Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[urbophile]

Men in sandals.

and in shorts. Unless the temperature is over 25 degrees.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 22 Mar 2023 ==

Anyone who spells the word 'gauge' as 'guage' should be banned from ever travelling by train again.

I'd ban irrational British spellings. Why not 'gage' as in greengage? Or is gauze pronounced gaze?

 

[D6130]

I think a lot of people get confused by the spellings of 'gauge' and 'guard'.

 

[Howardh]

OK of random things that should be banned I think I've got my personal best today.

You know lorries like bin wagons have "this vehicle is reversing" on the loud speaker?

Today, waiting behind one at the lights, I had to put up with "this vehicle is turning left...this vehicle is turning left...this.."

I really want to add some of my own expletives here. Be fair though, it must assist blind cyclists approaching from the side.

 

[dangie]

Advertiser’s who use ‘celebrities’ to advertise their products in order to fool the public into thinking that this makes their product worth buying.

Did Philip Schofield ever buy a car from ‘webuyanycar.com’…..??

 

[Meerkat]

You know lorries like bin wagons have "this vehicle is reversing" on the loud speaker?

More annoying are the Kias (might just be the electrics) and their reversing bongs. At night you can hear them indoors half way down the street.

Did Philip Schofield ever buy a car from ‘webuyanycar.com’…..??

Doubt it. He probably didn't sell one to them either

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Amazon delivery people who just blatantly lie about deliveries. If you've left the parcel with a neighbour, FFS tell me which neighbour, and tell the Amazon system that too so I know who actually has the damn package. Don't say you handed it to me when you didn't even attempt to contact me or ring my doorbell!

Also, Amazon's app which doesn't make it easy or even possible to report such things. If their idiot delivery person tells the system they've delivered it, that's basically set in stone. Something so obviously open to abuse really beggars belief.

 

[duncanp]

Amazon delivery people who just blatantly lie about deliveries. If you've left the parcel with a neighbour, FFS tell me which neighbour, and tell the Amazon system that too so I know who actually has the damn package. Don't say you handed it to me when you didn't even attempt to contact me or ring my doorbell!

Also, Amazon's app which doesn't make it easy or even possible to report such things. If their idiot delivery person tells the system they've delivered it, that's basically set in stone. Something so obviously open to abuse really beggars belief.

Can we add HermesEvri to that list?

Did you really think that we wouldn't notice you have just changed your name, and are still the same company with the same **** service.

 

[birchesgreen]

I am amused that Hermes changed their name to look like a typo of Evil

 

[Strat-tastic]

Amazon delivery people who just blatantly lie about deliveries. If you've left the parcel with a neighbour, FFS tell me which neighbour, and tell the Amazon system that too so I know who actually has the damn package. Don't say you handed it to me when you didn't even attempt to contact me or ring my doorbell!

Also, Amazon's app which doesn't make it easy or even possible to report such things. If their idiot delivery person tells the system they've delivered it, that's basically set in stone. Something so obviously open to abuse really beggars belief.

Or saying it was put through my door when it was
a) wedged behind some pipework on the ground floor of my block of flats, and

b) my door doesn't have a letter box.

 

[gg1]

More annoying are the Kias (might just be the electrics) and their reversing bongs. At night you can hear them indoors half way down the street.

My Niro has one of those and it's just the regular hybrid not a plug in hybrid or full electric. It annoys me too but it's impossible to disable.

 

[py_megapixel]

More annoying are the Kias (might just be the electrics) and their reversing bongs. At night you can hear them indoors half way down the street.

It's not just Kia. I heard it on a Hyundai earlier - understandable as part of the same group - but also a Mercedes.

 

[D821]

It's not just Kia. I heard it on a Hyundai earlier - understandable as part of the same group - but also a Mercedes.

AVAS - Accoustic Vehicle Alerting System. It's a legal requirement on electric vehicles.

 

[Ediswan]

AVAS - Accoustic Vehicle Alerting System. It's a legal requirement on electric vehicles.

All the descriptions I can find say the sound should be smillar to an ICE (of similar capacity). I don't know any ICEs which make a bong noise. Can anybody explain what is going on there ?

 

[dgl]

It's a reversing bong rather than the low speed warning noise.

 

[PTR 444]

Not necessarily a “thing” as such, but one of my biggest pet hates is when people refer to the “Great” in Great Britain as meaning good, superb or sufficient. It simply means the greater (larger) part of the British Isles!

