"Doh" railway moments

[Egg Centric]

I was waiting on the rather wet platform at Durham earlier as a Nova 1 was in front of me and I kept hearing what sounded like a constant brake release and application, as if the system were somehow being over-pressured and continually having to release some, rhythmically. Which doesn't really make a lot of sense. "That's odd", thinks I. "I'll ask about that on Railforums later".

Then a couple of minutes later Azuma comes in on the oppposite side. The same noise seems to be coming from the front. Must be some kind of IET thing to do with the weather. But what possible system is this? Maybe it's like some cars that keep the brake pads dry by continually very gently applying them. But if so how come I've never heard of it? And why would it be the front bogie only?

And then I realise it's the noise of the wipers...

What's your stupidest "doh" moment?

 

[Harpo]

Expecting the power handle on a class 37 to need herculean strength but, on the first time of being asked ‘want to sit over here?’, finding that it moved very easily. (37004 leading 259)

 

[vic-rijrode]

At the Lakeside & Haverthwaite Railway many years ago, I was talking to one of the old hands in the shed and trying to sound knowledgeable about steam locos. He nodded and then out of the blue pointed up to the smokebox door of one of them and asked me if I knew what the "SC" under the number stood for.

"Oh" I said proudly, "Scottish Region loco". He snorted, sneered and told me it actually stood for Self-Cleaning.

Exit one crushed and deflated enthusiast.

The word "Doh" wasn't invented then but would have been entirely appropriate.

 

[Springs Branch]

The word "Doh" wasn't invented then . . .

Also from the days before the word was invented:-

As an almost-teenager (maybe 11 or 12 y.o.), I thought that you could only buy a train ticket from any given station to destinations which were served by direct trains. So if you wanted to travel, say, from Wigan to Llandudno, you needed to buy a Wigan - Warrington ticket, then book again at Warrington B.Q. for the onward journey.

Presumably this idea came from me being more familiar with bus journeys than longer train trips at that time (and long before the days of PTE / operator day tickets and the like on the buses).

My dad eventually put me right. Of course you could buy a train ticket from anywhere to just about anywhere else. If the booking office didn't have a printed ticket, the man behind the window just wrote out one with pen on a blank. Doh!

 

[LowLevel]

Years ago being the guard on a pair of class 153s and thinking to myself "ah, I've got a few minutes here, I'll catch up on my tickets" whilst waiting time at a station.

Turned off the door key switch, locked the panel door and off I went.

At departure time, keyed in at another panel, everything seemed OK, buzz buzz.

"Can't get the brake mate" says the driver. Try again, nothing.

Cue 5-10 minutes frantically checking all the passcoms, resetting MCBs (miniature circuit breakers) and all sorts with trains standing behind.

Get to the back of the train and notice the door panel cover looked a bit odd. On closer inspection I'd shut it over the still on local door switch, and it had flexed and locked shut.

Popped the switch back up and "pssst" went the brakes.

Significant amounts of humble pie consumed fessing up to the driver and control, but I never did hear anything from management about the delays!

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 24 Dec 2025 ==

Also from the days before the word was invented:-

As an almost-teenager (maybe 11 or 12 y.o.), I thought that you could only buy a train ticket from any given station to destinations which were served by direct trains. So if you wanted to travel, say, from Wigan to Llandudno, you needed to buy a Wigan - Warrington ticket, then book again at Warrington B.Q. for the onward journey.

Presumably this idea came from me being more familiar with bus journeys than longer train trips at that time (and long before the days of PTE / operator day tickets and the like on the buses).

My dad eventually put me right. Of course you could buy a train ticket from anywhere to just about anywhere else. If the booking office didn't have a printed ticket, the man behind the window just wrote out one with pen on a blank. Doh!

Back in the day you actually weren't wrong to a degree - on "Paytrain" routes you bought a ticket from the guard using a bus conductor's machine and part of the pricing structure was that you had to "rebook" if you wanted to travel off route!

 

[The exile]

Back in the day you actually weren't wrong to a degree - on "Paytrain" routes you bought a ticket from the guard using a bus conductor's machine and part of the pricing structure was that you had to "rebook" if you wanted to travel off route!

Causing much “harrumphing” on the part of my father at having to pay the family railcard child flat fare more than once for what was actually a through journey (£1 was significant back then!)

 

[LowLevel]

Causing much “harrumphing” on the part of my father at having to pay the family railcard child flat fare more than once for what was actually a through journey (£1 was significant back then!)

I well remember my mother being aggrieved that said fare was more than her regular local journey cost and that the railcard was only any good for longer runs

 

[Belperpete]

Also from the days before the word was invented:-

As an almost-teenager (maybe 11 or 12 y.o.), I thought that you could only buy a train ticket from any given station to destinations which were served by direct trains. So if you wanted to travel, say, from Wigan to Llandudno, you needed to buy a Wigan - Warrington ticket, then book again at Warrington B.Q. for the onward journey.

