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Annual Christmas nonsense

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Hadders

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The seats on 387s and 700s are both ironing boards however those on a 387 are wider and have an arm rest making them just about bearable.

The seats on the 700s are absolutely awful.
 
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Harbouring

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Good to Santa Western Sleighways have commited to having a guard on the sleigh, but for how long?
 
TT-ONR-NRN

TT-ONR-NRN

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Lrd said:
It clearly states "Santa and guard operated"
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Hmm. I wonder if there will be a buffet car or a trolley... depends if it’s a High Speed Sleigh or the new Intercity Express Sleigh I suppose. :lol:

Edit: Just found out it’s scheduled to be the latter, so no express cafe sadly.
 
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Lrd

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A trolley service of mulled wine and mince pies will be making its way through the train, please keep all presents clear of the aisles.
 
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Considering the number of planned engineering works that are scheduled, I'm very impressed that Santa has avoided all the routes with Reindeer Replacement Buses.
 
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pompeyfan

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Surely it won’t be long until the DfT get involved and mandate that Father Christmas ‘explore ways to keep services running when elves are unavailable to work the train’ I wonder if the sleigh that’s in for overhaul will return with exterior cameras and DOO monitors....?
 
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As part of the franchise commitment, I believe Santa is to look into improving journey times by a minute next year. All trips will have to start at 2359 or 0001! Might be a few more passing loops than just Naughty Kid!
 
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mds86

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Brilliant - I see there is a lack of elves for tonight's service! Only 5 sleighs instead of 10!! At least all stops will still be served.
 

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pdeaves

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If someone's looking for something to do, here is an exercise. What is the shortest possible journey between the stations in the order listed? (Assume that 'Naughty Kid' is conveniently between the stations either side and santa flies in exact straight lines). Location grid references and longitude/latitude are available on sub-pages to this page http://www.railwaycodes.org.uk/stations/station0.shtm if it's helpful.
 
TT-ONR-NRN

TT-ONR-NRN

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Sorry - why is that joke even on Realtime trains? It’s supposed to be a serious website isn’t it?
 
fowler9

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TT-ONR-NRN said:
Sorry - why is that joke even on Realtime trains? It’s supposed to be a serious website isn’t it?
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Life is a terminal condition. You will die at some point sadly. It isn't a dress rehearsal. Have some fun. I think that is what the website was doing.
 
TT-ONR-NRN

TT-ONR-NRN

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pompeyfan said:
Looks like someone trying to be offended about nothing.
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Not at all, I see it as a light hearted joke, but I was using the website to try and see if any paths were working at all and was very confused to see that! It was only when I clicked on it I realised what it was! :)
 
xotGD

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Apparently for the first time a DVT sleigh will be used with the reindeer pushing from the rear.
 
Peter Mugridge

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Time to dig up this old one that started circulating on the internet from the time of the Iraq war; presumably these days it would be re-written to relate to Korea... :


The below has been leaked from the American Military.


***** TOP SECRET: CONTACT / COMBAT REPORT *****



**PRIORITY FLASH TRAFFIC***PRIORITY FLASH TRAFFIC**



By USAF Maj. Gen Dymm Witt



To: George W. Bush, White House, Washington DC


CC: Chiefs of Defence Staff, The Pentagon, Washington DC



Iraq; December 25th 2006



On the night of 24th / 25th December 2006, I was on duty in the AWACS radar aircraft covering the Iraq region. Shortly after 00.00hrs, my attention was drawn to a strange return signal on one of the radar screens.

This indicated that a number of unknown aircraft were approaching at a very high speed from the north. The radar return indicated a close formation of eight or nine smaller craft leading one larger craft in a dual line astern formation led by a single smaller craft.

The radar targets were then illuminated with a high powered infra red detection array which revealed that the smaller craft were radiating considerably more heat than the single larger craft, although a prominent heat source was noted at the forward top position on the larger craft.

Further, the eight or nine smaller craft all appeared to be fitted with some kind of strange antenna to their nose cones. Visual examination of the area in which the targets were aquired revealed only a single red light moving south at high speed.

As I observed this formation of unknown craft on screen, it became apparant that the single large craft at the rear of the formation was dropping a large number of small objects. These appeared to be aimed directly at residential areas.

Immediate and urgent attempts were made to identify the craft by means of the IFF equipment; no response was received.

Based on this information, I decided that the craft represented a clear and present danger to the civilian and allied military population of the area and I gave the order to eliminate this danger by whatever means neccessary.

A pair of F-16 aircraft were scrambled and, under my guidance, the lead aircraft fired a pair of heat seeking missiles at the unknown formation. The first of these was observed to strike just below the middle of the formation narrowly missing one of the craft, which appeared to deploy a large cloud of chaff. Unfortunately the missile was fooled by the chaff and exploded some feet below the target.

Two of the smaller craft were, however, apparantly damaged by this explosion as they were observed to immediately drop several feet out of formation, hanging below the rest of the craft as if suspended by wires. In both cases the forward facing antenna were observed to be drooping downwards, so both craft were clearly out of action at this point.

This appeared to adversely affect the other craft in the formation as the entire formation reduced speed; presumably this was caused by some loss of power to all craft resulting from the explosion. It was noted also that at this point all the remaining craft appeared to deploy large volumes of chaff.

The second missile was more accurately targeted and struck the lead craft directly. This craft appeared to vanish from the screens at that point and can be assumed to have been destroyed. The two craft immediately behind, one leading each wing of the formation, also appear to have been taken out of action by this missile as they appeared to lose power and adopted a nose down attitude.

Although the entire remaining formation was now losing altitude rapidly, it remained airborne so I accordingly instructed the second F-16 to fire two missiles.

These struck simultaneously; one hit the second row of craft in the lead of the formation and the other struck the larger craft at the rear of the formation. Following these explosions I could observe several small craft in an erractic and vertical trajectory downwards while the larger craft appeared to disintegrate and all portions were also observed to be falling to the ground.

I concluded that the targets had all been destroyed and lifted the state of alert, allowing the F-16s to return to base.

A full report from ground troops examining the debris trail are awaited, but initial discoveries are interesting; large numbers of brightly wrapped small objects are scattered across several miles of desert; I have instructed that these be carefully guarded and have re-deployed every bomb disposal operative in Iraq to render these harmless. Further back, a large number of blobs of a mysterious smelly brown semi-liquid chemical compound have been located; this is currently being analysed by the entire regional force of CIA and FBI chemical experts. The body of what may be one crew member has been recovered; this appears to be that of an elderly male with copious white hair who appears to have been wearing some kind of red uniform. Efforts to identify the origin of this uniform are in place with the entire staff of the CIA Military Intelligence Unit. The results are awaited.


**********TRANSMISSION ENDS**********
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