It was probably too late to establish good relations with Russia in the 21st century by which time Putin was in power, though Germany in particular was trying to. It didn't stop Putin's aggression in Georgia, Crimea, Ukraine and elsewhere.
Historically I’ve certainly been willing to ask the question, i.e. has the West
really done all it could to establish good relations with Putin’s Russia. I’m now convinced however that we were wise to be wary, as Putin was most likely never an honest actor, even putting aside the obvious examples of military aggression you’ve cited above.
Had Russia been allowed to join the EU for example, I strongly suspect Putin would have undermined and fractured it from within, with weakening NATO being his ultimate aim. We’d have more than Orban to worry about had this been allowed to happen, and Putin would most likely be in a stronger position geopolitically than he is now, assuming he was always going to invade Ukraine (which again I’m now convinced he was).
It’s an interesting discussion, but I don’t think the West needs to beat itself up over what it could have done differently in this regard; if anything a firmer approach is what was needed.