My sister did this the first time she travelled on the London Underground. She travelled from Victoria to Oxford Circus, where she went up to the booking office and bought another ticket for her onwards journey on the Bakerloo line. When asked why, her response was that you had to buy a new ticket when you changed buses, so she just assumed the same applied to the underground, with them both being operated by London Transport.

 

[Gloster]

After BR’s regions lost control of shipping and it was put into a new division, it took me quite a while to realise that the brand name was, in effect, Sea-Link, not Seal-Ink, which seemed to have no logical connection. In my defence I was barely into double figures at the time. I do sometimes wonder if this sparked my ongoing interest in the construction of words.

 

[4069]

Back in the day you actually weren't wrong to a degree - on "Paytrain" routes you bought a ticket from the guard using a bus conductor's machine and part of the pricing structure was that you had to "rebook" if you wanted to travel off route!

I fell foul of this in 1974 when I travelled, aged 14, from Liverpool Street to Wymondham. Told by the ticket clerk at Liverpool Street that he could only sell me a ticket to Norwich and I would have to rebook there, I duly stood in a long queue at Thorpe, only to be told curtly when I got to the front "pay on the train". The logic of this escaped me then, and still does.

 

[Belperpete]

I fell foul of this in 1974 when I travelled, aged 14, from Liverpool Street to Wymondham. Told by the ticket clerk at Liverpool Street that he could only sell me a ticket to Norwich and I would have to rebook there, I duly stood in a long queue at Thorpe, only to be told curtly when I got to the front "pay on the train". The logic of this escaped me then, and still does.

I suspect that it had something to do with pay-train guards getting commission on tickets they sold, and some booking clerks not wanting to deprive them of this.

 

[Falcon1200]

Model, as opposed to full-size railway, but I still recall being given a Triang R211 Shell Lubricating Oil tank wagon and being disappointed that it did not actually contain any oil!
I was about 6 at the time, later I realised how daft the thought was.

 

[Dr Hoo]

I suspect that it had something to do with pay-train guards getting commission on tickets they sold, and some booking clerks not wanting to deprive them of this.

It was also a way of very simply identifying all ‘local’ revenue to the line; i.e. total paytrain guard revenue.

Had the possibly unintended consequence that no ‘contributory’ revenue could be identified.

 

[Taunton]

Not me, but a number of others ...

Took the fast train from Victoria to Brighton. A lengthy 12 cars, and many could be seen walking down to the front at Victoria, beach bags in hand, to be first off on arrival. Set off, ran normally to Three Bridges, where a signal stop preceded an announcement that there was a blockage ahead and we were to be diverted. So turn off for Horsham, and eventually ran right through to Littlehampton, where we reversed in the station.

Back along the coast towards Brighton, during which time many of the keen lot initially at the front, now at the back, made a clumsy way through all 12 cars, bumping all with their beach bags, falling over legs and luggage as they went. Through Hove, destination in sight, but then turned left up the spur to Preston Park, stopping there to reverse again into the main Brighton platforms. Whereupon they were all at the back again.

Did we laugh ...

 

[MikeFromLFE]

I don't know if this counts, but it's railway related.

I was in my defence - very young - possibly about 8 years old - in about 1963.
My grandmother lived in a crossing keeper's house on the Leighton Buzzard to Dunstable branch line. Behind her house was a large piece of waste ground covered in child-head-high grass. Great for playing in.
Sparks from one of the engines had set the tinder dry grass alight one summer - my grandmother (from the crossing box) told me to bash out the fires with a spade. As a child I thought she was bonkers "A Spade??? What??? - What I needed was water, because water puts fires out" - So i proceeded to empty to garden water troughs and started filling buckets from the kitchen sink. Of course, I was totally ineffectual and eventually the local fire engine turned up and used ..... spades to beat the fires out!

 

[High Dyke]

Missed a few trains over the years. Timekeeping is not my forte. One journey, where I missed the train by seconds, was met with a "I thought you'd know better being a rail worker", by station staff.

 

[pdeaves]

Early 1990s, pre-central door locking, I was on an evening departure from St Pancras, first stop Wellingborough. As the train started, so a man ran up and scrambled in. Once he had caught his breath, only then did he check the service. "Is this the Welwyn Garden City train?". Oops, wrong station. I hope he got back to Welwyn OK.

 

[High Dyke]

Early 1990s, pre-central door locking, I was on an evening departure from St Pancras, first stop Wellingborough. As the train started, so a man ran up and scrambled in. Once he had caught his breath, only then did he check the service. "Is this the Welwyn Garden City train?". Oops, wrong station. I hope he got back to Welwyn OK.

