Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[32475]

If it’s not been mentioned before after 4500 posts on this thread: ‘Road Closed Ahead’ signs because they never tell you which road they are actually referring to. Sometimes it does mean the main road ahead of you but just as often it refers to a minor road off to one side. All very misleading.

 

[Bevan Price]

I'm a non-morning person too, but as my body clock is still firmly on BST, it does mean that it's easy for me to keep living "as if it were" BST.

Many advocates of GMT suggest this (getting up and going to bed an hour earlier than normal) as a solution for the whole winter, but sadly for many of us, this is scuppered by work commitments. If you're on full flexi-time (I am not) I guess you could get away with it though, work 8-4 rather than 9-5, and do your entire daily routine an hour earlier by clock time in the winter.

But while we're at it, to conform to the thread title, I would just ban GMT.

I would like to be able to stop the Sun v. Earth position at June so that we got 16+ hours of daylight all year. .

 

[Howardh]

I would like to be able to stop the Sun v. Earth position at June so that we got 16+ hours of daylight all year. .

If the earth didn't "wobble" we would have no seasons, other than it would be the average of March 21 or September 21 continuously. So our weather would be dependent on pressure systems, wind etc just like today, but without the extremes of january cold or July heat I suppose.

 

[Bletchleyite]

If the earth didn't "wobble" we would have no seasons, other than it would be the average of March 21 or September 21 continuously. So our weather would be dependent on pressure systems, wind etc just like today, but without the extremes of january cold or July heat I suppose.

The seasons are caused by its axis slanting, not it "wobbling", aren't they?

 

[duncanp]

Call centre hold music which periodically stops abruptly before restarting, giving you false hope that you might actually speak to someone.

Call centre music is marginally less irritating than having to listen to a patronising recorded message umpteen times saying something along the lines of

"..did you know you can find the answer to most of your questions on our website or mobile app?.."

If I could find the answer to my question on your website or mobile app I wouldn't be ringing you in the first place, you stupid <insert expletive of choice>

 

[Calthrop]

A thing (additional) in the fiction-writing line which I see as "ban-worthy": detective / murder-mystery novels in which the central sleuth character, is some inappropriate and incongruous figure from real life. By the way -- while I enjoy many murder-mystery novels, I feel that essentially nowadays, altogether too many of them are published -- I see in the genre as a whole, an easy option taken by many, essentially not very creative, would-be authors: "who killed x, and why?" being the ultimate in endlessly available ready-made plots. There seems to be in the bookshops nowadays, a series "H.M. the Queen investigates ..." -- starring, yes, our late monarch. Although I'm apathetic on the subject of our "Royals": like most people, I feel respect for the deceased lady, for her diligent carrying out of her role throughout her long career; but as a "lay" detective in her leisure hours -- oh, come on ... And it would seem that in these books, her 'tec doings are performed with -- heaven help us -- the assistance of her much-commented-on corgis. While pets are an excellent thing in their place -- any work (and it seems that there are a fair few) in which they have a role, principal or subsidiary, as detectives: has me wanting to throw up.

And I gather that there is a series of "period" mysteries, in which the sleuthing is done by Jane Austen. Influenced perhaps by my finding self unable to handle this lady's works; but I feel here -- and with anything else which features in such a role, a person from real life "ancient or modern" whose fame is for something altogether other than police work (I'm sure that some fool with writing ambitions, must have done "Shakespeare as detective"): that it's an essentially crass idea, leading to production of cringe-making stuff, -- envisaged "easy meat" seized on by writer-wannabes with at best, limited talent -- and I wish they wouldn't.

 

[JKF]

If it’s not been mentioned before after 4500 posts on this thread: ‘Road Closed Ahead’ signs because they never tell you which road they are actually referring to. Sometimes it does mean the main road ahead of you but just as often it refers to a minor road off to one side. All very misleading.

Similar to that is on trunk roads where the electonic signs say something like ‘A1(Mj closed after A642’ when you’re not that familiar with the area or where the hell that might be, and can’t pull over to check on your phone because it’s a motorway and an area of poor reception anyway.

Got caught out horrendously by that once driving up to Gateshead late in the evening, had to basically turn round and go 20 miles south to the A19 junction where they should by rights have been a diversion signposted in the first place (it was planned work, not an impromptu closure). Diversion routes around roadworks can be generally terrible, one reason being they have to be suitable for 38 tonne HGVs so the shortest route for regular cars is omitted.

 

[yorksrob]

People saying "you need to move out of your comfort zone".

It's comfortable, that's why I like it there.

 

[32475]

People saying "you need to move out of your comfort zone".

It's comfortable, that's why I like it there.

That’s an expression you won’t hear on a standard class Azuma

 

[Busaholic]

That’s an expression you won’t hear on a standard class Azuma

 

[yorksrob]

That’s an expression you won’t hear on a standard class Azuma

 

[Techniquest]

That’s an expression you won’t hear on a standard class Azuma

Oh that has tickled me something wonderful! I really don't like the horrible bright red, eyes-burning, interior of LNER's Azumas! If it's on one of their trains, it has to be First Class for me.

As for the thread topic, I've been watching Simpsons on All4 today, so I've had to endure the Dreams sponsor ad. Which would be something to banish on its own, but it's that 'festive entertainment' one from previous years. That alone is awful, but in mid-November? Seriously? I know it's cold out there (hence why I've been watching TV, no motivation to go outside), but it's not the festive season yet!

