Trivia: Unusual or Amusing Messages to Passengers

[Jimini]

This thread will inevitably be amalgamated into this one!

 

[RailwayRookie]

This thread will inevitably be amalgamated into this one!

I am shocked this thread has been up more than 24 hours without the grumpy old git parade stepping in.

 

[Ze Random One]

My favourite was from a very delayed late northbound Lumo off King's Cross. Some silly bugger had climbed a gantry in Cambridgeshire and we were therefore reversed back to the nearest station to wait with the doors open while BTP did their thing.

Obviously passengers were worried that we'd go back ro King's Cross and not be able to get north.

Driver comes on the PA, "I don't know how long this will take, but we're going to Newcastle. I have a pint waiting for me there and I intend to drink it"

 

[Vexed]

1) Many years ago a colleague used to work in Peterborough ‘box, commuting up from Huntingdon. On Friday night turns he was responsible for collecting fish and chips for his colleagues from a chippy between station and ‘box on his journey in. The order was conveyed to him on the train in by the relevant late turn signaller making an announcement via the Cab Secure Radio. Must have been quite a surprise to the other passengers (and the driver!) to hear “this is a special announcement, 3 times cod and chips, 1 jumbo saveloy and chips, 2 steak pies and a pickled egg”

Kept the signallers familiar with doing CSR on board announcements I suppose

 

[trainswitheddy]

I remember seeing something about a train being cancelled "Due To A Shortage Of Train"
Imagine crew was left out...but

 

[Kite159]

On a number of occasions, I have seen 158/159s on turnaround at Waterloo with the PIS on the front displaying "Malden Manor". I don't sign 158/159s so don't know whether it's a quirk of the system or whether it's just a guard having some fun, but I've always found it amusing.

Most likely a case of either the driver or guard inputting the wrong 3 digit code into the display equipment and hitting accept without double checking. There are all sorts of random destinations in that database, even Corfe Castle.

 

[Segedunum]

When doing my usual station security checks one afternoon a few years ago, I picked up the emergency PA to test it and decided (it being a Friday) to do an announcement along the lines of "passengers are reminded that alcohol is not permitted to be consumed on our trains and stations, as tempting as it may be on a Friday" and then had a lager lout, with a bottle of opened cheap strong cider, come storming up to me with a load of expletives asking who I thought I was

At least she was heading for the exit...

 

[DerekC]

I think I have told this one on a similar thread before, but never mind...

On a Portsmouth Line train, 10 minutes or so after departing Waterloo - anxious sounding conductor on the PA "If there is a doctor or a nurse on the train could they please come to the fourth carriage from the front". A couple of minutes later, conductor sounding even more anxious "Just to repeat, if there is a doctor or a nurse on the train, please come to the fourth carriage from the front ..... but what we really need is a midwife". Happily, paramedics with a trolley were on the platform as we rolled into Woking. I am not sure that delivering babies is in a conductor's job description!

 

[stadler]

How about this weird one that used to sometimes randomly play at Southern stations back in 2018 towards the end of the Amey system.

"Royston, Royston, Royston, Skipton, Rotterdam CS, Welham Green, Try To Remain Calm, Shepreth, Royston, Royston, Royston."

I never worked out what was causing this but it was probably an audio test message that was just getting accidentally activated. I heard it many times. It just randomly played while you were waiting on the platform. I remember passengers laughing and being so confused every time it played.

 

[saismee]

I never worked out what was causing this but it was probably an audio test message that was just getting accidentally activated. I heard it many times. It just randomly played while you were waiting on the platform. I remember passengers laughing and being so confused every time it played.

I'm just wondering why it repeats Royston so many times...

I remember seeing something about a train being cancelled "Due To A Shortage Of Train"
Imagine crew was left out...but

Was it XC?

 

[TUC]

On Brexit vote evening, a guard on a train I was on said 'if you're still not sure how to vote, take a look at your tummy button and see if you're an innie or an outie'.

 

[Western 52]

A guard on a GWR train approaching Swansea from Carmarthen announced that the train would be coupling up to another set on arrival. He said to remain seated until the two trains snuggled up to one another. Cosy class 800s!

 

[Taunton]

The old Solari boards at London termini like Waterloo used to have the ability, on the last two lines of a column, to display delay etc reasons "Delayed Due To, Cancelled Due To" on one line and then the reason on the next, eg "Flooding".

When a column needed to be completely recycled back to the start, all flaps would work through, and this substantial range of excuses would be flicked through - "Vandalism, Staff Shortage, Train Fault, Bad Weather, Flooding, Engineering works ..." and so on. It normally raised a communal laugh from those waiting for information. Apparently seeing this happen one day was what inspired the scriptwriter of 'Reginald Perrin' with the different train delay excuses in each week's programme.

