, at least, on the outside ends or back of the benches? Please?

 

[Mr. SW]

Taylor Swift is like being fed plain boiled rice. Not unpleasant at first but it begins to get a bit samey after a while.

 

[Falcon1200]

I am not a fan of either Michael Jackson or Taylor Swift's music, but that applies to a lot of other artists too! But they should not be banned any more than my particular likes should be banned by those (the majority) who do not share them.

What definitely should be banned however are car music systems which blast out the sound so loud that my ears hurt when they go past.

 

[GordonT]

What definitely should be banned however are car music systems which blast out the sound so loud that my ears hurt when they go past.

Also to include delivery vans with loud music systems and vehicles which regularly park over the majority of the pavement as an overflow to the vehicles already on their driveway, in defiance of legislation regarding parking on pavements and comfortably relying upon lethargic enforcement by designated authorities.

 

[DelW]

This may be a sensitive one for some, but I get irritated by flowers on memorial benches.... Let me explain.
I live in a seaside town with quite a few cliff top park benches overlooking the beaches and sea. Many of those benches have been donated and dedicated in memory of past local residents and I applaud that. But in some cases bunches of flowers are deposited, and secured, on them on key dates (birthdays etc) and that, in itself, is nice. But... where those bunches are left on the seat or back rests of the benches they have the effect of making the bench partly unusable (or usable in a way which I feel is disrespectful) and this is bad enough when the flowers are fresh but when they are well past their best they look unsightly as well.
Flowers are nice but can't they be placed at the side or, at least, on the outside ends or back of the benches? Please?

I've seen somewhere (and I can't remember where, or even whether it was in this country) where a line of memorial benches each had a little metal fitting on the ends of the backrests, to hold a floral tribute. I thought that was a neat solution, and several of them were in use. It's a hazy memory, so probably from quite a few years ago - perhaps they should be promoted by park authorities?

 

[Gloster]

Tourists who stand blocking the only door to a shop as they stare open mouthed at the shelves. Fruit! Vegetables! Sandwiches! Soft drinks! Do you not have such things in whichever mainland hole you have emerged from? Or are you astounded that the simple folk of the Isle of Wight don’t live on dung and water lapped up from puddles?

 

[Uncle Buck]

Tourists who stand blocking the only door to a shop as they stare open mouthed at the shelves. Fruit! Vegetables! Sandwiches! Soft drinks! Do you not have such things in whichever mainland hole you have emerged from? Or are you astounded that the simple folk of the Isle of Wight don’t live on dung and water lapped up from puddles?

In similar vein I am often amused by how Londoners seem to think that the rest of the country is living in the 1980s. I overheard this exchange between someone with a posh London accent in a cafe recently:

“Do you do…flat whites?”
“Yes”
“Do you do…oat milk?”
“Yes”
“And can I pay with…my card?”
“Of course”
“Oh that’s amazing!”

 

[GordonT]

In similar vein I am often amused by how Londoners seem to think that the rest of the country is living in the 1980s. I overheard this exchange between someone with a posh London accent in a cafe recently:

“Do you do…flat whites?”
“Yes”
“Do you do…oat milk?”
“Yes”
“And can I pay with…my card?”
“Of course”
“Oh that’s amazing!”

In broad agreement - only slight cautionary note, "amazing" appears to have become prone to an alternative inference of "that's very helpful" rather than the traditional inference of "incredibly surprising" (see also "awesome").

 

[The exile]

Tourists who stand blocking the only door to a shop as they stare open mouthed at the shelves. Fruit! Vegetables!

Well, proper greengrocer’s shops (with or without the accompanying apostrophes) are getting hard to find.
As to what I’d ban - the inflationary use of words. (Eg “shocked, amazed, horrified, disgusted” as a reaction to a sandwich flavour not being available or costing 5p more than last time you bought it in 2006).

 

[Bald Rick]

Well, proper greengrocer’s shops (with or without the accompanying apostrophes) are getting hard to find.
As to what I’d ban - the inflationary use of words. (Eg “shocked, amazed, horrified, disgusted” as a reaction to a sandwich flavour not being available or costing 5p more than last time you bought it in 2006).

On that note, use of the word “shocked” or “chaos” on these pages when a few trains are delayed.

 

[Techniquest]

On that note, use of the word “shocked” or “chaos” on these pages when a few trains are delayed.

I’m shocked at the chaos that post will create!



(Just for clarity, I’m not being even remotely serious!)

In addition to that, I’d add the excessive use of ‘oh my god!’ for just about any silly little thing that happens.

 

[GordonT]

I’m shocked at the chaos that post will create!



(Just for clarity, I’m not being even remotely serious!)

In addition to that, I’d add the excessive use of ‘oh my god!’ for just about any silly little thing that happens.

Also the incessant use of the response "Perfect!" as you itemise each requirement on a drinks order or similar.

 

[The exile]

On that note, use of the word “shocked” or “chaos” on these pages when a few trains are delayed.

My real bugbear is “carnage” - even on its worst days the Euston scrum has yet to result in mangled and dismembered bodies.

 

[AM9]

Also the incessant use of the response "Perfect!" as you itemise each requirement on a drinks order or similar.

Or the pathetic misuse of 'carnage' to describe a delay to rail.services. Carnage means far worse than these posters have ever witnessed and it involves real blood and worse! Fake sensationalism undermines the language's use to describe real events.

 

[Gloster]

Some years back I was writing an article that included mention of the provision of cranes in goods yards. Spellcheck kept changing cranage to carnage in the text.

 

[Techniquest]

Also the incessant use of the response "Perfect!" as you itemise each requirement on a drinks order or similar.

I found myself doing something similar recently, I think it’s a retail/service thing as people seem to expect it these days!

 

[GordonT]

I found myself doing something similar recently, I think it’s a retail/service thing as people seem to expect it these days!

I suppose it has the virtue of being well-intended despite being a bit jarring to some for its seeming overexpansiveness.

 

[Richard Scott]

Or the pathetic misuse of 'carnage' to describe a delay to rail.services. Carnage means far worse than these posters have ever witnessed and it involves real blood and worse! Fake sensationalism undermines the language's use to describe real events.

Don't forget if it's not carnage it's a crisis!