Correspondence received at the twenty-third minute past the twenty-third hour…

[Ashley Hill]

Ah, the Guinness challenge. Park Royal it is (or was).

 

[Purple Train]

A nice old Traditional Gambit (Beodug's Rulebook, 924) to Heathrow Terminal 5.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Accepting your gambit I employ Gudenuff's defence Shadwell

 

[Ashley Hill]

Using the 1974 edition of the Top of the Pops annual as a guide I think I shall play Judge Dredd Big 9 and go to a zone of the same number, Amersham.

 

[Harpo]

We’ve arrived at that regular pub quiz question: ‘Which 1970s radio 1 DJ, didn’t go to jail?’
Seven Sisters

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Using the footnotes from the L pages of the 1974 telephone directory for Dumbartonshire and cross referencing with the 1982 Oor Wullie Annual, making allowances for any The Broons crossovers I arrive at Debden

 

[Purple Train]

No play for 21 hours and 37 minutes? Impossible. The only possible move at this juncture is using the Chance card sideways - Northwick Park.

 

[Ashley Hill]

I shall counteract that using Hollies rule (as she’s sat purring beside me) and play Hatton Cross!

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Cross, livid more like. Moving diagonally sideways I climb down and applying a subjunctive diaspora play Cluny - La Sorbonne and no I have no idea how that happened either but it is an allowed move under Detente Rules.

 

[Purple Train]

Under Brexit immigration protocols, you shall have to be held in Nidd for no obviously apparent reason, while some guy with a French name and a few lapdogs make revolutionary noises in your vicinity until they elect you a desirable. To escape this nasty state of affairs, I am going to go to Westminster.

 

[Trackman]

Using the 1974 edition of the Top of the Pops annual as a guide I think I shall play Judge Dredd Big 9 and go to a zone of the same number, Amersham.

I was unaware of Annuals as a point of reference was allowed, so I have consulted my 1973 HOW Annual.

Using the Hargreaves local rule, and that Ashley Hill played Judge Dread Big 9, I can use my Cactus records wildcard to Chesham

 

[DerekC]

Reversing on a single track during the working week will invalidate our insurance (see policy notes page 145 clause 14.2), so we had best wait until Sunday for a substitute bus to Southbury.

 

[Ashley Hill]

In the Arthur Negus Big Book of Antiques there is a reference to a rare tome. It is kept in a locked wicker basket in the Melvil Dewey book museum and only exhibited at 12.34 and 56 secs on the 29 of February when the curator remembers to go up into the loft to get it. The tome is none other than Sir Francis Drakes personal copy of the game rules. It is the only copy to contain the rule that if Southbury is played on a Thursday it must be followed by a station starting with an X.
I’ve never been one for petty rules so:-
Stepney Green

 

[DerekC]

After that there can be no doubt - we have triggered the ancient mechanism, the slab has groaned back and the space hidden these ten thousand years is yawning - we are being drawn irresistibly into the void underneath the gents toilets at East Ham.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

According to an ancient method taught to me by a wise and learned sage it is now possible to reverse cross and ricochet to Hanger Lane

 

[DerekC]

Not at Hanger Lane you can't. The practice was banned under 16(9) of the Frivolous and Accidental Legislation Act (1896). A slight adjustment to the targeting algorithm is all that is needed however, so you needn't worry. We can go to Elephant and Castle (Bakerloo Line) instead.

 

[Puffing Devil]

I must say, the recent standard of play has become as unpredictable and chaotic as the Hanger Lane Gyratory System itself. This latest "reverse cross and ricochet" manoeuvre is a prime example of the kind of tactical wildness that has plagued the game in recent years. It brings to mind a very specific, and indeed rather traumatic, memory for those of us who have followed the game since its inception.

I was fortunate enough to be in the audience at Broadcasting House for the recording of the now-infamous 1988 Christmas special of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. This was the game, you may recall, where the chairman invited a promising young newcomer by the name of Stephen Fry to take a seat on the panel. With the game poised beautifully at Tooting Bec, the chairman turned to Mr. Fry for his opening move. The lad, with a confidence bordering on naivety, simply declared "M********* C*******." A stunned silence fell over the theatre, broken only by the sound of Barry Cryer dropping his pencil. The panel was, of course, magnanimous in the face of this catastrophic blunder, but it was clear to all serious students of the game that something had to be done to prevent such a calamitous shortcut from ever happening again.

