Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[nlogax]

‘Platty joobs’ to describe the next few days. Couldn’t care less about the event but fgs as a phrase it’s even worse than ‘holibobs’.

 

[duncanp]

‘Platty joobs’ to describe the next few days. Couldn’t care less about the event but fgs as a phrase it’s even worse than ‘holibobs’.

Who said that.

It makes me want to vomit

 

[Techniquest]

‘Platty joobs’ to describe the next few days. Couldn’t care less about the event but fgs as a phrase it’s even worse than ‘holibobs’.

What in tarnation are platty joobs?!

 

[GusB]

What in tarnation are platty joobs?!

Platinum jubilee. I have to admit that it took me a while to figure it out!

 

[Calthrop]

‘Platty joobs’ ...

Sounds to me like something out of Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky ...

 

[Techniquest]

Platinum jubilee. I have to admit that it took me a while to figure it out!

Thanks! I could understand a very young child, still developing their vocal skills, saying it but I suspect this was more grown-ups trying to be clever/funny/whatever.

Talking of the Jubilee, I might finish getting ready soon to head out for the continuation of the celebration. I'm doing mine partly by touring some of the best of Britain, I'd love to be in London for the atmosphere but that isn't a realistic option. Not quite sure where I'm going today though!

 

[DelW]

Probably the same people that wait to pay for their purchase in a checkout queue and when it is their turn, stand there packing until the cashier tells them the cost, and only after they have meticulously finished packing everything do they start fumbling about in pockets/handbags/whatever looking for their purse/wallet. The lack of even basic thought and planning amongst some people is ridiculous, and I'm sure it is a major contribution to the general slowness I experience in and around my home town.

Agree with that, I see it far too often. But even worse are those who then pull out a crumpled mass of vouchers and hand them to the cashier, who has to separate, flatten and scan each one to see if it's valid. Especially annoying if they've all expired anyway! Why wouldn't you give them to the cashier to check them while you're doing your packing?

 

[Busaholic]

Agree with that, I see it far too often. But even worse are those who then pull out a crumpled mass of vouchers and hand them to the cashier, who has to separate, flatten and scan each one to see if it's valid. Especially annoying if they've all expired anyway! Why wouldn't you give them to the cashier to check them while you're doing your packing?

Answer to the above is either (a) you deliberately want to p*ss off those behind you in the queue for as long as possible, or (b) you are a totally self-absorbed individual who doesn't register anyone else, save possibly the cashier. Many examples of both abound, mostly women, but then most supermarkets generally have far more women than men shopping there in the first place.

 

[gg1]

Answer to the above is either (a) you deliberately want to p*ss off those behind you in the queue for as long as possible, or (b) you are a totally self-absorbed individual who doesn't register anyone else, save possibly the cashier.

(c) They're merely disorganised - is far more likely than deliberate selfishness.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

Insects that get their jollies out of biting people.

 

[D821]

Dim witted moths that resist all attempts to shoo them out or be captured and evicted.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Insects that get their jollies out of biting people.

Indeed. Think I'd almost rather be bitten by a dog than a horse fly!

 

[Cloud Strife]

People standing too close to me. In Poland (and in most Slavic countries), a lot of people simply don't understand the concept of personal space.

 

[GusB]

(a) you deliberately want to p*ss off those behind you in the queue for as long as possible, or (b) you are a totally self-absorbed individual who doesn't register anyone else, save possibly the cashier

(c) They're merely disorganised - is far more likely than deliberate selfishness.

Speaking from experience, (c) is quite common, but there have been many occasions when I've witnessed (a) and (b).

I recall one customer in particular who would bring out a pile of coupons at the checkout, and usually when the store was heaving. The rules at the time were that if they were manufacturer's coupons we'd accept them if they were in-date, even if they didn't buy the product specified, and even if we didn't stick the item; the company could claim back the money anyway. However, if they were the store's own coupons the customer had to have abide by the conditions on the coupon.

With this particular lady, we were advised to process them all anyway because she would usually kick up an almighty fuss. If it had been up to me the old bat wouldn't have been allowed get away with it. Coupons were manually keyed in then, so there was no opportunity to use the "computer says no" excuse!

In short, there are some deliberately selfish people out there, and there always will be because challenging their behaviour is often more trouble than it's worth.

 

[D821]

Bores who finish sentences by saying "fact", as if it makes whatever bobbins they're spouting true.

 

[D6968]

Bores who finish sentences by saying "fact", as if it makes whatever bobbins they're spouting true.

I don’t mind people like that, simply because in these days of smart phones, you can pull one out of your pocket and have the correct info at your finger tips and then say ‘Actually I think you’ll find…’

 

[gg1]

Bores who finish sentences by saying "fact", as if it makes whatever bobbins they're spouting true.

I see it as useful shorthand for "I'm talking out of my arse, please ignore everything I say".

 

[61653 HTAFC]

‘Platty joobs’ to describe the next few days. Couldn’t care less about the event but fgs as a phrase it’s even worse than ‘holibobs’.