 

[alxndr]

Not exactly for passengers, but a fault was found with a level crossing whereby instead of the intended “warning: another train is approaching” audible message it began speaking in mandarin. It was traced to a faulty chip on the circuit disagreeing with the cold, but disappointingly I don’t think they ever got the message translated to see what it actually said.

 

[Jim Jehosofat]

At London Charing Cross, sometime in the 80s. "Join the front four coaches only, the part of the train with the lights on."

 

[Steddenm]

Brilliant one at Sunderland earlier on:

Just after the automated system had announced a Tyne & Wear Metro service to Newcastle Airport, that doesn't announce all stops, a voice comes over "Well, please ignore that, the Metro does indeed call at all stops to the Airport. It isn't an express!"

 

[pitdiver]

Not an announcement but a message on a white board. " Date : 1st April Due to the quality of electricity being supplied today Metropolitan Line trains are running with delays"

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Many years ago on a Euston bound Virgin service as we approached Wigan.
"The next stop is Wigan North Western, please ensure you take all your personal belongings and pies with you when you leave the train."

 

[swt_passenger]

Heard at Weymouth a few years back:- "Please stand back from the platform edge, the next train is not stopping here." (ECS actually)

Default announcement for any class 5 service? I remember it being used regularly at Southampton central for XC ECS coming from sidings to start northbound from platform 1. I thought they had a better announcement that could be used, along the lines of ‘please stand back etc, the next train is not in public service’. Then when the doors open the guard ends up having to encourage now hesitant passengers to use them…

 

[frankmoh]

Just heard at Waterloo:
"This service [the xx:xx to Strawberry Hill] will not be calling at Vauxhall [et al] due to passengers on a previous train causing a disturbance."

 

[Bald Rick]

Just heard at Waterloo:
"This service [the xx:xx to Strawberry Hill] will not be calling at Vauxhall [et al] due to passengers on a previous train causing a disturbance."

Thats a standard announcment, happens regularly.

If it was announced as “I have sensed passengers on a previous service causing a disturbance in The Force”, then get worried.

 

[Birkonian]

The Train Manager on TPE approaching Stalybridge announced "The next stop is Stalyvegas."

 

[Travelmonkey]

There is one guard in the North East I took his service up to Thornaby he was making illiterative jokes at each station call, "we are now approaching sunny Sunderland" also "heroic hartlepool" can't remember the rest but it was definitely good to see the lad enjoying his work.

 

[Black Watch]

In the days of cascaded slam door stock on the Skipton/Bradford Forster Square-Leeds lines, the guard did the on-board announcements. Not automated, as they are now. One guard was prone to announcing: "Bingley is the next stop. Lovely little place, is Bingley." Always raised smiles from otherwise bored and weary commuters.

 

[trainophile]

In the days of cascaded slam door stock on the Skipton/Bradford Forster Square-Leeds lines, the guard did the on-board announcements. Not automated, as they are now. One guard was prone to announcing: "Bingley is the next stop. Lovely little place, is Bingley." Always raised smiles from otherwise bored and weary commuters.

He probably lived there!

 

[delayedby7mins]

Years ago on the Circle Line I heard the driver announce "This is a Circle Line train and the next station is Edgware Road, after which we'll continue to go round and round and round..."

 

[Nimbus020]

On a number of occasions, I have seen 158/159s on turnaround at Waterloo with the PIS on the front displaying "Malden Manor". I don't sign 158/159s so don't know whether it's a quirk of the system or whether it's just a guard having some fun, but I've always found it amusing.

Hey - don’t mock Malden Manor! - fab place

 

[Sad Sprinter]

"Thank you for travelling on the Jubilee Line - the best line."

 

[Tester]

Two examples

1) Many years ago a colleague used to work in Peterborough ‘box, commuting up from Huntingdon. On Friday night turns he was responsible for collecting fish and chips for his colleagues from a chippy between station and ‘box on his journey in. The order was conveyed to him on the train in by the relevant late turn signaller making an announcement via the Cab Secure Radio. Must have been quite a surprise to the other passengers (and the driver!) to hear “this is a special announcement, 3 times cod and chips, 1 jumbo saveloy and chips, 2 steak pies and a pickled egg”

2) I’ve mentioned before a Thameslink driver who used to announce every OLE neutral section on approach, and say that “those in coaches x and y will hear a bang as the VCB opens and closes as we go through Graham Park” (for example).

I’m fairly confident I was the only person on board who understood any part of what he was talking about!

To be fair, that can be pretty alarming to the uninitiated - I've certainly watched people jump!

 

[3141]

One Sunday evening at Waterloo in the late 1960s, when all announcements were "live", a female voice stated "Here is an announcement to be made". I can't now remember the details, but she certainly found it difficult to organise the words she wanted to say. She sounded as if she was one of the cleaners. I don't know if she stepped in because the person who normally did the announcements had gone to the loo, or someone asked her "Would you like to have a go?" , or she herself had asked to try making an announcement. Passengers found it very amusing.