Are we losing the ability to verbally communicate?

[Bertie the bus]

Has the advent of 24 hour access to the internet reduced people’s ability to communicate face to face or has it just made us more aware of people who struggled already?

There are so many threads which boil down to ‘I did/said this, they did/said that and the end result is I didn’t get what I required. What should I do?’ The obvious answer is you should have explained to the person you were dealing with that wasn’t what you asked for and got the situation resolved there and then instead of walking away and posting something on the internet.

Have others, especially those old enough to have managed to exist quite successfully before smart phones were invented, noticed a change or is it just me?

 

[gordonthemoron]

No, I think you're right and there is also a tendency to trust google/internet over asking people

 

[DarloRich]

No - I can still communicate perfectly well.

 

[Bletchleyite]

I think electronic communication has made things a lot easier for those who found communication in person difficult, certainly.

 

[underbank]

I think electronic communication has made things a lot easier for those who found communication in person difficult, certainly.

Have to agree with that. It's been a massive success for those who used to find face-to-face communication challenging - it's made "normal" work and life possible. Just a shame that maybe not so much of a success story for those who could & used to communicate verbally, but now have lost that ability.

 

[Ken H]

Email and blogs like this carry an inherent risk that the sort of understanding you get in a face to faceconversation from body language, tone of voice and inflection and facial expression is lost. Even in a phone conversation you get the voice inflection.

I once had work email conversation with a bloke and he came across as dead stroppy. I was actually quite nervy about meeting him. But when I met him, he was really nice. he just had an unfortunate manner in email.

I think written communication is more at risk. I rarely write stuff now, using a computer for everything. So when I wrote Christmas cards this year, I was embarrassed my handwriting had deteriorated so much.

 

[Senex]

Have to agree with that. It's been a massive success for those who used to find face-to-face communication challenging - it's made "normal" work and life possible. Just a shame that maybe not so much of a success story for those who could & used to communicate verbally, but now have lost that ability.

I agree too — and not just for face-to-face but also for the even more challenging use of the telephone.

 

[birchesgreen]

I think written communication is more at risk. I rarely write stuff now, using a computer for everything. So when I wrote Christmas cards this year, I was embarrassed my handwriting had deteriorated so much.

With me its the opposite, because i write so rarely when i do it i tend to take my time over it and write much better than i did in the past!

 

[bramling]

I think electronic communication has made things a lot easier for those who found communication in person difficult, certainly.

Not so sure about face-to-face, however anything electronic has to be better than communicating by telephone. An awful way to communicate as you still don’t get the benefits of body language / facial expression, and get all the disadvantages of having to speak to someone who may not understand you, bad line, et cetera.

Phone is okay if all goes well, but if not it can be a pain in the backside for both parties.

 

[alxndr]

I third(?) this. I've never been particularly good at reading people's body language, or become so focused on trying to maintain a conversation that I forget to remember key details or ask clarifying questions in person. In text it's there in black and white and can be referred back to. For important matters I much prefer it to verbal communication.

 

[Iskra]

I'd say the problem isn't with the communication, but the listening. It's the most under-rated skill.

People hear what they want to hear.

 

[underbank]

I'd say the problem isn't with the communication, but the listening. It's the most under-rated skill.

People hear what they want to hear.

But those same people read what they want to read too! Benefit is that you've got it in black and white what you have written so there's proof if it's ever needed rather than the "he said, she said" doubt.

 

[DanDaDriver]

I don’t think so. I suspect this forum may (with the greatest of respect) have a greater percentage of people who find social interaction a bit more difficult for whatever reason.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Not so sure about face-to-face, however anything electronic has to be better than communicating by telephone. An awful way to communicate as you still don’t get the benefits of body language / facial expression, and get all the disadvantages of having to speak to someone who may not understand you, bad line, et cetera.

Phone is okay if all goes well, but if not it can be a pain in the backside for both parties.

Yes, I really dislike the telephone, it's a disruptive and awkward method of communication. It's becoming less popular all the time - Google even has a jolly jape on recent Android phones, if you clear your call history it says "Did you know you can make calls using your phone?"

 

[bramling]

Yes, I really dislike the telephone, it's a disruptive and awkward method of communication. It's becoming less popular all the time - Google even has a jolly jape on recent Android phones, if you clear your call history it says "Did you know you can make calls using your phone?"

Indeed - it's quite normal now for my landline bill at home each month to register zero outgoing calls.

The railway still runs on the telephone though - albeit with people (allegedly in some cases...) trained to a higher standard of communication protocol than your average Joe public! Nonetheless misunderstandings still occur.

 

[jmh59]

I've been using email in some shape or form since the mid 1970's. To me, other than having the permanence of the written (typed) word for future reference and giving think time that is not easy in vocal conversation, I don't feel it's made me any more socially awkward than I was. I'm fine in conversation - in the pub say - but not fine at 'starting' a conversation. I never was.

Mind you, the one thing that really has suffered is my hand writing. It's now far worse than a GPs!

Oh, and yes the phone can be a disturbance. Some time ago I had to contact the phone provider but my hearing was well down at that time and I used their webchat facility to explain I needed an email address to send to. In the chat all they could do was tell me the number to call. I eventually found a complaints form and tried that way, and got an email address. I emailed my message... the reply came an hour later giving me the number to call. I gave up and later walked into one of their stores where the staff very quickly sorted the issue for me!

 

[UP13]

I don’t think so. I suspect this forum may (with the greatest of respect) have a greater percentage of people who find social interaction a bit more difficult for whatever reason.

That's what I've noticed on here. Plenty of people who take jokes literally or take light hearted threads seriously.