That reminds me of a much told story. A similar incident at King's Cross. A gent rushes for the train, in the same vain as you posted. As the train speeds away he yells to the porter "Finsbury Park?" The porter replies "Yes, change at Peterborough."

Another escapade of mine was during the Network South East days, in the 1980s. Having had a great day travelling their area I settled in for a couple of trips on the loco-hauled Gatwick Express services, but soon nodded off to sleep. I woke with a panic passing Clapham Junction, in the wrong direction. I bailed out at East Croydon and legged it over to the platform for a train back into London, jumping into the moving carriage.

The guard came round and gave me a rollicking, but took no further action. Making the last train from King's Cross, for Huntingdon, I settled down again. For the second time, in the evening, I fell asleep, this time waking up approaching Peterborough. With no help or trains able to get back to my car at Huntingdon I had to phone a disgruntled parent to come and pick me up.

 

[MarlowDonkey]

Back in the day you actually weren't wrong to a degree - on "Paytrain" routes you bought a ticket from the guard using a bus conductor's machine and part of the pricing structure was that you had to "rebook" if you wanted to travel off route!

I seem to recall that in the 1960s, there was closure or partial closure of booking offices. Therefore you had to buy a ticket on the train which only offered a limited selection. The same may even have applied when the office was open, so you had enforced split ticketing.

When waa the Maltese cross introduced? If travelling via London terminals, you may even have needed to buy tickets three times.

 

[Ostrich]

One of those very popular Network South East days, way backalong now ......

At least 50 day trippers gathered on the platform at Crewkerne, awaiting the first train of the day, an "extra" that had been advertised as being put on from Exeter to cope with demand.

I forget the exact timings now, but it went down something like this:


Stationmaster: "The next train will be the 6:30 departure for Salisbury and Waterloo".
Class 50 rounds the curve at some pace and blasts through the station, leaving us all staring at the dwindling taillight heading down the track to Yeovil ...
Stationmaster (apologetically): "That was the 6:30 departure for Salisbury and Waterloo. The next train will be the 6:55 departure for Salisbury and Waterloo ,,,,".

A certain lack of communication between Laira and NSE Control, we later gathered.

 

[Magdalia]

I fell foul of this in 1974 when I travelled, aged 14, from Liverpool Street to Wymondham. Told by the ticket clerk at Liverpool Street that he could only sell me a ticket to Norwich and I would have to rebook there, I duly stood in a long queue at Thorpe, only to be told curtly when I got to the front "pay on the train". The logic of this escaped me then, and still does.

I suspect that it had something to do with pay-train guards getting commission on tickets they sold, and some booking clerks not wanting to deprive them of this.

Most of my earliest rail travel was on Anglia Paytrains. They did operate like a bus, and my parents used to call them diesel buses.

The guard sold tickets in the same way as a bus conductor, single tickets only using a Setright ticket machine. The tickets only had the same sort of information that bus tickets also had, boarding station, price and date.

The Paytrain concept had everything to do with keeping costs down, it enabled all of the stations to be unstaffed. It saved many Anglian branch lines that otherwise would have closed, such as the East Suffolk, Wherry and Bittern lines. But it wasn't enough to save others, such as Hunstanton, Dereham and St Ives.

The one way to avoid having to buy multiple single tickets was to get an Anglia Ranger ticket, either weekly or daily. For a day trip, for example from Cambridge to one of the East coast stations, a one day Anglia Ranger would be cheaper than buying single tickets.

What killed off Paytrain was technological advance, when guards got PORTIS ticket machines and could sell a wider variety of tickets.

 

[Taunton]

The Paytrain concept had everything to do with keeping costs down, it enabled all of the stations to be unstaffed. It saved many Anglian branch lines that otherwise would have closed, such as the East Suffolk, Wherry and Bittern lines. But it wasn't enough to save others, such as Hunstanton, Dereham and St Ives.

Gerry Fiennes wrote that signalboxes needed for level crossings absorbed half the total costs of railways in East Anglia. Ticket issuing economies would have been down in the decimal points of overall cost.

 

[Magdalia]

Gerry Fiennes wrote that signalboxes needed for level crossings absorbed half the total costs of railways in East Anglia. Ticket issuing economies would have been down in the decimal points of overall cost.

But he wrote that before the roll out of automatic half barrier level crossings in East Anglia.

 

[izvor]

Not me, but a number of others ...

Took the fast train from Victoria to Brighton. A lengthy 12 cars, and many could be seen walking down to the front at Victoria, beach bags in hand, to be first off on arrival. Set off, ran normally to Three Bridges, where a signal stop preceded an announcement that there was a blockage ahead and we were to be diverted. So turn off for Horsham, and eventually ran right through to Littlehampton, where we reversed in the station.

Back along the coast towards Brighton, during which time many of the keen lot initially at the front, now at the back, made a clumsy way through all 12 cars, bumping all with their beach bags, falling over legs and luggage as they went. Through Hove, destination in sight, but then turned left up the spur to Preston Park, stopping there to reverse again into the main Brighton platforms. Whereupon they were all at the back again.