On which note, having Christmas trees and other decorations up everywhere in early November should seriously not be allowed. Almost 2 months of enduring Christmas is going to be brutal, my workplace is already covered in Christmas stuff!

One more actually for the thread, and yes I'm on a rant today! Christmas-themed uniforms and jumpers being allowed to be worn in November onwards is madness as it is, but before Rememberance Sunday? I absolutely don't think that's really too clever, it just feels completely disrespectful. Not that I plan to wear any such garments, I'm already launching into my weird mix of Bah Humbug and the odd bit of festive cheer. Which sounds odd, I know, but I've already spent £4 on a card for my sister and £3 on one for my brother. Paperchase is an expensive shop! They are really nice cards though, and it should make them smile.

So I could, I'd ban Christmas from starting before December. I'd get rid of it full-stop, but to be honest I don't think I could be that evil. As much as Christmas annoys me, the world would be a much more miserable place without it. I'd happily ban the whole getting drunk because it's Christmas, or doing completely inappropriate things because it's Christmas, all that sort of stupidity, but the whole being nice to others thing, no that can stay. A shame that lasts for literally hours before humanity goes back to idiocy, but I guess one day a year is better than none!

However, before I get any more soppy, I would love to ban people telling me how to 'enjoy' Christmas. As I allude to above, I allow some festive feelings but only on my terms!

 

[DannyMich2018]

I would ban Mcdonald's adverts or at least restrict them. It's like on some radio stations and TV channels almost every ad break contains one advert for them, they sound desperate to advertise. Most overrated company in the world in my opinion.

 

[swt_passenger]

The way that newspapers, etc. describe someone who is aggrieved or otherwise affected by something as ‘Mum’, or sometimes ‘Dad’, when their maternal or paternal status has absolutely no relevance to the event. (‘Mum refused entry to Porton Down’. ‘Dad found hippopotamus in his chips‘.) Even if there is a faint relevance, the offspring have probably grown up and are now living in Australia.

And then there‘s the completely irritating way they hyphenate phrases such “mother-of-two” or whatever. What’s that all about then?

 

[joncombe]

One I don't think has been covered yet but radio or TV adverts with doorbell sounds in them.

 

[duncanp]

I would ban Mcdonald's adverts or at least restrict them. It's like on some radio stations and TV channels almost every ad break contains one advert for them, they sound desperate to advertise. Most overrated company in the world in my opinion.

Seconded, especially that irritating and pointless little whistle at the end.

 

[jfollows]

One I don't think has been covered yet but radio or TV adverts with doorbell sounds in them.

I'm with you on this one - I have almost completely lost hearing in my right ear, I almost never notice the loss any more but I can no longer work out the direction of sounds, so when the doorbell goes off on the TV (all the time, it seems, especially in trivial adverts) I can't tell sometimes whether or not it's my actual doorbell.
I guess my solution should be to replace my doorbell with something that makes a completely unusual and different sound. In the big scheme of things it's down my priority list!

 

[py_megapixel]

Use of emoji/emoticons in text as part of user interfaces.

Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I much prefer "This search returned no results" to "We're sorry, we couldn't find anything matching this search term "

 

[DannyMich2018]

Seconded, especially that irritating and pointless little whistle at the end.

Sure. It drives you mad! Mute button at the ready....

 

[Gloster]

People who sing or whistle along to the canned music as they wander around supermarkets doing their shopping.

 

[Jimini]

...that Verisure advert that's just surfaced that starts out with the "Jim? Jim?" comedy gold.

My name's Jim (funnily enough), and it catches me out every time when the TV's on in the background

 

[Pinza-C55]

I would ban myself from Youtube but they seem determined to ban me first.

 

[adrock1976]

I would ban several sets of roadworks on main arterial routes near town centres taking place at the same time.

Below is what I posted in the First Glasgow bus thread

I don't know if any regular posters in this thread reside in the Kirkintilloch area, but do the roads department of East Dunbartonshire Council have a clue what they are doing?

Today, there are 2 sets of roadworks on Waterside Road (the road from Blackwood/Drumgrew Bridge/Twechar), the main A803 Glasgow Road, and the road to the left of the top end of Gallowhill Road. All causing snarl ups and buses running way behind the advertised timetable.

After arriving off the 247, myself and other passengers were waiting at the Catherine Street bus stop for the 88 or 89 between 15:20 and 16:10. Not one 88 or 89 in the Glasgow direction came until around 16:10, but there was 2 88s heading to Harestanes together with another one around 15 minutes later. There was one 89 heading to Kilsyth via the A803. The X85/87 there were two 5 minutes apart from each other, then another 15 or so minutes later for the Glasgow direction.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

Colds.

 

[duncanp]

Colds.

I would second that.

I would also like to ban people from being able to catch another cold for at least one month after recovering from a previous one.

 

[nlogax]

The lids on Costa coffee cups that never fit properly. I only drink their stuff when in dire need for coffee, so usually on the road. Hardly a situation where I want the lid to pop off

 

[Acey]

Trousers/jeans with too few belt loops

 

[Bletchleyite]

Trousers/jeans with too few belt loops

And those with very thin belt loops, as I prefer a thicker belt.

 

[32475]

Food tins which don’t stack neatly one on top of the other in your food cupboard e.g. they have a flanged rim top and bottom. Heinz baked beans is an example of this

 

[Drogba11CFC]

I would second that.

I would also like to ban people from being able to catch another cold for at least one month after recovering from a previous one.

Also, two colds a year, maximum. And all other commitments take precedence.