Although I agree Britian has gone down the pan in recent years, the amount of people on social media who wish for the “Great” to be stripped from Great Britain tends to grind my gears when they don’t understand what it really means.

 

[Ediswan]

Not necessarily a “thing” as such, but one of my biggest pet hates is when people refer to the “Great” in Great Britain as meaning good, superb or sufficient. It simply means the greater (larger) part of the island of Britain!

I always understood it to mean along the lines of 'Larger Britain'. Specifically, with the addition of Scotland.

 

[181]

Not necessarily a “thing” as such, but one of my biggest pet hates is when people refer to the “Great” in Great Britain as meaning good, superb or sufficient. It simply means the greater (larger) part of the island of Britain!

I always understood it to mean along the lines of 'Larger Britain'. Specifically, with the addition of Scotland.

I've always understood it as referring to the larger of the two main islands of the archipelago, but with an idea that it may have originated as a distinction from Brittany rather than from Ireland. Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Britain#Derivation_of_Great) indicates that it's been used with both those meanings but the former is older; it also hints that the 'including Scotland' meaning may have been in the minds of the people who took up use of the term in the 15th/16th/17th centuries.

We can all agree that the people who PTR 444 is complaining about are wrong.

 

[Meerkat]

Not necessarily a “thing” as such, but one of my biggest pet hates is when people refer to the “Great” in Great Britain as meaning good, superb or sufficient. It simply means the greater (larger) part of the British Isles!

Although I agree Britian has gone down the pan in recent years, the amount of people on social media who wish for the “Great” to be stripped from Great Britain tends to grind my gears when they don’t understand what it really means.

I reckon it means Great as in magnificent, and insist that anyone saying it just means larger has to tell the Irish they live in Little Britain

 

[Runningaround]

Advertiser’s who use ‘celebrities’ to advertise their products in order to fool the public into thinking that this makes their product worth buying.

Did Philip Schofield ever buy a car from ‘webuyanycar.com’…..??

Who thought using Neil Ruddock in a financial advert was wise after he's been declared bankrupt and featured on Channel Fives ''Can't pay'' debt recovery show.

 

[4COR]

I always understood it to mean along the lines of 'Larger Britain'.

Which prompts me to lay down the edict that any landlord/landlady misspelling "lager" as "larger" will, In My Glorious Rule, have their alcohol license revoked....

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Which prompts me to lay down the edict that any landlord/landlady misspelling "lager" as "larger" will, In My Glorious Rule, have their alcohol license revoked....

Should that not be an alcohol licence?

 

[4COR]

Should that not be an alcohol licence?

Absolutely. I will also ban myself from posting official documents as a result of lack of proof reading....

 

[al78]

OK of random things that should be banned I think I've got my personal best today.

You know lorries like bin wagons have "this vehicle is reversing" on the loud speaker?

Today, waiting behind one at the lights, I had to put up with "this vehicle is turning left...this vehicle is turning left...this.."

I'd add to that reverse alarms on cars. A car is not a lorry, it does not have anywhere near the same extent of blindspots and is totally unnecessary. All you need to do is engage in proper observation before manoevuring. I wouldn't be surprised if having a reverse alarm invokes a degree of risk compensation from the driver (i.e. they subconsciously pay less attention because they believe the alarm makes people keep out of the way). It is annoying if I am tired and go to bed for an early night then half an hour later, BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG from next door because one of them decides they need to go out somewhere in the car at 11:30pm.

 

[daveo]

Which prompts me to lay down the edict that any landlord/landlady misspelling "lager" as "larger" will, In My Glorious Rule, have their alcohol license revoked....

Do you mean "licence" (noun)?

 

[Techniquest]

From this week's experience, I'd ban homeless people, specifically those who seem to be in that situation because of substance abuse.

It's fair to say I've not been overly impressed with the city I'm in currently!

 

[duncanp]

The Telegraph is getting in on the act with this article.

It is a bit tongue in cheek, and I don't think the writer is seriously suggesting that banning these behaviours would be a vote winner for the government,

Or perhaps some of them would be

I would vote for any party that promised to ban no. 4 by law.

If the Tories want to win the next election, they can start by banning these 10 things

The Government is launching a crackdown on nitrous oxide, but why aren’t they worried about stopping pushy waiters?

www.telegraph.co.uk

If the Tories want to win the next election, they can start by banning these 10 things​

The Government is launching a crackdown on nitrous oxide, but why aren’t they worried about stopping pushy waiters?