Did we laugh ...

Me too. That's a classic.

 

[Pigeon]

My sister did this the first time she travelled on the London Underground. She travelled from Victoria to Oxford Circus, where she went up to the booking office and bought another ticket for her onwards journey on the Bakerloo line. When asked why, her response was that you had to buy a new ticket when you changed buses, so she just assumed the same applied to the underground, with them both being operated by London Transport.

I did that, but the ticket collector put me straight, telling me that I could use the same ticket for my onward journey and giving it back.

Whereupon I realised that having once got onto the Underground system, with a 10p ticket, I wouldn't need the ticket again until I came out of the system, and so didn't have to follow the 10p route. Instead I could take any route I pleased, limited only by the time available, and make it as complex and circuitous as I liked... and then did that all the time.

 

[The exile]

Early 1990s, pre-central door locking, I was on an evening departure from St Pancras, first stop Wellingborough. As the train started, so a man ran up and scrambled in. Once he had caught his breath, only then did he check the service. "Is this the Welwyn Garden City train?". Oops, wrong station. I hope he got back to Welwyn OK.

He should have checked the station as well!

 

[Brightonboy]

Not me, but a number of others ...

Took the fast train from Victoria to Brighton. A lengthy 12 cars, and many could be seen walking down to the front at Victoria, beach bags in hand, to be first off on arrival. Set off, ran normally to Three Bridges, where a signal stop preceded an announcement that there was a blockage ahead and we were to be diverted. So turn off for Horsham, and eventually ran right through to Littlehampton, where we reversed in the station.

Back along the coast towards Brighton, during which time many of the keen lot initially at the front, now at the back, made a clumsy way through all 12 cars, bumping all with their beach bags, falling over legs and luggage as they went. Through Hove, destination in sight, but then turned left up the spur to Preston Park, stopping there to reverse again into the main Brighton platforms. Whereupon they were all at the back again.

Did we laugh ...

That almost gave me a Doh moment of its own as I momentarily wondered why the routing via Preston Park. And then I remembered that the West Coastway route can only access P1, P2 & P3 at Brighton; of which only P2 might be able to take a 12 coach train - 1 certainly can't and 3 can only take 12 from the London lines. Having grown up in Brighton I shouldn't even have had to think about it.....

 

[Dave61]

Missed a few trains over the years. Timekeeping is not my forte. One journey, where I missed the train by seconds, was met with a "I thought you'd know better being a rail worker", by station staff.

Not a timekeeping issue for me but many years back we had other family wanting to stay over and so for a week I went and stayed with my GF in Darley Dale. In those days I worked in Loughborough at the Brush site so had the plan to catch the train from Matlock to Derby, change there and get of for the short walk to the works.
Day 1 on Monday the departures in Derby said platform 5. I could find platform 4 and 6 next to it but no 5! After finally asking someone it became apparent that it was an short terminus platform on the end and set of walking - just in time to see the train pulling away !

It was a fun week on BR including having a single coach with a shunter at each end for the Derby - Matlock train one evening, my Matlock train being delayed and waiting for an hour on Derby for the next IC train, a diversion via Nottigham coming back on a DMU that bounced up and down at certain speeds. And that was just for 5 days.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 10 Apr 2026 ==

Early 1990s, pre-central door locking, I was on an evening departure from St Pancras, first stop Wellingborough. As the train started, so a man ran up and scrambled in. Once he had caught his breath, only then did he check the service. "Is this the Welwyn Garden City train?". Oops, wrong station. I hope he got back to Welwyn OK.

I guess that is why they started closing the barriers a few moments before departure. I could even be down to me rushing to get an unexpected earlier train almost reaching for the door as the driver revved up his HST , a freindly worker calmly stopped me trying to hold an 125 train back in the station via the door handle.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 10 Apr 2026 ==

I did that, but the ticket collector put me straight, telling me that I could use the same ticket for my onward journey and giving it back.

Whereupon I realised that having once got onto the Underground system, with a 10p ticket, I wouldn't need the ticket again until I came out of the system, and so didn't have to follow the 10p route. Instead I could take any route I pleased, limited only by the time available, and make it as complex and circuitous as I liked... and then did that all the time.

Did you go right around the circle line?

 

[The exile]

Early 1990s, pre-central door locking, I was on an evening departure from St Pancras, first stop Wellingborough. As the train started, so a man ran up and scrambled in. Once he had caught his breath, only then did he check the service. "Is this the Welwyn Garden City train?". Oops, wrong station. I hope he got back to Welwyn OK.

Not only the wrong train, but the wrong station as well!

 

[Pigeon]

Did you go right around the circle line?

No, the time available was never sufficient for that trip plus the necessary extra bits.