Annoying unnecessary on-train announcements - a rant!

[pendolino]

Do they ? How can we tell ?

Given that there are hundreds of thousands of people travelling on the railway every day, I'm confused as to why you think there wouldn't be people (less frequent travellers mostly) who like the reassurance that plenty of announcements can give them, when, to them, train travel can be quite baffling.

 

[HawkeyeTheNoo]

You are aware of the reason for that one though, yes?

I am yes!

 

[jon0844]

It'll generally be the Guard doing the announcements, unless you're in a DOO (Driver Only) area.

It's DOO around here. Always the driver!

 

[PR1Berske]

"Please take the time to find, read, study and understand the safety posters and remember to tell your conductor about anyone or anything which might be suspicious and remember to keep an eye on your personal belongings and for your continued safety and security every inch of your carriage is full of CCTV and recording equipment....And we're now at your final destination, all change, all change"

 

[pappleby]

i totally agree about all these unnecessary announcements, not just on trains, at Nottingham Midland 'she' never shuts up about smoking and luggage, it drives me barmy!!-surely the noise abbatment act should be enforced!

 

[iphone76]

I remember when the automated announcements were introduced on NXEA's 321s. On the approach to every station it said something like NXEA and Metro newspapers are working hard to keep your train clean. Take your papers with you, etc.

I must admit, they are now just about right. (Not sure if it will change in February next year).

 

[Via Bank]

Southern's, Merseyrail's and the former Alphaline's make complaints about SWT's "constant barrage" of announcements seem quite naive...

For those who don't live in SWT-land, almost all of their units use the voice of Celia Drummond, in this pattern on leaving the starting point and principal stations (e.g. Woking):

"Welcome aboard the South West Trains service to Basingstoke, calling at Brookwood, Farnborough, Fleet, Winchfield, Hook and Basingstoke." (gap for the Guard to announce his location) "Safety information is displayed in all coaches. Do try to keep all personal items with you. If you see anything suspicious, please tell a member of staff."

On the approach to a station, you'll have, for instance, "The next station is Woking. Change here for Guildford, Aldershot, Farnham, Alton and RailAir coach services to London Heathrow Airport." (If you're approaching a principal station on an intercity route, such as Basingstoke, she'll also remind you to take your personal items with you, and not to leave anything unattended on the station - she also does this when terminating.)

When the doors open, on mainline and intercity services they use, for example, "This is Brookwood." (pause) "This train is for Alton. The next station is Ash Vale."

On suburban services worked by 455s, you get, simply, "This is Hersham. (pause) This train is for London Waterloo." If it's a major interchange station, she will then go on to announce the calling points (e.g. "This train is for Shepperton. Calling at Raynes Park, New Malden, Berrylands (etc etc etc)")

The one slightly annoying thing about SWT's default system is the terminating announcement. On approach to the terminus, it lists interchanges and reminds you about belongings - fair enough. However, once the doors are open, it again announces that the train is "now at its final stop, London Waterloo. On behalf of the on-board staff, thank you for travelling with South West Trains, and we hope you have a pleasant onward journey." It sounds rather long-winded and impersonal, to say the least.

There are also on-demand announcements for smoking, litter, quiet coaches, feet on seats, call NRE about engineering work, etc. I think these are controlled by the Guard.

On the other hand, SWT's class 458 units use the voice of an unidentified male voice actor, "Juniper Man," who is excellent in that he's extremely clear and yet also sounds very excited about everything. On approach to a station, he will announce, simply, "we are now approaching--Frimley." No interchange announcements, or anything.

When the doors are unlocked, Juniper Man unleashes his trump card: "The door buttons are now activated. This is--Aldershot! This train is for--Ascot! The next station is--Ash Vale."

(The only reason I can think of for having "the door buttons are now activated" at the start of these announcements is that the Junipers replaced slamdoor stock, and it announces that so punters don't get confused, or panic that the door's not opening.)

Terminating announcements are far better on the 458s: on the approach, he simply says, for example, "We are now approaching--Reading--where this train terminates." On arrival, it's something like, "The door buttons are now activated. This is--London Waterloo--where this train terminates. Thank you for travelling with South West Trains!"

Quick, curt, friendly without sounding saccharine. He's brilliant. Shame he'll be replaced by Celia in all probability when the 458s get refurbished properly.

(Juniper Man also has an announcement for when the train is standing at the terminus prior to departure, listing all the stations - I haven't heard him do this in its entirety, though.)

 

[jon0844]

Any recordings of Juniper Man? Sounds amusing.

Perhaps the automated announcers should be updated so you could add celebrity voices, like changing voices on a TomTom!

Besides the Jubilee Line having multiple voices, do any other trains have this? It's quite a clever idea in that a different voice might get people to listen, as it could be a guard or driver with something important to say.

 

[BestWestern]

I remember when the automated announcements were introduced on NXEA's 321s. On the approach to every station it said something like NXEA and Metro newspapers are working hard to keep your train clean. Take your papers with you, etc.

I must admit, they are now just about right. (Not sure if it will change in February next year).

Now there's a jolly good laugh... 'Metro newspapers' are single-handedly responsible for half the bloody rubbish on the train in this country!

 

[TomJ93]

At Coventry station today the lady announced "Please do not board the next train at Platform 2" for a 66 that went non stop through.

Has anyone heard the Circle line announce Tower Hill? It sounds like it can't wait to get there! "This is a Circle Line train via TOWER HILL."

 

[SS4]

At Coventry station today the lady announced "Please do not board the next train at Platform 2" for a 66 that went non stop through.

Has anyone heard the Circle line announce Tower Hill? It sounds like it can't wait to get there! "This is a Circle Line train via TOWER HILL."

