unprofessional onboard announcements

[Deepgreen]

I've been on a few LNWR trains out of Euston where there is a driver who does quizzes over the PA system, He gives you a question and time to think about it and then gives you the answer and another question at the next station.

In my opinion it brightens the mood of the train quite a lot , especially during packed peaktime trains , I wouldn't mind seeing this more on other trains .

I really hope it isn't the driver either being distracted, or giving the impression to the passengers of being so!

 

[Russel]

Some of the manual announcements during the Covidian era were quite annoying - bullying, patronising and sneering in some cases.

Agreed, there was one female LNWR guard on the Trent Valley that thought the PA was her own personal COVID soapbox radio station, we left Crewe and was half way to Stafford by the time she'd finished talking rubbish, rinse and repeat after every station, it was a late night service during Oct 2020, there was about 5 of us on the whole train.

It was actually making me rather annoyed and if I had access to the cab I think I would have happily cut the cable to the PA handset.

 

[sad1e]

I really hope it isn't the driver either being distracted, or giving the impression to the passengers of being so!

Looking back on it , it was probably the guard doing that. I think that only guards do Announcements on LNWR services as I don't think any of them are DOO

 

[trainophile]

The most worrying ones are "would the guard please contact the driver". Leads to all sorts of speculation.

 

[RailwayRookie]

The most worrying ones are "would the guard please contact the driver". Leads to all sorts of speculation.

"This is the signaller speaking, would anyone members of railways staff on board please make their way to the cab to assist the driver"

That'll out the willies up the punters.

 

[Krokodil]

I think the international languages phrasebook ICE train managers are given must include the use of the English greeting "Dear guests". Now that always feels like a very grand welcome. TGV train managers sometimes use a literal translation of the phrase "Chers voyageurs..." - "My dear travellers..."

"Dear passengers" is what I'm used to hearing when travelling, though I haven't been on an ICE since April so my memory may be a bit faded.

"This is the signaller speaking, would anyone members of railways staff on board please make their way to the cab to assist the driver"

That'll out the willies up the punters.

Particularly if the train is still moving

 

[TimSpencer]

I was on a Southern train this evening, from Victoria to Reigate.

At East Croydon, around 21:25, the onboard supervisor welcomed us onboard the "vomit comet".

Did he announce this just the once or at every stop on the way? If the former then it is surely a refreshing change and small mercies are to be very much welcomed.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 19 Jul 2025 ==

Heaven forbid people should break up the mundanity of their repetitive task or try to instill a little humour until peoples days, especially when conveying Non safety critical information.

I agree but re "Non safety critical info", I have yet to hear any safety critical info broadcast on any train PA.

 

[RailwayRookie]

I agree but re "Non safety critical info", I have yet to hear any safety critical info broadcast on any train PA.

Sorry safety critical wasn't the best description, i meant more along the lines of information thats important to convey for things out of the unexpected to passengers.

Like having to skip a scheduled stop, or tell passengers the next stop isnt planned so to not try and alight, toilets suddenly being unserviceable etc.

 

[Edsmith]

Not half as agitated as radio silence when you've been at a stand for ten minutes with no idea what's happening.

That's just as bad, people want information not silly jokes.

 

[urbophile]

There are in-jokes (either amongst fellow staff members, or shared with a certain subset of passengers) which would leave anyone else feeling uncomfortable. If in doubt, best missed out.
There is also the sort of 'humour' (President Trump for example) which consists of punching down and making fun of/ caricaturing others who are seen as inferior. There should be no question: avoid at all costs.
There is also the harmless sort of wordplay etc (St Pancake being a good example) which shouldn't offend anyone but nevertheless might confuse. So should be used if at all with great discretion.
On the other hand, there is or was a particular Merseyrail driver who had it right. 'Our altitude is approximately one metre above ground level and our cruising speed 10 mph.' and much more in that vein.

As a general rule, announcements should be brief, informative and to the point. Anything that might be embarrassing, offensive or confusing should be avoided.

 

[Krokodil]

That's just as bad, people want information not silly jokes.

Well my German friend would definitely disagree, as would I. In the absence of any news something to break the ice and lift spirits works wonders and builds camaraderie.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that one of the engines has conked out so we'll be going a little slower than usual. The good news is that we aren't in a plane at 35,000ft*"

*Obviously this wasn't a recent one, it would otherwise have been in quite poor taste in the aftermath of the Indian crash.

