Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[mlambeuk]

People who can't string a sentence together without using the "F" word.
People who use the phrase "Clowncil" for Council. A bit mean to clowns.

 

[Merle Haggard]

I'm irritated by people talking who alternate words with meaning and the filler words 'like' or 'kinder'; sometimes both combined. Painful to have a simple answer padded out.
Also people who don't realise the difference between 'alternate' and 'alternative'.

 

[Mr. SW]

That‘s deliberate and actually good practice in Market Research, as it forces the responder to have an opinion one way or the other.

Four questionnaires I was subjected to

Case 1: When I was still living in west London, I got a paper questionnaire regarding the expansion of Heathrow Airport. It was, from reading the questions, very difficult to make your opinion against the development, even if you wanted to. There was an option to skip questions you didn't like, but it was buried in the small print. It was sent on a one-way trip to the recycling bin.
Case 2: A company I worked for decided to go for the Sunday Times 100 Best Companies to work for. Completion of the anonymised paper survey was compulsory. It was never heard of again, no results, no nothing. As the company was going through a difficult period at the time and all sorts of random commandments and ideas were coming through from head office, I wasn't entirely surprised and suspect that probably quite a few junior and not so junior employees used the opportunity to vent their spleen.
Case 3: A local government paper survey on the roads in the area. Full of subtly worded and weighted questions on road standards and maintenance. I e-mailed the survey company with the results they were going to get. They not pleased. The results were "sort of" published, and were entirely predictable. I kept a copy of the form to show friends and visitors as an example of how not to create a questionnaire.
Case 4: A recent national government on-line survey on whatever it was. I don't remember what it was about and didn't care. I answered "Prefer not to say" to all questions regardless.

If anybody comes to my door or stops me in the street with a survey, they can just **** off, and I advise others to do likewise. I assure you that all information gathered in such a way is absolutely 100% useless and anyway will be either misinterpreted or disregarded.

My scientific degree taught me to question results. enforce rigour over what and how data was collected and make allowances for statistical error etc.

Not very funny, but I had to get it off my chest.

 

[Gloster]

Four questionnaires I was subjected to

Case 1: When I was still living in west London, I got a paper questionnaire regarding the expansion of Heathrow Airport. It was, from reading the questions, very difficult to make your opinion against the development, even if you wanted to. There was an option to skip questions you didn't like, but it was buried in the small print. It was sent on a one-way trip to the recycling bin.
Case 2: A company I worked for decided to go for the Sunday Times 100 Best Companies to work for. Completion of the anonymised paper survey was compulsory. It was never heard of again, no results, no nothing. As the company was going through a difficult period at the time and all sorts of random commandments and ideas were coming through from head office, I wasn't entirely surprised and suspect that probably quite a few junior and not so junior employees used the opportunity to vent their spleen.
Case 3: A local government paper survey on the roads in the area. Full of subtly worded and weighted questions on road standards and maintenance. I e-mailed the survey company with the results they were going to get. They not pleased. The results were "sort of" published, and were entirely predictable. I kept a copy of the form to show friends and visitors as an example of how not to create a questionnaire.
Case 4: A recent national government on-line survey on whatever it was. I don't remember what it was about and didn't care. I answered "Prefer not to say" to all questions regardless.

If anybody comes to my door or stops me in the street with a survey, they can just **** off, and I advise others to do likewise. I assure you that all information gathered in such a way is absolutely 100% useless and anyway will be either misinterpreted or disregarded.

My scientific degree taught me to question results. enforce rigour over what and how data was collected and make allowances for statistical error etc.

Not very funny, but I had to get it off my chest.

…or how to create a questionnaire that produces the answers you want.

 

[Mr. SW]

Yup

 

[Topological]

If anybody comes to my door or stops me in the street with a survey, they can just **** off, and I advise others to do likewise. I assure you that all information gathered in such a way is absolutely 100% useless and anyway will be either misinterpreted or disregarded.

My scientific degree taught me to question results. enforce rigour over what and how data was collected and make allowances for statistical error etc.

Not very funny, but I had to get it off my chest.