 

[PeterC]

Yes, I really dislike the telephone, it's a disruptive and awkward method of communication. It's becoming less popular all the time - Google even has a jolly jape on recent Android phones, if you clear your call history it says "Did you know you can make calls using your phone?"

I agree about the phone. Two companies that I have worked for have had internal campaigns against using email for internal communication. I never understood why it should be better to interrupt somebody in a customer contact role rather than leave a message in their inbox for them to deal with when convenient.

The calls that always get me though are the ones from people who looked up the phone number on the net in order to ask you the address that was printed next to the phone number on the web page.

 

[nlogax]

"Hi, just calling you to check you received and have acted upon the email I sent to you five minutes ago". Worst of both worlds.

I spend much of my working day across both the US and UK hours on the phone or Skype calls. Last thing I want to do once the work laptop and phone are off is have more phone calls. I'm talked out.

 

[jmh59]

That's what I've noticed on here. Plenty of people who take jokes literally or take light hearted threads seriously.

That's not necessarily a lack of social interaction. I worked in higher education for 40+ years and it is way to easy for a joke to be taken out of context (and sometimes quite awkward to then have to explain the punch line in 4 different ways to 4 different groups!). Mind you, I do see what you mean here.

 

[DarloRich]

That's what I've noticed on here. Plenty of people who take jokes literally or take light hearted threads seriously.

I suspect that is more to do with the "social awkwardness" of many people interested in trains.

 

[UP13]

I suspect that is more to do with the "social awkwardness" of many people interested in trains.

That's what I was getting at.

 

[Busaholic]

I suspect that is more to do with the "social awkwardness" of many people interested in trains.

Phew, that's me off the hook then....

 

[underbank]

I once had work email conversation with a bloke and he came across as dead stroppy. I was actually quite nervy about meeting him. But when I met him, he was really nice. he just had an unfortunate manner in email.

But the opposite is also possible. There are people who are pleasant, polite and smiley to your face, giving you the impression everything is fine, and then you get a curt/short text or email afterwards saying no. Some people simply can't say no or be unpleasant in person.

At the end of the day, everyone is different. What is brilliant these days is that we have so many communication choices - face to face, telephone, email, text, or letters - that choice has never been enjoyed in the past, so we should embrace it and do what works for us. Businesses and organisations need to facilitate contact in all those ways if they wish to succeed and not just concentrate on one or two options. I'll happily remove my business from a firm that doesn't allow me to communicate by email - i.e. those that insist on phone contact, likewise I'll not give business to those who insist on email only and don't provide telephone contact points. It should all be about options and choice.

 

[Ken H]

But the opposite is also possible. There are people who are pleasant, polite and smiley to your face, giving you the impression everything is fine, and then you get a curt/short text or email afterwards saying no. Some people simply can't say no or be unpleasant in person.

At the end of the day, everyone is different. What is brilliant these days is that we have so many communication choices - face to face, telephone, email, text, or letters - that choice has never been enjoyed in the past, so we should embrace it and do what works for us. Businesses and organisations need to facilitate contact in all those ways if they wish to succeed and not just concentrate on one or two options. I'll happily remove my business from a firm that doesn't allow me to communicate by email - i.e. those that insist on phone contact, likewise I'll not give business to those who insist on email only and don't provide telephone contact points. It should all be about options and choice.

So you don't do business with HMRC then!

 

[underbank]

So you don't do business with HMRC then!

I deal daily with HMRC as that's my business and after various changes in practice over the past 30+ years I've been dealing with them, I actually think they're doing OK at the moment as regards communication. Their progress is glacial, but they're definitely heading in the right direction. Most things are now automated via their internal portal and structured emails, and there's still the backup option of phoning them or writing to them. That's a massive improvement on, say, 10 years ago when they took months to deal with anything posted to them, phone queue waiting times were in hours, and they'd barely heard of the internet!

 

[Howardh]

I deal daily with HMRC as that's my business and after various changes in practice over the past 30+ years I've been dealing with them, I actually think they're doing OK at the moment as regards communication. Their progress is glacial, but they're definitely heading in the right direction. Most things are now automated via their internal portal and structured emails, and there's still the backup option of phoning them or writing to them. That's a massive improvement on, say, 10 years ago when they took months to deal with anything posted to them, phone queue waiting times were in hours, and they'd barely heard of the internet!

To be fair to HMRC, after my dad's death and the transfer of pensions + bank interest etc to mum (I have POA) everything went smoothly and automatically; new tax code etc; and the only paperwork I did was a letter + statements of mum's interest in the previous 12 months to April. So another tax code...
But thiongs were fine; trouble is I don't know if the codes are right > but if £1000 mysteriously disappears from her pensions I'll have a rethink!!!

 

[BluePenguin]

Yes this is a huge problem. I find people who are not good with words infuriating to talk to, as they have nothing to add to a conversation. Usually I get bored of trying, give up and find someone else to talk to. It is even worse when people don't write in full sentences in replies to messages. It can be difficult to make out what they are saying.

At least (some) introverts sometimes come out of their shell a little after a while and can have a chat with someone one to one

 

[BluePenguin]

I think electronic communication has made things a lot easier for those who found communication in person difficult, certainly.

It certainly has helped a lot. I think it has helped people to gain the confidence to try speakig to people more in person. Some of my quieter friends tend to still send a message when they are upset about something rather than call or tell me in person though.

Do you think communication difficulties are an confidence issue, anxiety, lack of being around people or something else?

 

[northwichcat]

Yes, I really dislike the telephone, it's a disruptive and awkward method of communication.

I don't understand internal phone calls in smallish workplaces when you can get up and walk over to the desk of the person you want to talk to. Email has advantages where it can be difficult to explain something face to face or where a written record of the communication is useful, but for internal communication phones just don't seem to have any advantages over face to face.