Correspondence received at the twenty-third minute past the twenty-third hour…

[Ashley Hill]

You are getting confused. Under Governance Principle 143(a), rules created by the Secret Society of Northern Chippies and Fish Fryers only apply north of Watford Gap. However I won't appeal to the Umpire on this occasion as it's nearly time for a glass of wine. A short rest at Croxley Green seems in order whilst we wait for the Rail Replacement Service.

Your taking liberties with that move, wine o’clock it seems. I’ll play the Chequers move find a pub two minutes from the station and go to Emerson Park.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Applying Youngs Modulus it can only be Cyprus

 

[Purple Train]

Chandris's Rule is just out of Gallions Reach.

 

[Ashley Hill]

I take pride in using the Fullers rule and taking one to Chiswick Park.

 

[Puffing Devil]

I must confess to being thoroughly disheartened by the quality of play recently.

A well-played game ought to be like a good Test Match. It requires patience, foresight, and the skilful building of a strategic innings where each move is carefully considered and contributes to a greater plan. It's about wearing down an opponent with sound logic and impeccable form.

What we've witnessed in some recent moves, however, resembles nothing more than The Hundred. It's a flurry of cheap, superficial slogs with flimsy justifications—the strategic equivalent of cheap, polyester-clad players mimicking the real game with none of its substance or guile.

It's time to put a stop to this nonsense and remind ourselves of the proper laws of the game. To do that, we must go to the very source, the guardians of the code. We are returning to the MCC.

The move is Marylebone.

 

[Leight]

Consulting the Monopoly Board, I roll a 10 and purchase Fenchurch Street for £200.

 

[DerekC]

Oh dear, oh dear. Two main line termini in a row always spells trouble. I will attempt to get us back into a stable orbit by jettisoning the rest of the bottle of wine and re-entering normal space via Perivale.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

No that is prohibited by rule 5b as amended in 2019 following the mispronouncing of thecwird salamander on the second Tuesday in Octember. You are clearly in Nidd as I play the correct and formal Oakleigh Park

 

[Purple Train]

The introduction of a thecwird signifies danger. I hope to avert it with Monument, but oh dear.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

You moved too late my misspelling when trying to mention a misspelling has opened up a rift in the guide to permitted routes, only members of the tufty club could save us now, fortunately I still have my badge so Chancery Lane and send myself to Nidd

 

[DerekC]

Looks like that's two of us in Nidd - would you like to join my escape attempt? A 1 metre diameter tunnel 273km long on bearing 173 absolute will bring us out at Little Chalfont. I leave you to dispose of the 218,369 cubic metres of waste.

 

[Purple Train]

A translaterally dehydrogenational superparallelographical en passant move takes us to Upminster Bridge.

 

[DerekC]

That's an extremely risky move. Dehydrogenational it may be, but it increased local entropy by a factor of 10^27 in less than a femtosecond. Let's unscramble thus very carefully. Now, if we back up a little, minimise current to the tokamak and put new antifreeze in the radiator we may just hobble along to Elm Park without going critical.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Just been digging a very large hole in which to hide 218,369 cubic metres of waste, in then disposing of 218,369 cubicle metres of soil, plus a shovel, I have ended up at Upminster Bridge

 

[Purple Train]

Not again. Hang on - I have a solution. Off to the zoo we go...

Oh, and we appear to be outside the groundhog enclosure. Elm Park.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

If dodecahedrons are interspersed in a standard transnational sidestep then the unsuperceded rule 15 of the 2011 post prandial reissue of the rule book comes into play allowing Star Lane

 

[Trackman]

According to Richard Seymour's 1721 revision of Charles Rodney Smith's book 'The Complete Official Morning Crescent unabridged rules' (Unrescinded as of 10/08/2025) I can move to Bond Street as there is a Bond film on ITV1 at the moment and the Barometric pressure in London is over 1,000 millibars.

 

[DerekC]

Hmm - since that edition was not authorised by the Council of Plaistow, convened in 1789 precisely in order to root out deviations from the True Path, I must register a formal challenge, to be discharged in the usual manner at a place of my choosing. Gallions Reach should be convenient for the loser to board the convict ship to the Isle of Nidd*.

* - NB - in the wastes of the Eternal Ocean (not Yorkshire)

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Members of the council of Plaistow were all declared persona non gelato at the conference of South Mimms in 1813, consequently in order to get back from the false true path I must play Crouch Hill

 

[Ashley Hill]

Believe me, I’ve tried to resist the urge. But under the Ampersand rule (used earlier, but this time in the 1987 shenanigans malarkey) I’ve no choice but to play Heathrow Terminals 2 & 3. It hurts!

 

[DerekC]

Oh dear. That may have made you feel better, but now what do we do? Calculators are banned at this stage of the proceedings, but fortunately I still possess my trusty slide rule and I can still recall Newton's Law of Procrastination (that's Fred Newton, not the less well known Isaac of the same name). In simple terms that requires us not to do anything for a very long time and then appoint a Royal Commission to investigate possibilities. A move to Denmark Hill may relieve boredom whilst we wait, and we might get a glimpse of the fireworks, too.

 

[Purple Train]

Clapham Common

 

[OhNoAPacer]

As per a compulsory voluntary move Queen's Park

 

[Trackman]

Not falling for that pin on Euston for MC, hence to Canada Water

 

[DerekC]

This is getting tense and I am becoming disoriented. The tea leaves were no good at all, the map has a large hole in it in exactly the wrong place and in the Great Book of Digestives, which is always my last resort in case of trouble, the relevant page is missing. So our fate will depend on chance alone ............. Pinner.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

As it is the first second Monday of the month it can only be Knightsbridge

 

[Ashley Hill]

Ebenezer Goode said that E’s are good. I can’t disagree so will go to Eastcote.

 

[DerekC]

After an intensive search, the tomes dog sniffed out my copy of The Venerable Bill's "The Decline and Fall of Pretty Much Everything", written in 403CE after the departure of the legions. It was hiding behind the water tank in the airing cupboard. Appendix 4 page 732 is very useful in this situation and I commend it to all. The way forward is clear, but the path is steep and narrow and the darkness beneath absolute. Let's start with something small and not too challenging ..... St Pancras International.

 

[Purple Train]

The doors are closing... Rickmansworth.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Athelstan's decree points me towards Elverson Road