Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Bletchleyite]

I gather that a fancy expression for this phenomenon, is "nominative determinism".

There's plenty of it about. One I've noticed is that one of the most prolific writers of climbing guidebooks in the UK is Chris Craggs...I mean how? (For non-climbers, a "crag" is an outcrop of rock you climb on). And then Arsene Wenger at Arsenal FC...surely not coincidence!

 

[Bald Rick]

Thomas Crapper was the founder of a plumbing equipment company who made a number of significant improvements to plumbing equipment. However, he did not, as has been claimed, invent the flushing cistern, merely improved it. The word cr*p is much older, so I suspect that he is partly remembered because of the coincidence of his name and the business he dealt with (pun intended).

Reminds me of that glorious anecdote, probably untrue, about the evening before the Headingley test in 1948 vs Bradman’s Australia.

Alec Bedser and Jack Crapp had been playing a county game that day, and arrived the team hotel late in the evening together, well after the rest of the team had checked in and dined. The lady in reception looked up as they walked to the desk, and said to Jack: “Bed, Sir”

”No, Crapp”

”Second door on the left, sir”

 

[swt_passenger]

There's plenty of it about. One I've noticed is that one of the most prolific writers of climbing guidebooks in the UK is Chris Craggs...I mean how? (For non-climbers, a "crag" is an outcrop of rock you climb on). And then Arsene Wenger at Arsenal FC...surely not coincidence!

But did he play on the left or right weng?

 

[Busaholic]

Reminds me of that glorious anecdote, probably untrue, about the evening before the Headingley test in 1948 vs Bradman’s Australia.

Alec Bedser and Jack Crapp had been playing a county game that day, and arrived the team hotel late in the evening together, well after the rest of the team had checked in and dined. The lady in reception looked up as they walked to the desk, and said to Jack: “Bed, Sir”

”No, Crapp”

”Second door on the left, sir”

Apocryphal almost certainly, as the prequel to it involving a Gloucs v Surrey. or vice versa, match leading to this coincidental joint arrival is pure fiction! A nice story, nevertheless.

 

[43096]

And then Arsene Wenger at Arsenal FC...surely not coincidence!

Better than that, Wolfgang Wolf was boss at Wolfsburg at one point.

 

[htafc]

There's plenty of it about. One I've noticed is that one of the most prolific writers of climbing guidebooks in the UK is Chris Craggs...I mean how? (For non-climbers, a "crag" is an outcrop of rock you climb on). And then Arsene Wenger at Arsenal FC...surely not coincidence!

We cannot forget the gardener Bob Flowerdew, or Usain Bolt for that matter...

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Better than that, Wolfgang Wolf was boss at Wolfsburg at one point.

That trend's a bit worrying, if it means our next manager will be er... Roy Hudd!

My favourite example of nominative determinism is an undertaker in Dewsbury called Eric F. Box.

 

[duncanp]

We cannot forget the gardener Bob Flowerdew, or Usain Bolt for that matter...

What about the fuel shortage panic a year ago, when the BBC reporter at a petrol station queue was called.....

....Phil McCann. (Yes, really )

 

[43096]

What about the fuel shortage panic a year ago, when the BBC reporter at a petrol station queue was called.....

....Phil McCann. (Yes, really )

Or this...

 

[htafc]

What about the fuel shortage panic a year ago, when the BBC reporter at a petrol station queue was called.....

....Phil McCann. (Yes, really )

I'd forgotten about that one!

 

[py_megapixel]

Alexander Dennis Limited Enviro200 buses.

I would decree that every operator must immediately replace them with much newer (and far more present) Enviro200MMC model.

 

[Gloster]

People who, when you hold the door of a shop open for them, stop in the door to look at something, read the opening times, make a ‘phone call, check their shopping, etc. You are left holding the door until they finally move on.

Even worse was the woman who stopped to answer her mobile: when I asked her if she would move to allow me to let go of the door she told me it was rude to interrupt a conversation and then made an offensive comment about me to the person she was talking to. I just let the door slowly close against her shoulder and walked off.

 

[150249]

I would like to formally declare the national ban of 23rd September.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 23 Sep 2022 ==

And Gareth Southgate. I really do hate 23/09

 

[Purple Train]

People who badger and shout and scream at you, and use outright skulduggery, to gain a particular seat or spot or whatever within a large crowd, and then claim that you're being selfish when you refuse to budge on account of their underhand tactics. I know this is an obvious one but the mere thought of such people drives me to intense anger and distraction... even more so than most things

 

[birchesgreen]

People who, when you hold the door of a shop open for them, stop in the door to look at something, read the opening times, make a ‘phone call, check their shopping, etc. You are left holding the door until they finally move on.