Life in Britain gets grimmer by the day. But it’s not just inflation, NHS waiting lists and Putin that are to blame. It’s the sharp rise in anti-social behaviour, too. Which is why the Government has announced a crackdown on nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas), graffiti, fly-tipping and unruly tenants.

This is all very well. But in my view, it doesn’t go far enough. There are even worse forms of anti-social behaviour we need to ban. And if the Tories want to stand any chance of winning the next election, they must act immediately.

Here are the top 10. I demand to see legislation pass the Commons by this afternoon at the latest.

1. Sodcasting​

As in, the broadcasting of music from the speakers of one’s mobile telephone in a public place. It’s not only thoughtless. It’s aggressive. The aural equivalent of a cat marking its territory. By blasting out a hideous racket at top volume from his phone, the owner (invariably a scowling young male) is saying: “This bus/park/cemetery is mine. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Well, there is, but you wouldn’t dare try. So now you feel not just annoyed, but cowardly.”

This is why everyone should be required, by law, to use headphones. But not cheap, rubbishy ones that leak a tinny, fizzy din reminiscent of a bluebottle trying to negotiate a closed window.

2. Men going topless in summer​

We don’t let women go topless. So why men? After all, men look far worse. British summertime is a three-month-long barbecue of sizzling male back fat and roast moob.

3. Cyclists bringing their bikes on trains​

There’s barely enough space to stand as it is, even before irritable middle-aged men in tights start lugging aboard half the stockroom from Halfords.

Last year, a Tory peer called for cyclists to be banned from using phones. I’d rather they be banned from using bicycles.

4. Begging for customer reviews​

Practically every online shop now pesters you with emails, pleading for feedback on whatever you’ve bought – even if the item isn’t remotely worth reviewing.

I recently received an email from Habitat, urging me to review a set of dinner plates. What was I meant to say about them? “Good for putting food on. Much better than pouring your gravy directly on to the table. Five stars.”

Even more bizarrely, the comedy writer Neil Gibbons received an email from a Manchester hotel he’d stayed at, asking him to review his parking space. God knows what he wrote. “Ideal rectangular shape. Much better than those circular or triangular parking spaces that are so fashionable these days.”

5. Waiters asking you ‘How’s your food?’ every two mouthfuls​

Lovely, thanks. In fact, every bit as lovely as it was the last time you asked, 30 seconds ago.

6. Hollywood directors making self-indulgently over-long films​

Even children’s animations now seem to last longer than the siege of Mafeking. For the sake of our long-suffering backsides, the Government should set a strict time limit of two hours, and fine the director £1 million for every minute he overruns.

7. Van drivers sailing through zebra crossings​

I don’t know why the law gives them special dispensation to do this. At least, I assume it does. Because they all do it.

8. Putting patronising signs on the Tube​

“Hold the handrail”, “Be patient with others”, “Always wash your hands before and after you travel.” Does Sadiq Khan think he’s our mother? Next: “Don’t forget to say please and thank you”, “Have you brushed your teeth?”, “Well you should have gone before you left the house, like I told you.”

9. Eating noisily​

It is an iron law of the universe that the noisiest eaters are invariably also the slowest. Perhaps this is the reason that modern restaurants play such loud music. They’re trying to drown out their customers’ table manners.

10. Moaning about incredibly minor everyday inconveniences​

Honestly, it’s just so spoiled, pathetic and lacking in self-awareness. You wouldn’t catch me doing it.

 

[Gloster]

This is not really comedic. All those gushing family tributes that newspapers, mostly local ones, print, despite knowing that the deceased is an utter low life. How somebody was a loving family man and father, when they have either been killed as a result of a criminal dispute or, more often, died in a road accident when driving with a total disregard for the rest of the population. Note: it is the way the papers uncritically print all this that I object to.

 

[yorksrob]

I would ban people arranging meetings, workshops, webinars or any other crap on a Friday.

Such abominations are an obstacle to society reaching a higher state of civilisation in the form of the four day week.

 

[duncanp]

I would ban people arranging meetings, workshops, webinars or any other crap on a Friday.

Such abominations are an obstacle to society reaching a higher state of civilisation in the form of the four day week.

I would just ban meetings altogether.

A meeting is something that takes minutes, and wastes hours.

 

[yorksrob]

I would just ban meetings altogether.

A meeting is something that takes minutes, and wastes hours.

That's a fair point