If I heard anyone say that, they'd soon find themselves alone... I'd have to abandon them just so I was no longer tempted to beat such stupidity out of them.

Grown ups who use daft baby-language like that should be sent down the pit, unless they were actually interacting with a baby or toddler.

 

[yorksrob]

I'd like to ban my vacuum cleaner from getting hot and smelling of burnt rubber.

 

[py_megapixel]

Speaking from experience, (c) is quite common, but there have been many occasions when I've witnessed (a) and (b).

Hanlon's Razor comes to mind. "Never attribute to malice that which may be adequately explained by stupidity"

 

[Calthrop]

Grown ups who use daft baby-language like that should be sent down the pit, unless they were actually interacting with a baby or toddler.

Another thing in the baby-talk realm which annoys me: is Wetherspoons, in their breakfast menu nowadays, printing the actual word "butty / butties" (bacon, sausage, etc.) -- can't they act like adults, and use "sandwich", for heaven's sake? On the rare occasions when I order such an item at a Wetherspoons, I make whatever shift necessary, not to employ the b-word for ordering; sometimes telling the person behind the bar, that I refuse to use "butty" -- it sounds babyish.

It's only in this particular context that the word gets on my wick. Used jocularly in casual conversation, it's fine; and I'm perfectly happy with Ken Dodd's jam-butty-mines stuff. And in "Welsh English", no problem ("Butty Bach" ale and what have you) -- I believe the word has a different meaning in that milieu anyway, not sandwich-related. It's only this newish gimmick of Wetherspoons', that I hate and would wish to ban: I just find it twee, unnecessary, infantile-seeming, and thoroughly cringe-making.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Another thing in the baby-talk realm which annoys me: is Wetherspoons, in their breakfast menu nowadays, printing the actual word "butty / butties" (bacon, sausage, etc.) -- can't they act like adults, and use "sandwich", for heaven's sake? On the rare occasions when I order such an item at a Wetherspoons, I make whatever shift necessary, not to employ the b-word for ordering; sometimes telling the person behind the bar, that I refuse to use "butty" -- it sounds babyish.

It's only in this particular context that the word gets on my wick. Used jocularly in casual conversation, it's fine; and I'm perfectly happy with Ken Dodd's jam-butty-mines stuff. And in "Welsh English", no problem ("Butty Bach" ale and what have you) -- I believe the word has a different meaning in that milieu anyway, not sandwich-related. It's only this newish gimmick of Wetherspoons', that I hate and would wish to ban: I just find it twee, unnecessary, infantile-seeming, and thoroughly cringe-making.

Yeah, when companies try to be casual, like they're one of your mates, it really makes me cringe. It isn't new though- I rember the Puccino's coffee shops at almost every station in south west London twenty years ago, that really went all in on the "quirky" style. Then there's Innocent smoothies, who really started the "wackaging" (a portmanteau of wacky & packaging) trend.

It was clever for about six weeks two decades ago, but it's old-hat now. It needs to be left behind really.

 

[Cloud Strife]

With this particular lady, we were advised to process them all anyway because she would usually kick up an almighty fuss. If it had been up to me the old bat wouldn't have been allowed get away with it. Coupons were manually keyed in then, so there was no opportunity to use the "computer says no" excuse!

I remember this from my days as a student worker in the very ill-fated Big W. Some old bat came in with a massive pile of coupons and a load of random things, and she expected me to write every single number into the till. I told her politely that we could keep her trolley and the prices, and if she came back when it was quiet, i.e. not in the evening in December, we could attend to her peacefully. It would have taken a good half hour to type everything in, and there was no way I was doing it.

Nope. She wanted served there and then. I called the till supervisor over, he took one look and said "no, we're not doing it". She demands to see a manager, so we find the customer services manager (a straight talking Aussie bloke) who took a look and also said "nope". She then kicks off, saying that she had time and that it was our obligation to do it. She's ranting and raving at this point, so she gets asked to leave, but she told the manager to piss off.

At this point, we're trying not to laugh at her meltdown, people in the queue are losing their head, and she's screaming that she wants a proper manager. We radio the shift manager, who was happily enjoying a nice cup of tea at that point. He comes over, takes one look at her red face and her massive pile of coupons, and tells her straight that she's banned for life and not to come back. She threatened him with the newspapers, the TV, her local councillor, the lot!

Sure enough, a few days later, there she was in the paper. She was absolutely off her rocker, and it turned out that she was also banned from the nearby Asda for doing exactly the same thing.

 

[Gloster]

All those Wikipedia entries that include a mention, sometimes expanded to a whole paragraph, that the subject was diagnosed with Covid at some time or another.

 

[BanburyBlue]

(c) They're merely disorganised - is far more likely than deliberate selfishness.

The

Agree with that, I see it far too often. But even worse are those who then pull out a crumpled mass of vouchers and hand them to the cashier, who has to separate, flatten and scan each one to see if it's valid. Especially annoying if they've all expired anyway! Why wouldn't you give them to the cashier to check them while you're doing your packing?

the same applies to people who decide a good time to start packing up their stuff to leave a train is when their train actually stops at the station. By the time they‘ve packed up, everyone else leaving has gone, and then chaos begins as they battle with the incoming passengers getting on.