Even worse was the woman who stopped to answer her mobile: when I asked her if she would move to allow me to let go of the door she told me it was rude to interrupt a conversation and then made an offensive comment about me to the person she was talking to. I just let the door slowly close against her shoulder and walked off.

People who just walk through when you hold the door open without the slightest acknowledgement.

 

[Silver Cobra]

Can we also ban supermarkets from having self service checkout tills without a sign indicating which side you should put your basket full of shopping, and which is the "bagging area".

Yes, Morrisons, I am looking at you.

I've just had a thought about this, and based on my experience from the store I work in and other stores I've shopped at, it seems the general 'rule of thumb' for the bagging area of self-service checkouts is that it is located at the side of the checkout nearest the exit from the self-service area. In essence, if the exit from the self-service area is to the right of the machines then the bagging area will be to the right of the checkout, and vice versa if the exit is to the left of the checkout.

I'm not confident enough to say this is the case for all instances of self-service checkouts in stores, but it does seem to be for most cases.

 

[Busaholic]

I've just had a thought about this, and based on my experience from the store I work in and other stores I've shopped at, it seems the general 'rule of thumb' for the bagging area of self-service checkouts is that it is located at the side of the checkout nearest the exit from the self-service area. In essence, if the exit from the self-service area is to the right of the machines then the bagging area will be to the right of the checkout, and vice versa if the exit is to the left of the checkout.

I'm not confident enough to say this is the case for all instances of self-service checkouts in stores, but it does seem to be for most cases.

I think you're correct, so you get left and right handed machines, as it were, which don't get swapped around. The sole slight exception I know of is in local Tesco, which has a centre exit with tills only on one side beyond the exit.

 

[adrock1976]

Unsure if this would be better in the recent music thread from a few months ago, but I would like to ban Eric Clapton.

Although his son fell from a window around 30 years ago, this does not take away the fact that Clapton is a cokehead, a violent thug (he used to knock seven bells out of Patti Boyd when he was married to her), and most recently an anti-vaxxer, but even more concerningly, he is a racist too (which is surprising as he once covered Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff").

Clapton let out a diatribe on stage one time he played in Birmingham, pledging his support for the nearby Wolverhampton MP Enoch Powell (who was also a racist), and using both the "c" and "w" words to describe black people (the ones that rhyme with moon and dog respectively), and wanted them "not just to leave the building, but to leave the country".

Alongside with David Bowie's comments not long afterwards, there was such a huge concern that racist views were starting to become widespread, and combined with the rise of the neo-Nazi groups National Front and Combat 18, this was the catalyst that led to the Rock Against Racism movement.

 

[Busaholic]

Unsure if this would be better in the recent music thread from a few months ago, but I would like to ban Eric Clapton.

Although his son fell from a window around 30 years ago, this does not take away the fact that Clapton is a cokehead, a violent thug (he used to knock seven bells out of Patti Boyd when he was married to her), and most recently an anti-vaxxer, but even more concerningly, he is a racist too (which is surprising as he once covered Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff").

Clapton let out a diatribe on stage one time he played in Birmingham, pledging his support for the nearby Wolverhampton MP Enoch Powell (who was also a racist), and using both the "c" and "w" words to describe black people (the ones that rhyme with moon and dog respectively), and wanted them "not just to leave the building, but to leave the country".

Alongside with David Bowie's comments not long afterwards, there was such a huge concern that racist views were starting to become widespread, and combined with the rise of the neo-Nazi groups National Front and Combat 18, this was the catalyst that led to the Rock Against Racism movement.

Lots of reasons to ban Clapton, first one being that he's nowhere as good a guitarist/songwriter/performer as he thinks he is, or his fans claim, second one being he started the 'supergroup' nonsense with Cream, an utterly over-rated band (or 'product') that soon fell apart. George Harrison was too undiscriminating in his choice of friends.

Bowie's a more complicated case, and his involvement with Iggy Pop won't have helped steer his views away from those comments.

 

[Purple Train]

Can we also ban supermarkets from having self service checkout tills without a sign indicating which side you should put your basket full of shopping, and which is the "bagging area".

Yes, Morrisons, I am looking at you.