 

[NSE]

I think it’s all contextual, as people have said. Some personality and some humour can make all the difference, but it can easily get annoying. I have no issue with humour, but my personal hate is when people make unnecessarily long connections announcements. I have no problem with key interchanges, the next Seaford service from Lewes when I’m arriving on a service from London, or possibly the connections to the West Coast when we’re arriving into Brighton from the East, but listing off every single connection, many of which are over 30/40 minutes away, is just ridiculous. But some casual humour, respecting the general rules/taste filters is fine.

 

[Uncle Buck]

I think it’s all contextual, as people have said. Some personality and some humour can make all the difference, but it can easily get annoying. I have no issue with humour, but my personal hate is when people make unnecessarily long connections announcements. I have no problem with key interchanges, the next Seaford service from Lewes when I’m arriving on a service from London, or possibly the connections to the West Coast when we’re arriving into Brighton from the East, but listing off every single connection, many of which are over 30/40 minutes away, is just ridiculous. But some casual humour, respecting the general rules/taste filters is fine.

This is correct, but unfortunately standards are so low- or rather, too many people have been told that the existence of standards should be seen as an affront- that too many people cannot draw the line and cannot be professional.

 

[fwsmVor]

listing off every single connection, many of which are over 30/40 minutes away, is just ridiculous.

"Change here for other national rail services". Where else would they be??!

 

[NSE]

"Change here for other national rail services". Where else would they be??!

Exactly.

I travel from Eastbourne to London frequently and you don’t need to announce Thameslink changes at Haywards Heath, Gatwick and East Croydon.

 

[tfw756rider]

I think occasional jokes or light-heartedness from the guards over the announcements can be good, fun, and make the journey a bit more pleasant - so I'd normally welcome it. But if a guard is doing that, it does need to be the kind of remark that is likely to make passengers feel good about the journey. The remarks cited by the OP don't at all fall into category, so I think they probably shouldn't have been said.

Exactly - on one of the trains I was on the other day, the guard, as part of an announcement, said something like:

"Thank you to the quiet people in the quiet carriage for being nice and quiet, that's awesome.

if you do need to have a phone call or have a row with your neighbours over hedge cuttings, please can you go out into the vestibule, thank you."

That's fine. But the announcements mentioned in the original post were inappropriate.

 

[Krokodil]

"Change here for other national rail services". Where else would they be??!

"Alight here for connecting bus services to local destinations" is on ATW/TfW's 158 auto announcer at some stations.

Firstly: where and when do they go? No use telling me that there are buses that may as well be on a mystery tour.

Secondly: it's 2am! What buses?

 

[Ashley Hill]

"Alight here for connecting bus services to local destinations" is on ATW/TfW's 158 auto announcer at some stations.

Firstly: where and when do they go? No use telling me that there are buses that may as well be on a mystery tour.

Secondly: it's 2am! What buses?

One of my gripes. The auto announcer will happily tell you about bus connections but not rail connections. GWR is good at this.

 

[tfw756rider]

rI also can’t stand the humanisation of objects- “hello, I’m a general waste bin. Please don’t put food into me” or whatever. Wouldn’t “general waste only- no food items” suffice?

I'd go further and say that "general waste" (which I can't stand) should be replaced with rubbish.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 20 Jul 2025 ==

The most worrying ones are "would the guard please contact the driver". Leads to all sorts of speculation.

I heard the "phone ringing" over the speakers on a 197 the other day.

On the 196s and 197s (and hopefully some other new trains besides), when the driver calls the guard, one of two sounds (a two-tone chime or the aforementioned phone ringing) plays over the speakers.

I'm guessing the former means "come to my cab" and the latter is a phone call, but it seems a good way of allowing the not-so-subtle announcement you describe to be avoided.

 

[102 fan]

And there also some to whom standards and professionalism are an alien subject…

If it makes the railway seem more human and less like a machine, it's better.

I've seen passengers laughing at announcements like the OP has described. Nobody has ever raised a smile at standard announcements.

 

[DynamicSpirit]

I've seen passengers laughing at announcements like the OP has described. Nobody has ever raised a smile at standard announcements.

Sure, and that tells you that occasional humour is a good thing. If it's something that makes some people laugh but without having a negative impact on anyone, that's great and to be encouraged. But the particular joke cited by the OP would probably have made some people laugh and other people feel nauseated. That's not good.