In my professional capacity, I would also agree 100%. The examples given are all cases of designing surveys for a purpose. We have many modules teaching how things should be done properly, but of course you can use the approach to actually create the opposite.

Please do fill in some surveys though, we do need data. I just recommend focusing on the non-commercial and non-political ones. When there is not enough data those statistical errors only get larger. A lot of thought goes into the design of sampling processes for the national cohort surveys etc.

Can I ban over use of same brush for tarring?

 

[bspahh]

…or how to create a questionnaire that produces the answers you want.

As described in Yes Minister

 

[Merle Haggard]

That‘s deliberate and actually good practice in Market Research, as it forces the responder to have an opinion one way or the other.

There are many subjects on which I personally have no opinion either way.
Difficult to say more!

 

[Ediswan]

Use of 'analogue' to describe anything that pre-dates digital technology. Recent examples are 'analogue photography' and 'analogue politics'.

 

[daveo]

Four questionnaires I was subjected to

Case 1: When I was still living in west London, I got a paper questionnaire regarding the expansion of Heathrow Airport. It was, from reading the questions, very difficult to make your opinion against the development, even if you wanted to. There was an option to skip questions you didn't like, but it was buried in the small print. It was sent on a one-way trip to the recycling bin.
Case 2: A company I worked for decided to go for the Sunday Times 100 Best Companies to work for. Completion of the anonymised paper survey was compulsory. It was never heard of again, no results, no nothing. As the company was going through a difficult period at the time and all sorts of random commandments and ideas were coming through from head office, I wasn't entirely surprised and suspect that probably quite a few junior and not so junior employees used the opportunity to vent their spleen.
Case 3: A local government paper survey on the roads in the area. Full of subtly worded and weighted questions on road standards and maintenance. I e-mailed the survey company with the results they were going to get. They not pleased. The results were "sort of" published, and were entirely predictable. I kept a copy of the form to show friends and visitors as an example of how not to create a questionnaire.
Case 4: A recent national government on-line survey on whatever it was. I don't remember what it was about and didn't care. I answered "Prefer not to say" to all questions regardless.

If anybody comes to my door or stops me in the street with a survey, they can just **** off, and I advise others to do likewise. I assure you that all information gathered in such a way is absolutely 100% useless and anyway will be either misinterpreted or disregarded.

My scientific degree taught me to question results. enforce rigour over what and how data was collected and make allowances for statistical error etc.

Not very funny, but I had to get it off my chest.

I bet your record of complaining - "I've never been asked" is greater than zero!

 

[The exile]

Actually, brainy, and deliberate. You are far more likely to be injured walking down steps than up steps, and the injury is likely to be more severe. And people who struggle to use steps (for whatever reason) struggle with them in each direction. Therefore setting the working escalator to down reduces the risk of injury.

Yes it requires people to put in more effort, but in a small way, that helps people get a tiny bit healthier

It depends where and what the alternatives are.

 

[AM9]

It depends where and what the alternatives are.

I think the original example was about one escalator available for either direction so @Bald Rick 's assertion that statistically descending a stationary escalator is a greater hazard than ascending that same flight. They are the two alternatives in discussion.

 

[The exile]

I think the original example was about one escalator available for either direction so @Bald Rick 's assertion that statistically descending a stationary escalator is a greater hazard than ascending that same flight. They are the two alternatives in discussion.

Right, of course - I had the current situation at work in my head where they leave one running while working on the other. If it’s the middle of three floors you’re then stuck as building work makes it impossible to get round the normal way so you have to do an enormous detour

 

[Gloster]

Another trivial one. I received another of the ever increasing stream of e-mails from my ‘healthcare provider’ that shows how they think I am falling apart. It was from a ‘no reply’ address but was signed by the woman responsible for sending it. She had signed (typed) her name (first name and double-barrelled surname) entirely in lower case: I was brought up to always use upper case for names and titles. (The occasional exceptions with names including the occasional old French, such as de or le, or ff.)