I recently used a Morrisons self-service checkout (for the first time in many years) and they had placed baskets on the side to indicate where you should put your basket, so it was pretty obvious, even more so than usual...

 

[Busaholic]

I recently used a Morrisons self-service checkout (for the first time in many years) and they had placed baskets on the side to indicate where you should put your basket, so it was pretty obvious, even more so than usual...

Knowing my Morrisons, the only reason for baskets being there would be because nobody had bothered to move them!

 

[Purple Train]

Knowing my Morrisons, the only reason for baskets being there would be because nobody had bothered to move them!

I suspect that as well, though there was a basket at every checkout, which made me think there was a degree of organisation.

 

[Busaholic]

I suspect that as well, though there was a basket at every checkout, which made me think there was a degree of organisation.

Organisation? Morrisons? Piss-ups and breweries come to mind.

 

[Purple Train]

People who, when you hold the door of a shop open for them, stop in the door to look at something, read the opening times, make a ‘phone call, check their shopping, etc. You are left holding the door until they finally move on.

Even worse was the woman who stopped to answer her mobile: when I asked her if she would move to allow me to let go of the door she told me it was rude to interrupt a conversation and then made an offensive comment about me to the person she was talking to. I just let the door slowly close against her shoulder and walked off.

Also typically the sort that look at you as if you're something the cat brought in, with not a word of thanks!

 

[61653 HTAFC]

I think I've already "banned" some of these, but they deserve highlighting again:

Ebay sellers who don't spellcheck their listings before going "live". It really isn't that hard, and makes your items easier to find.

Ebay sellers who put stuff in the wrong category. Your listings will be harder to find, and as a result won't reach the price they otherwise might.

Ebay sellers who include things like "LOOK!!" in their listing titles: I'm so glad you reminded me, otherwise I might have just bid on it without seeing what it was...

Ebay sellers who add "placeholder" listings which they update later- why bother? Just get everything in order and then list it. All you're doing is adding an unnecessary extra step.

 

[150249]

I think I've already "banned" some of these, but they deserve highlighting again:

Ebay sellers who don't spellcheck their listings before going "live". It really isn't that hard, and makes your items easier to find.

Ebay sellers who put stuff in the wrong category. Your listings will be harder to find, and as a result won't reach the price they otherwise might.

Ebay sellers who include things like "LOOK!!" in their listing titles: I'm so glad you reminded me, otherwise I might have just bid on it without seeing what it was...

Ebay sellers who add "placeholder" listings which they update later- why bother? Just get everything in order and then list it. All you're doing is adding an unnecessary extra step.

So just Ebay sellers

 

[duncanp]

I would like to ban cashpoint machines from asking the same question twice.

I used one today, and it asked me "..do you want to see your balance before you proceed?", to which I answered "No".

Then, after I had selected the amount of cash that I wanted, it asked me again "..do you want to see your balance before you proceed?".

There wasn't a response on the screen which said:-

"..I've already told you I don't want to see my balance, just give me the cash and don't keep asking the same <expletive> question again..."

 

[D821]

I would like to ban cashpoint machines from asking the same question twice.

I used one today, and it asked me "..do you want to see your balance before you proceed?", to which I answered "No".

Then, after I had selected the amount of cash that I wanted, it asked me again "..do you want to see your balance before you proceed?".

There wasn't a response on the screen which said:-

"..I've already told you I don't want to see my balance, just give me the cash and don't keep asking the same <expletive> question again..."

I'm sure someone told me the ATM provider can charge the bank for the extra functions being used. Not sure if its true or not.

 

[Bald Rick]

I would like to ban cashpoint machines from asking the same question twice.

I used one today, and it asked me "..do you want to see your balance before you proceed?", to which I answered "No".

Then, after I had selected the amount of cash that I wanted, it asked me again "..do you want to see your balance before you proceed?".

There wasn't a response on the screen which said:-

"..I've already told you I don't want to see my balance, just give me the cash and don't keep asking the same <expletive> question again..."

I‘d just ban cashpoint machines. Completely irrelevant. To use one, you need a card. Just use your card instead of cash!

 

[Busaholic]

I‘d just ban cashpoint machines. Completely irrelevant. To use one, you need a card. Just use your card instead of cash!

They are totally relevant to the issue of acquiring coin of the realm, which is not disappearing anytime in the lifetime of anyone on this forum (unlike bitcoin, which won't make it much beyond 2030, if that.)