Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Calthrop]

Supermarkets distributing different variations of the same product across multiple locations e.g my local Tesco where the value and finest ham are on one aisle, their mid range ham (in price and quality) is in the deli fridges at he back of the store, and the Italian hams are on another aisle.

This particular feature of the general food scene, would appear to be one in which supermarkets tend to be weird. It mildly annoys me that my local Sainsburys has a section labelled "charcuterie": which is in fact dedicated to pretty humdrum and thoroughly British, packeted ham and related ditto, e.g. tongue. Actual "exotic and interesting" cooked meats, sausage, etc., are at a case-end a couple of corners away in the store.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

The phrase "the other half"
I cannot stand that. The use of that phrase should be punishable by 5 years living in Stevenage

It's better than "The wife", "SWMBO" or "DH"

Or, "Her indoors."

I just refer to her as ‘the Boss’. Covers all bases…..

I usually refer to Mrs 32475 by her proper name or as my Better Half or very occasionally as the Memsahib

''The better half'' too. If you're already living in Stevenage, then using the term should preclude you from ever being allowed to leave.

I hadn't realised how much all these highly original and clever nicknames for one's spouse annoyed me, until now...

Stevenage is too good for them!

 

[Lucan]

Supermarkets distributing different variations of the same product across multiple locations

The layout is optimised for impulse buying. I expect they pay marketing consultants £millions for these schemes. By having ham in three different places it prompts people three times over to buy it, or wears down their resistance to buying it. Bottles of wine are particularly liable to be placed everywhere as well as the wine aisle itself.

 

[gg1]

The layout is optimised for impulse buying. I expect they pay marketing consultants £millions for these schemes. By having ham in three different places it prompts people three times over to buy it, or wears down their resistance to buying it. Bottles of wine are particularly liable to be placed everywhere as well as the wine aisle itself.

That tactic completely failed in my case as I wasn't aware their mid range ham was in the deli fridges until I happened to spot it a few weeks ago. I assumed they'd just dropped it from their range when it disappeared from it's old spot next to the value (poor quality) and finest (ridiculously overpriced) ham a few years ago so switched to buying Asda ham instead.

 

[Sun Chariot]

On a retail "customer marketing" theme, I hereby ban the purchase algorithm used in Nectar loyalty vouchers.

Many years of using my Nectar card, all the tills' printers give me are vouchers.for travel money, pet insurance and "save £18 on your first online shop". I have no need for any of those.

Conversely, I've made good use of literally dozens of other vouchers, left by other shoppers - money off and relevant bonus points. Yet I have never received one.

 

[AM9]

That tactic completely failed in my case as I wasn't aware their mid range ham was in the deli fridges until I happened to spot it a few weeks ago. I assumed they'd just dropped it from their range when it disappeared from it's old spot next to the value (poor quality) and finest (ridiculously overpriced) ham a few years ago so switched to buying Asda ham instead.

I'm sure that we can all quote anecdotal evidence that sales techniques didn't work for them, but those quotes are just that, - random isolated incidents. Clearly for decades now, retailers have used marketing techniques very successfully, and they can easily tolerate refusenics whilst profiting from the additional sales overall.

 

[dangie]

How the BBC always searches for ‘negative’ stories which in reality aren’t particularly negative at all.

From the BBC website this morning:
‘BBC analysis of National Rail data also shows that almost half of the trains that ran across Britain were at least one minute late.’

Two things here. I’m sure most rail users would be overjoyed if their train was just one minute late. Secondly, if almost half were at least one minute late, then more than half were on time.

 

[Richard Scott]

May have been mentioned before but why is everything a crisis according to the media? We now have the concrete crisis; it's not a crisis. It probably will prove expensive and inconvenience a number of people but it isn't a crisis.

 

[Gloster]

May have been mentioned before but why is everything a crisis according to the media? We now have the concrete crisis; it's not a crisis. It probably will prove expensive and inconvenience a number of people but it isn't a crisis.

Because words such as crisis are more likely to garner views from the gullible than more accurate ones such as problem. Clickbait, in other words.

