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Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

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Sun Chariot

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16 Mar 2009
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2 miles and 50 years away from the Longmoor Milita
Because there are loads of people sat not occupying all the avaliable space!
That's right. Because driving just one car length behind the vehicle in front at 50mph is safe.
The reason the vehicles are driving so slowly - it is the sheer volume of traffic on a trunk road which has lost a third of its flow capacity.
 
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Drogba11CFC

Member
Joined
15 Sep 2009
Messages
941
Also exceedingly annoying are self-checkout machines that are clearly permanently configured for card-only use with appropriate fixed signs, yet still direct the customer to a payment method screen where they have to select the card option, the only one available.
Let's not forget those who pay in card at the CASH self service checkout.
 

Peter C

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13 Oct 2018
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4,739
Location
GWR land
God they're awful now. Be careful, take breaks etc but please still gamble with us oh and you can do it any time, any place on your mobile devices. Personally, I hate the whole filthy exploitative gambling industry with a burning passion so I'd close it all down entirely.
Yes, yes, yes! I am sick and tired of the gambling adverts on YouTube now. And they all follow the same formula:

Bet with us! Gamble with us! Spend! Spend! Bet! Gamble!
(By the way please take breaks)

-Peter
 

Bald Rick

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Joined
28 Sep 2010
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35,965
and more power to you!

I would ban people from being so inattentive that even when an available checkout is right in front of them, they don't go to it and just stand holding up the queue

+1. I’ve give up tapping them on the shoulder now, and just go past.
 

Northumbriana

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Joined
9 Dec 2022
Messages
177
Location
Northumberland
That's not entitled that's literally following the highway code, in congestion all the space should be used.
I think we need a publicity campaign to remind people of this as too many people still seem to have not realised.
God they're awful now. Be careful, take breaks etc but please still gamble with us oh and you can do it any time, any place on your mobile devices. Personally, I hate the whole filthy exploitative gambling industry with a burning passion so I'd close it all down entirely.

Also exceedingly annoying are self-checkout machines that are clearly permanently configured for card-only use with appropriate fixed signs, yet still direct the customer to a payment method screen where they have to select the card option, the only one available.
"You can gamble anywhere, at any time!"

But also "not everytime needs to be gambling time."

Just tell the alcoholic to put the lid back on the bottle.
 

dgl

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Joined
5 Oct 2014
Messages
3,070
I think we need a publicity campaign to remind people of this as too many people still seem to have not realised.

"You can gamble anywhere, at any time!"

But also "not everytime needs to be gambling time."

Just tell the alcoholic to put the lid back on the bottle.
Whn in actual fact the gambling companies are really saying,
"we by law have to tell you to gamble responsibly but our shareholders and management would rather you didn't, you can just get another mortgage it will be fine "
 

py_megapixel

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Joined
5 Nov 2018
Messages
7,520
Location
Northern England
The ventilation fans on every single Alexander Dennis Enviro 400 bus I have ever been on. They make a horrible whining noise, particularly near the front of the top deck, whenever switched on but seem to achieve very little meaningful ventilation.

For those not aware, they are one of the most popular models of buses in the country and they have been built in some form or another for around 20 years now. Surely it isn't beyond the wit of man to design a better ventilation system.
 

High Dyke

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Joined
1 Jan 2013
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5,023
Location
Yellabelly Country
The sprogs that lives in the house that backs on to mine. I really appreciate being woken up every morning by her screaming and shouting for about two hours before she goes to school.

Cash machines that ask if you want to "check your balance" and then wonder if you want a receipt or show the balance when you've clearly selected the ' no' option.
 

dangie

On Moderation
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4 May 2011
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2,353
Location
Rugeley Staffordshire
Those who live in the Stafford area and use Chaserider bus services.
Their buses must be the worst of the worst. I really don’t know where they get them from. They bang, rattle, shake more than any fairground ride. It really is torture to travel on them. Reaching your destination is both welcomed and relief.
 

dangie

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4 May 2011
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2,353
Location
Rugeley Staffordshire
I know I shouldn't say this as I love nature, but I bloody hate pigeons. The vermin of the bird world. Rats with wings. The only benefit I can see in a pigeon is that it provides a tasty meal for a sparrowhawk (other birds of prey are available).

Of course, whether you like pigeons or not will depend on where you live and more importantly where the pigeons live. Unfortunately me & pigeons live in close proximity. They wake me up every morning with their cooing. They eat all the food I put out for other birds. They sh*t everywhere. They are a bloody nuisance.

Every time I watch a nature programme, they'll say 'x' bird is in decline. This doesn't seem to apply to pigeons.....
 

Indigo Soup

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Joined
17 May 2018
Messages
1,488
We get wood pigeons, feral pigeons (or just possibly rock doves, they're the same species), and a solitary collared dove in our garden. And not infrequently on the roof directly above my office. It's the %@$&*! rooks that eat all the food, scare the small birds away, and wake us up at first light.

Another one for the list: [First Name]'s Law. I have no problem in principle with someone who's experienced something awful, or their family, campaigning for a change in the law to prevent that happening to anone else. But can we please stop with the mawkish 'naming' of that law after the person that inspired it?

If it isn't a good enough law to get through on its own merits, it probably ought not to be a law!
 

GatwickDepress

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Joined
14 Jan 2013
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2,588
Location
Leeds
I know I shouldn't say this as I love nature, but I bloody hate pigeons. The vermin of the bird world. Rats with wings. The only benefit I can see in a pigeon is that it provides a tasty meal for a sparrowhawk (other birds of prey are available).

Of course, whether you like pigeons or not will depend on where you live and more importantly where the pigeons live. Unfortunately me & pigeons live in close proximity. They wake me up every morning with their cooing. They eat all the food I put out for other birds. They sh*t everywhere. They are a bloody nuisance.

Every time I watch a nature programme, they'll say 'x' bird is in decline. This doesn't seem to apply to pigeons.....
Aw, I love pigeons! They're highly intelligent and hygienic creatures; it's not their fault that we domesticated and abandoned them.
Where does Murphy’s & Sod’s fit in?
Or Cole's?
 

Calthrop

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6 Dec 2015
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3,689
"Off at tangent" -- I neither loathe nor love pigeons; but have recently happened by chance on a wonderful word, new to me: pullastrine -- of or pertaining to pigeons.
 

Gloster

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Joined
4 Sep 2020
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13,044
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Up the creek
I know I shouldn't say this as I love nature, but I bloody hate pigeons. The vermin of the bird world. Rats with wings. The only benefit I can see in a pigeon is that it provides a tasty meal for a sparrowhawk (other birds of prey are available).

Of course, whether you like pigeons or not will depend on where you live and more importantly where the pigeons live. Unfortunately me & pigeons live in close proximity. They wake me up every morning with their cooing. They eat all the food I put out for other birds. They sh*t everywhere. They are a bloody nuisance.

Every time I watch a nature programme, they'll say 'x' bird is in decline. This doesn't seem to apply to pigeons.....

A story from the great Tom Lehrer. He was recording one of his songs with an orchestra and the parts only arrived at the last minute, but without lyrics or title. They ran through it and the pianist remarked, “What a pleasant little waltz“. The engineer said, “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, Take One”. The pianist said, “What”, and fell off his stool.
 

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