The Garden Variations (Fry Amendment)

This very incident led to one of the most significant revisions of the modern ruleset. I refer, naturally, to Graeme Garden’s seminal work, "The Garden Variations: A Comprehensive Treatise on Strategic London Topography". In the 1990 second edition, he added what is now known as the Fry Amendment to the Broadcasting House Accords.

Quoting from Chapter 4, subsection 2, paragraph 3:

Following any move deemed by the board to be of a 'Gyratory' or 'Ricochet' nature (i.e., one of chaotic or unpredictable trajectory), it is henceforth mandated that the subsequent player must, to restore order and scholastic rigour to the game, make an immediate move to a station of Judicial Calm. This is to be defined as any station falling within the 'Inns of Court Codicil' or serving a major national museum or library. This action negates the chaotic energy and prevents a premature and unseemly dash for the Crescent.

Given that the move to Hanger Lane was explicitly a "ricochet," then gyratory to Elephant and Castle, the Fry Amendment is unequivocally invoked. We are left with no choice but to restore order through a move of profound and studious calm.

Therefore, we must proceed directly to Holborn

 

[Harpo]

With the rare reverse rebound deemed illegal by the imminent arrival of the second Friday in a month without a ‘Q’ in it, Old Street.

 

[Ashley Hill]

I`m sorry, i`m just going to have to come straight out with it. I cannot contain the emotion any longer! South Kenton.

 

[Puffing Devil]

One observes a fascinating, if problematic, divergence in strategic paradigms in the last two moves. It is a classic dialectic that deserves closer examination.
On the one hand, we have a move to Bank, predicated on a rigorous, almost Talmudic, interpretation of precedent—a fine example of the Neo-Scholastic school. Its justification is dense, certainly, but it attempts to ground itself in established, if obscure, lore. This is countered by a move to South Kenton, which represents the opposing Intuitionist school—a play driven entirely by strategic sentiment, forgoing all textual justification in favour of raw, emotional impetus.
The simultaneous appearance of these diametrically opposed philosophies creates an untenable tension on the board. The former leads to sterile pedantry; the latter, to anarchic whimsy. Ergo, a synthesis is required. We must find a locus that bridges the worlds of empirical commerce and artistic intuition. The clear geographical and philosophical midpoint between the City's financial heart and the cultural hub of the South Bank presents itself.
Hence, we must proceed to Southwark. A move which, I trust, satisfies both the head and the heart.

I do hope this clarifies the matter. Perhaps a remedial reading of Finch's primer is in order before any further moves are attempted.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Wren's second epistle overrides any use of Finch, however as it is later than the earlier subsequent time no penalty is accrued, but I do get a free throw in from the quarter way divergence which leads me to playing Northwood Hills

 

[Purple Train]

Osterley, for no obviously apparent reason.

 

[DerekC]

Ah! A pseudorandom move. Fortunately the beta version of the new AI-driven rulebook interpreter has just come on line and has shown up the sinister pattern behind it. Clearly an attempt to divert attention from a coup de jeu within the next two or three moves. The weak spot is page 472 where the bookworms have eaten clause 17(3) of the Master Copy! The danger is not past - let's take ourselves out of harms way. Oakwood should be far enough.

 

[Purple Train]

If you don't know the rules, make one up to suit. So I play a Great Hucklow Gambit with Leicester Square.

 

[Ashley Hill]

Let’s forget the rules and regulations and introduce some randomness. By pinning my underground map on a dartboard,closing my eyes and throwing a dart at it takes Mrs H to casually. I think we’d better go to Paddington.

 

[DerekC]

Judging by the scratch marks it looks as though you forgot to take a marmalade sandwich. If you are after proper bears Whipsnade is the place but we we will have to get a bus from Luton.

 

[Purple Train]

Too remote, go to Nidd, do not pass Go, do not collect 200 duck pancakes.

South Kensington.

 

[DerekC]

To be honest a trip to Nidd might be better than more duck pancakes! However I still have the "Get Out of Nidd Free" card issued to me in 1969, which I will now play. And that also allows me a one-off waiver of Rulebook clauses 1 -134 inclusive. So it's off to see the sights at Hatch End.

 

[Trackman]

Friday evening, northern chippy tea rules (reg 14.1, 1548) states I can go safely to Watford.

 

[DerekC]

You are getting confused. Under Governance Principle 143(a), rules created by the Secret Society of Northern Chippies and Fish Fryers only apply north of Watford Gap. However I won't appeal to the Umpire on this occasion as it's nearly time for a glass of wine. A short rest at Croxley Green seems in order whilst we wait for the Rail Replacement Service.