 

[Techniquest]

On a retail "customer marketing" theme, I hereby ban the purchase algorithm used in Nectar loyalty vouchers.

Many years of using my Nectar card, all the tills' printers give me are vouchers.for travel money, pet insurance and "save £18 on your first online shop". I have no need for any of those.

Conversely, I've made good use of literally dozens of other vouchers, left by other shoppers - money off and relevant bonus points. Yet I have never received one.

I know what you mean, I get pet insurance ones and credit card ones often but the silly one is when it prints off the one telling you some of the products you buy are on offer/price-matched to Aldi. Yes, I'm very aware of that, I've just bought them!

The bonus points thing in the Nectar app is good though, I've earnt many thousands of points through those. The points offers have influenced my shopping more than a few times, but given Sainsburys is one of my favourite places to shop in Hereford, that's not too bad.

 

[Busaholic]

On a retail "customer marketing" theme, I hereby ban the purchase algorithm used in Nectar loyalty vouchers.

Many years of using my Nectar card, all the tills' printers give me are vouchers.for travel money, pet insurance and "save £18 on your first online shop". I have no need for any of those.

Conversely, I've made good use of literally dozens of other vouchers, left by other shoppers - money off and relevant bonus points. Yet I have never received one.

But you cannot use those vouchers because they have someone else's Nectar card number printed on them, so you'll get no benefit. I proved (to myself anyway) the sexism rife in the system by using my wife's Nectar card occasionally in place of my own, and the riches offered knew no end (well, three half decent discount vouchers and 5p per litre off fuel ). It explains the times I'm behind a woman in the queue who's buying much the same sort and quantity of stuff as me who gets printed vouchers erupting like a fruit machine win.

 

[AM9]

But you cannot use those vouchers because they have someone else's Nectar card number printed on them, so you'll get no benefit. I proved (to myself anyway) the sexism rife in the system by using my wife's Nectar card occasionally in place of my own, and the riches offered knew no end (well, three half decent discount vouchers and 5p per litre off fuel ). It explains the times I'm behind a woman in the queue who's buying much the same sort and quantity of stuff as me who gets printed vouchers erupting like a fruit machine win.

If you can't beat them, join them, (as in get a nectar card with a woman's name), they are hardly likely to make a fuss if the difference in the offers is so obvious.

 

[Sun Chariot]

But you cannot use those vouchers because they have someone else's Nectar card number printed on them

15 years and about 60 such vouchers - not a single one has been rejected by a cashier or a self-service till.

The printed barcode is merely the voucher's "redemption" data so the till knows what the voicher is (e.g. points / money off).

 

[birchesgreen]

May have been mentioned before but why is everything a crisis according to the media? We now have the concrete crisis; it's not a crisis. It probably will prove expensive and inconvenience a number of people but it isn't a crisis.

I dunno, for once this might indeed be a crisis if hundreds of schools and other public buildings are affected and may have to be closed. Though i take your point in general.

 

[yorksrob]

Perhaps they'll have to bring back those wooden mobile classrooms we had in the 80's where some of my more unruly colleagues used to kick holes in the walls !

 

[Busaholic]

15 years and about 60 such vouchers - not a single one has been rejected by a cashier or a self-service till.

The printed barcode is merely the voucher's "redemption" data so the till knows what the voicher is (e.g. points / money off).

I must have been very unlucky then when I've tried to use them a time or two. In fact, even some of the kosher vouchers I've had refused to be recognised, to my chagrin, and I was told to go and queue at Customer Services. I just removed the offending item from my bill and shop. Also, occasionally get a voucher offering discount e.g. West Country butter even though the store no longer stocks it.

 

[Gloster]

I must have been very unlucky then when I've tried to use them a time or two. In fact, even some of the kosher vouchers I've had refused to be recognised, to my chagrin, and I was told to go and queue at Customer Services. I just removed the offending item from my bill and shop. Also, occasionally get a voucher offering discount e.g. West Country butter even though the store no longer stocks it.

You ought to have demanded a reduction on whatever butter you bought. After all, if it is in the West Country it is, by definition, West Country butter.

 

[Techniquest]

15 years and about 60 such vouchers - not a single one has been rejected by a cashier or a self-service till.