 

[m79900]

In some cafes, (generally slightly hipster type places) rather than displaying the price of something as say £5.50, they'd say 5.5. Just 5.5. This hacks me off more than it should.

 

[Topological]

In some cafes, (generally slightly hipster type places) rather than displaying the price of something as say £5.50, they'd say 5.5. Just 5.5. This hacks me off more than it should.

That is a brilliant one. I avoid such places, but it is inevitable that you end up in one sooner or later.

 

[Techniquest]

In some cafes, (generally slightly hipster type places) rather than displaying the price of something as say £5.50, they'd say 5.5. Just 5.5. This hacks me off more than it should.

I see where they’re coming from to a certain extent, since it’s just one currency so is there really a need to put a £ symbol up? Equally, it does scream pretentious.

I’ve seen it done at Waylands Yard in Worcester and, just yesterday at what I think was called Bulldog Coffee in Merthyr Tydfil. I was going into the latter, then saw a filter coffee was ‘4’. No thanks, just as well as Cafe N’Joy nearby was selling regular coffee for £2 and it was amazing.

Yesterday I was going to contribute a bit more of my own thoughts on this thread, then decided against it but I’ve remembered one that really annoys me:

Poor signage on National Cycle Network routes. Thankfully it’s got better on some routes, the 46 is one where it can be confusing in places but it’s been improved in places. Likewise, there was a junction I got to yesterday and the sign said to go left.

Which is what I did last time and I got lost. This time, I was on foot (I’ll talk about it another time on the relevant thread) and I saw what looked like the correct and, probably in fairness improved, route tucked away. It may not have been available last time, given the area has had literal decades of major civil engineering going on. The A465 works appear to have possibly been completed now, I could be wrong but I have waited at least 21 years for that stage. Yes, really, it’s been going that long and probably more!

On a signage note, the more silly people in society who either remove the signage without consent or move it to point the wrong way.

 

[Topological]

I see where they’re coming from to a certain extent, since it’s just one currency so is there really a need to put a £ symbol up? Equally, it does scream pretentious.

I’ve seen it done at Waylands Yard in Worcester and, just yesterday at what I think was called Bulldog Coffee in Merthyr Tydfil. I was going into the latter, then saw a filter coffee was ‘4’. No thanks, just as well as Cafe N’Joy nearby was selling regular coffee for £2 and it was amazing.

Yesterday I was going to contribute a bit more of my own thoughts on this thread, then decided against it but I’ve remembered one that really annoys me:

Poor signage on National Cycle Network routes. Thankfully it’s got better on some routes, the 46 is one where it can be confusing in places but it’s been improved in places. Likewise, there was a junction I got to yesterday and the sign said to go left.

Which is what I did last time and I got lost. This time, I was on foot (I’ll talk about it another time on the relevant thread) and I saw what looked like the correct and, probably in fairness improved, route tucked away. It may not have been available last time, given the area has had literal decades of major civil engineering going on. The A465 works appear to have possibly been completed now, I could be wrong but I have waited at least 21 years for that stage. Yes, really, it’s been going that long and probably more!

On a signage note, the more silly people in society who either remove the signage without consent or move it to point the wrong way.

The new A465 is brilliant. I drove it in the early hours of yesterday morning. Swansea to Abergavenny in 45 minutes, perfect. (My actual journey is not exaclty that and I got from home to Pontypool and New Inn in just 52 minutes). I already had the 50 with average-speed cameras as an annoyance in this thread. Downhill and you have to stay on the brake.

What I like about the A465 is there is a nice sign to give the middle finger too each time. Lets just say if I give the coffee shop 4 for their coffee and they give me a 1 discount, I am not going to say that the coffee shop pays for my £1 yellow label sandwich in Tesco.

 

[Techniquest]

45 minutes for that distance is very quick!

The new A465 is fantastic, no question of it, I’ve seen it mostly from either a cycling or walking adventures and the engineering involved is massive. An incredible achievement for certain, a long wait for it but wow!

I’ll probably wax lyrical about it elsewhere on the forum, this thread sure isn’t the place for that.

 

[Topological]

45 minutes for that distance is very quick!