 

[TUC]

Plenty of passengers enjoy hearing such comments. If anything, it helps them feel positive towards the staff member as an ordinary person with a sense of humour.

Who wants just formal announcements? If anything, that's an argument for automated announcements rather than staff.

 

[Krokodil]

I'd go further and say that "general waste" (which I can't stand) should be replaced with rubbish.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 20 Jul 2025 ==


I heard the "phone ringing" over the speakers on a 197 the other day.

On the 196s and 197s (and hopefully some other new trains besides), when the driver calls the guard, one of two sounds (a two-tone chime or the aforementioned phone ringing) plays over the speakers.

I'm guessing the former means "come to my cab" and the latter is a phone call, but it seems a good way of allowing the not-so-subtle announcement you describe to be avoided.

If you hear a phone ringing noise (you'd need to be within earshot of any cab to hear it) it's the guard calling the driver from any of the intermediate doors.

If you hear the chimes it's either member of the crew calling the other, and this could be from any handset, including the cab.

 

[TUC]

I was on a train late on the day of the Brexit vote when the guard announced 'if you're still unsure how to vote, take a look at your tummy button. That will try you whether you're an innie or an outie'.

Did passengers mind? Of course not. It made people smile. Do some people really want to take fun like this away?

 

[kristiang85]

I'm happy with things like that. I use the same terminology actually - i always tell my wife to hurry up when getting out of London late so we don't get stuck on the vomit comet last train

I'm not sure what harm it's doing in this increasingly homogenous and boring corporate world.

 

[Gemz91]

Used to enjoy the ‘funny’ announcements when I didn’t use the trains as much. Now I commute on them everyday, with the same guards every couple of weeks making the same joke every journey they’re on, gets a bit tedious. I won’t say my most annoying ones incase they post on here.

Back in the day, it used to seem to be the characters that made the funny announcement. Now it just seems people desperate to want to go viral on social media.

Or maybe I’m just getting old and grumpy.

 

[Turtle]

Used to enjoy the ‘funny’ announcements when I didn’t use the trains as much. Now I commute on them everyday, with the same guards every couple of weeks making the same joke every journey they’re on, gets a bit tedious. I won’t say my most annoying ones incase they post on here.

Back in the day, it used to seem to be the characters that made the funny announcement. Now it just seems people desperate to want to go viral on social media.

Or maybe I’m just getting old and grumpy.

No. You're getting fed up with unprofessional announcements.

 

[Purple Train]

"Alight here for connecting bus services to local destinations" is on ATW/TfW's 158 auto announcer at some stations.

Firstly: where and when do they go? No use telling me that there are buses that may as well be on a mystery tour.

Secondly: it's 2am! What buses?

GWR announce rather more detailed bus connections. I remember being very impressed when the auto-announcer said "Change here for local bus services to Southmead, Cribbs Causeway, and Westbury-on-Trym"...

until I realised we were approaching Windsor & Eton Central.

---

I have very little experience of amusing announcements as I now live and commute in DOO-land. However, I can remember one occasion between Cambridge and Liverpool Street when the driver made an announcement telling us about a 20mph restriction through Broxbourne and reassuring us that the train wasn't going to be stopping there, in case anyone was confused. He then made an announcement for Tottenham Hale ("nearly there now, folks") and on arrival into Liverpool Street ("I hope you all enjoy whatever you're doing over the weekend... can I come?"), both of which were very amusing in their own, whimsical way. I certainly wouldn't get bored of that every day. In fact, I think the familiarity itself would become soothing after a while. But I accept that I am odd.

 

[jfollows]

GWR announce rather more detailed bus connections. I remember being very impressed when the auto-announcer said "Change here for local bus services to Southmead, Cribbs Causeway, and Westbury-on-Trym"...

until I realised we were approaching Windsor & Eton Central.

---

But that’s the point, isn’t it? If automatic announcements are like this, nobody will listen to them. Real people will get listened to.

 

[trainophile]

When coming into Birmingham New Street they usually announce that those wishing to change to a connection should use the B end of the platform. It would be so helpful if they would add "which is in front of/behind you on arrival". As it stands it's a pretty unhelpful announcement, unless you are lucky enough to pull up right next to a sign indicating whether you're at the A or the B end.