 

[Calthrop]

Yeah, when companies try to be casual, like they're one of your mates, it really makes me cringe. It isn't new though- I rember the Puccino's coffee shops at almost every station in south west London twenty years ago, that really went all in on the "quirky" style. Then there's Innocent smoothies, who really started the "wackaging" (a portmanteau of wacky & packaging) trend.

It was clever for about six weeks two decades ago, but it's old-hat now. It needs to be left behind really.

"Wackaging" -- wonderful word, with just the right degree of scorn. Thank you for this one !

I'd consider that the word applies nicely to the railways' practice nowadays, of branding -- often whimsically -- various routes, as "The [this, that, or the other thing] Line". In the main, this strikes me as embarrassingly naff, and I wish they wouldn't do it. A few years ago, I started a thread on "History and Nostalgia", about this "branding" thing -- fun was had dreaming up daft or libellous "The *** Line" titles, for routes which never had this done to them; or finding imaginably better names, for ones which had been thus afflicted.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

"Wackaging" -- wonderful word, with just the right degree of scorn. Thank you for this one !

I'd consider that the word applies nicely to the railways' practice nowadays, of branding -- often whimsically -- various routes, as "The [this, that, or the other thing] Line". In the main, this strikes me as embarrassingly naff, and I wish they wouldn't do it. A few years ago, I started a thread on "History and Nostalgia", about this "branding" thing -- fun was had dreaming up daft or libellous "The *** Line" titles, for routes which never had this done to them; or finding imaginably better names, for ones which had been thus afflicted.

VTEC's talking toilets was for me the apex (or perhaps zenith) of Railway "wackaging". Northern (old, but new Northern have carried it on) tries it too, with their "My name is carriage 57902..." stickers, but those aren't as bad as the talking toilets at least...

 

[Busaholic]

I remember this from my days as a student worker in the very ill-fated Big W. Some old bat came in with a massive pile of coupons and a load of random things, and she expected me to write every single number into the till. I told her politely that we could keep her trolley and the prices, and if she came back when it was quiet, i.e. not in the evening in December, we could attend to her peacefully. It would have taken a good half hour to type everything in, and there was no way I was doing it.

Nope. She wanted served there and then. I called the till supervisor over, he took one look and said "no, we're not doing it". She demands to see a manager, so we find the customer services manager (a straight talking Aussie bloke) who took a look and also said "nope". She then kicks off, saying that she had time and that it was our obligation to do it. She's ranting and raving at this point, so she gets asked to leave, but she told the manager to piss off.

At this point, we're trying not to laugh at her meltdown, people in the queue are losing their head, and she's screaming that she wants a proper manager. We radio the shift manager, who was happily enjoying a nice cup of tea at that point. He comes over, takes one look at her red face and her massive pile of coupons, and tells her straight that she's banned for life and not to come back. She threatened him with the newspapers, the TV, her local councillor, the lot!

Sure enough, a few days later, there she was in the paper. She was absolutely off her rocker, and it turned out that she was also banned from the nearby Asda for doing exactly the same thing.

There are lots of YouTube videos featuring such people in the USA, though in their mix there's often police officers, handcuffs and threats of or actual violence too. Undiagnosed mental illness certainly plays a part, and with so many carrying guns in that benighted country I'd do my utmost not to engage with them on any level.

 

[D6968]

Another thing in the baby-talk realm which annoys me: is Wetherspoons, in their breakfast menu nowadays, printing the actual word "butty / butties" (bacon, sausage, etc.) -- can't they act like adults, and use "sandwich", for heaven's sake? On the rare occasions when I order such an item at a Wetherspoons, I make whatever shift necessary, not to employ the b-word for ordering; sometimes telling the person behind the bar, that I refuse to use "butty" -- it sounds babyish.

It's only in this particular context that the word gets on my wick. Used jocularly in casual conversation, it's fine; and I'm perfectly happy with Ken Dodd's jam-butty-mines stuff. And in "Welsh English", no problem ("Butty Bach" ale and what have you) -- I believe the word has a different meaning in that milieu anyway, not sandwich-related. It's only this newish gimmick of Wetherspoons', that I hate and would wish to ban: I just find it twee, unnecessary, infantile-seeming, and thoroughly cringe-making.

Simple, don’t use Weatherspoons!

 

[Steddenm]

Tap-on-tap-off contactless payments on buses.

It works when you tap on at the beginning of the journey, but as everybody is getting off it slows the disembarkation down as people fiddle about for their card or have to unlock their phone to tap that off.

Noticed it a lot recently on GoAhead buses in England and if you are in a hurry...

Plus in Brighton some of the Brighton & Hove buses have centre doors for disembarking where the tap off Ticketer reader is, yet some stops you have to get off at the front of the bus (as the stops haven't got the bump for the middle door), and you get people walking back and forth to find the reader.