The new A465 is fantastic, no question of it, I’ve seen it mostly from either a cycling or walking adventures and the engineering involved is massive. An incredible achievement for certain, a long wait for it but wow!

I’ll probably wax lyrical about it elsewhere on the forum, this thread sure isn’t the place for that.

Fair point, it wants 20 minutes to get to the M4/A465 junction. Perhaps better just say about 35 minutes from there to the edge of Abergavenny. Either way, I did not speed, and my time from home to Pontypool and New Inn yesterday morning was 52 minutes.

 

[DelW]

Use of 'analogue' to describe anything that pre-dates digital technology. Recent examples are 'analogue photography' and 'analogue politics'.

I think analogue photography is a reasonable usage. The image formed by changes to the chemical coating of the film or paper is an analogue of the original scene in front of the camera lens. Digital photography fundamentally altered that by rendering the scene as a series of numbers.

Similarly analogue music recording, where the sound ultimately produced a physical wiggly groove on an LP, or a magnetisation pattern on a tape cassette.

I have no idea what analogue politics is supposed to mean though! I'm with you on that one.

 

[mikeg]

I would ban bans that are unnecessary, unworkable or disproportionate.

 

[The exile]

In some cafes, (generally slightly hipster type places) rather than displaying the price of something as say £5.50, they'd say 5.5. Just 5.5. This hacks me off more than it should.

You have my vote as well. Nothing is more pretentious than abandoning conventional notation just for the sake of it.

 

[gg1]

Retail websites which only display a small number of items on each page, so if you're browsing their stock you constantly have to click 'next page' instead of just scrolling.

 

[jfollows]

In some cafes, (generally slightly hipster type places) rather than displaying the price of something as say £5.50, they'd say 5.5. Just 5.5. This hacks me off more than it should.

Restaurant menus are infested with this, it would appear, these days. I tend to do some research before going to a restaurant, and tend to avoid ones that do this.

 

[The exile]

Restaurant menus are infested with this, it would appear, these days. I tend to do some research before going to a restaurant, and tend to avoid ones that do this.

Indeed - it suggests to me the triumph of style over substance and a food outlet is the last place I want that!

 

[Statto]

Bank Holidays in England & Wales, after next Monday (Easter Monday) England & Wales has only 3 Bank Holidays left until Christmas, & 2 of those are in May, other parts of the World seem have regular Bank Holidays spread out throughout the year, like US were they have a couple of Bank Holidays (including Thanksgiving) in the Autumn, were as in England & Wales it's lobsided.

 

[The exile]

Bank Holidays in England & Wales, after next Monday (Easter Monday) England & Wales has only 3 Bank Holidays left until Christmas, & 2 of those are in May, other parts of the World seem have regular Bank Holidays spread out throughout the year, like US were they have a couple of Bank Holidays (including Thanksgiving) in the Autumn, were as in England & Wales it's lobsided.

One of the disadvantages of having had the reformation- otherwise we’d probably still have Ascension Day, Corpus Christi, the Assumption and All Saints’ Day. For pretty obvious reasons, we don’t have an Independence Day, nor an anniversary of the Liberation (except the Channel Islands). Blame a couple of different Cromwells!

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Time to make Trafalgar Day (= 21st October) a UK public holiday?

 

[py_megapixel]

Bank Holidays in England & Wales, after next Monday (Easter Monday) England & Wales has only 3 Bank Holidays left until Christmas, & 2 of those are in May, other parts of the World seem have regular Bank Holidays spread out throughout the year, like US were they have a couple of Bank Holidays (including Thanksgiving) in the Autumn, were as in England & Wales it's lobsided.

I also think that whenever we are going to have bank holidays employers should not be permitted to take them out of their employees' holiday allowance. If employers want to force employees to take leave on particular days, they should be required to grant leave over and above the statutory leave entitlement - i.e. the statutory entitlement should be calculated excluding those days.

The current situation, where employees can be effectively forced to use some of their statutory leave allowance for a selection of random days - that they might well not actually want to take off, and that are bunched together at inconvenient times of the year - is very poor.