The printed barcode is merely the voucher's "redemption" data so the till knows what the voicher is (e.g. points / money off).

My brother tried it once, even asked a Sainsburys colleague if it was OK and sure enough it worked. It was a nice few points for me, I think it was a triple points when spending a certain amount of money voucher.

That sort of voucher is certainly not too common now, used to get them all the time. To be fair though, if I've bought something that had no points offers on it, in the app they'll offer a bonus lucky dip kind of thing and sometimes it's just 5 points, but I often get 20 in such an offer. It may not be much, but it all helps

 

[ABB125]

Perhaps they'll have to bring back those wooden mobile classrooms we had in the 80's where some of my more unruly colleagues used to kick holes in the walls !

There are still some of these at the middle school I went to...

The ones at my high school were replaced a year or two ago by large new building

 

[yorksrob]

There are still some of these at the middle school I went to...

The ones at my high school were replaced a year or two ago by large new building

They were obviously more sturdy than I imagined.

Presumably, some of them will now outlast the buildings that were supposed to replace them !

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Spaghetti, you struggle to get it into the pan to cook it, serving it up is like trying to juggle eels and once on the plate you have the difficulty of actually eating the stuff.

 

[Busaholic]

Spaghetti, you struggle to get it into the pan to cook it, serving it up is like trying to juggle eels and once on the plate you have the difficulty of actually eating the stuff.

And ask yourself how many spaghetti trees have to be harvested to achieve that too.

 

[AM9]

And ask yourself how many spaghetti trees have to be harvested to achieve that too.

Now there's an age-defining memory.

 

[birchesgreen]

Spaghetti, you struggle to get it into the pan to cook it, serving it up is like trying to juggle eels and once on the plate you have the difficulty of actually eating the stuff.

Break it in half when you put it in the pan. I realise this is off-message in pasta world but i find it works really well.

Then when cooked put the spaghetti in the pan with the sauce to mix it up before serving, easier than mixing it on the plate.

 

[Gloster]

Make sure the water is boiling and then stick as much spaghetti in as you can: it will soften quickly and you can push more in bit by bit until it is all curled around under the water. It is always worth tipping the sauce over the spaghetti or vice-versa while the sauce finishes its cooking.

 

[birchesgreen]

Or just use fresh pasta which bends.

 

[dangie]

Spaghetti, you struggle to get it into the pan to cook it, serving it up is like trying to juggle eels and once on the plate you have the difficulty of actually eating the stuff.

Post #5843. One of my annoyances.

 

[jfollows]

Break it in half when you put it in the pan. I realise this is off-message in pasta world but i find it works really well.

When I was younger my parents went on holiday and my dad's mother was roped in to look after us during their absence.
I realise now, which I didn't understand then, that she was a terrible cook (I do recall her pink chicken but didn't realise at the time how close she was to killing us all with it).
My mother, knowing this, left her some "simple" things to cook, one of which was spaghetti bolognese or similar in the freezer.
My granny had to cook spaghetti, probably for the first time in her life, and was baffled by its length and broke it into pieces first.
My mum said that on their return she spent days discovering shards of uncooked spaghetti pieces in various cracks and crevices in the kitchen.
The good thing is that none of us died at the hands of my granny.

 

[birchesgreen]

When I was younger my parents went on holiday and my dad's mother was roped in to look after us during their absence.
I realise now, which I didn't understand then, that she was a terrible cook (I do recall her pink chicken but didn't realise at the time how close she was to killing us all with it).
My mother, knowing this, left her some "simple" things to cook, one of which was spaghetti bolognese or similar in the freezer.
My granny had to cook spaghetti, probably for the first time in her life, and was baffled by its length and broke it into pieces first.
My mum said that on their return she spent days discovering shards of uncooked spaghetti pieces in various cracks and crevices in the kitchen.
The good thing is that none of us died at the hands of my granny.

Well breaking it over the pan rather than throwing it around the kitchen helps.

 

[jfollows]

Well breaking it over the pan rather than throwing it around the kitchen helps.

I said she was a dreadful cook!