And the old classic "Please keep your feet off the seats"

 

[WestCoast]

And the old classic "Please keep your feet off the seats"

Or in Merseyrail's case "you will face a £100 fine (and be liable to possible prosecution) if you're are caught with your feet on the seats by an enforcement officer!". Auto-annoucements are made too.

 

[whhistle]

You must remember, people are either stupid or try and get round the rules when they are simply being difficult.

For example, why do they need to announce it’s a non smoking service and that smoking is not permitted in any part of train including toilets and vestibules? There can’t be a person in the country who doesn’t know the smoking ban came into force a couple of years ago, and as toilets and vestibules are part of the train then they’re saying the same thing twice!

Yes, however passengers may well say that "i'm not in the vestibule, I'm in the toilet."
While I do agree with you, smokers still seem to think they can have a fag without anyone noticing. Seriously, they rule your life that much that you can't wait until you get off? I feel sorry for you Mr Smoker.

Then there’s the bizarre obsession with insisting you keep your luggage with you at all times.

When stations stop getting Lost peoperty, these announcements will be obsolete. As stations and trains still find property which is left behind, it's good that we remind people to remember they are carrying luggage. Seriously, people need to be told how to live these days as they don't know.


Really, I do agree with you. But people want the government to protect them in one hand, but in the other they are calling nanny state.
If there is swearing or naked people on TV after 9pm, it is my responsibility to ensure my children aren't watching it, not the governments.
This is one example, there are so many more where actually it's OUR responsibility to watch out for the sdafety of our children, not the local authorities.

 

[Squaddie]

A feature in today's Independent echoes many of the sentiments expressed in this thread.

What fresh hell is this? A journey by train.

On a train coming back from Manchester recently I totted up the minutes the train manager [spent talking] on his public-address system. Thirty-five. He had a voice like Bob Hoskins imitating Bob Hoskins. Who knows – maybe it was Bob Hoskins. And the moment he knocked off for a gargle the person manning the onboard shop took over. "We are now open for the sale of tea, Fairtrade coffee, cappuccino, latte, macchiato, hot chocolate, wine, beers, lagers, cider, spirits, mineral water, juices..." What's wrong with just "drinks"?

Well worth a read. It nicely sums up much of what is wrong with Britain's railways.

 

[OxtedL]

A feature in today's Independent echoes many of the sentiments expressed in this thread.

What fresh hell is this? A journey by train.

Well this guy has been incredibly unlucky then if that's his only experience of train travel. Excuse me for being cynical (journalists :roll.

 

[Greenback]

Fir a start I don't know how the writer managed to take a real train from Reading to The Mumbles. The Mumbles train finished in 1960!

 

[BestWestern]

When stations stop getting Lost peoperty, these announcements will be obsolete. As stations and trains still find property which is left behind, it's good that we remind people to remember they are carrying luggage. Seriously, people need to be told how to live these days as they don't know.

The constant warnings about unattended luggage are actually among the more worthwhile and justified announcements, not so much to help people avoid losing things but more because of the security implications when bags are left behind. Keep in mind that every time a holdall mysteriously turns up at a major station there is a likelyhood of the authorities having to come out and deal with it, which costs money and wastes scant resources. So I can happily put up with that one, however aksing people to keep their things with them on board a train is daft all the time we still provide luggage racks!

 

[Greenback]

The constant warnings about unattended luggage are actually among the more worthwhile and justified announcements, not so much to help people avoid losing things but more because of the security implications when bags are left behind. Keep in mind that every time a holdall mysteriously turns up at a major station there is a likelyhood of the authorities having to come out and deal with it, which costs money and wastes scant resources. So I can happily put up with that one, however aksing people to keep their things with them on board a train is daft all the time we still provide luggage racks!

Agreed. I am sure the announcements are part of the reason that people put bags on seats (as well as not wanting anyone else to sit there and because of the poor luggage facilities on lots of trains of course).

What I would really like to see is shorter, cleare and better written announcements, rather than the endless waffle that is often provided.

 

[Squaddie]

Well this guy has been incredibly unlucky then if that's his only experience of train travel. Excuse me for being cynical (journalists :roll.

Nowhere does he say that this is his only experience of train travel, but I think many of us know that the experiences described in this article are absolutely typical of rail travel in the UK today.

Why can't the platform be displayed more than five minutes before departure? Why does the catering manager have to read out the entire menu every time we leave a station? Why are so many toilets permanently out of action? And, above all, why does the train manager have to constantly bark instructions, advice, orders and warnings at us through the PA system?

 

[OxtedL]

Nowhere does he say that this is his only experience of train travel, but I think many of us know that the experiences described in this article are absolutely typical of rail travel in the UK today.

Why can't the platform be displayed more than five minutes before departure? Why does the catering manager have to read out the entire menu every time we leave a station? Why are so many toilets permanently out of action? And, above all, why does the train manager have to constantly bark instructions, advice, orders and warnings at us through the PA system?

I am willing to be open minded about this. However, it is fairly obvious that the journalist is simply stirring the s***. See what Greenback wrote for instance.

I will let you off on the things I've put in bold though, those are my pet hates too. I have never had a particular problem with announcements (being a fairly regular but infrequent traveller on services with "train managers") which probably tells you all that needs to said on this subject. Nor have I ever had a problem with staff attitudes.

You may feel differently, I am sure, and that's fine, there are big differences even within certain train journeys, so you've had completely different experiences. Just please be open minded about this.

 

[43021HST]

(Juniper Man also has an announcement for when the train is standing at the terminus prior to departure, listing all the stations - I haven't heard him do this in its entirety, though.)

Juniper man certainly is a treat to listen to I always thought that he was piping up his voice like as though someone was about to interupt him.

 

[jon0844]

I can see why they read out the menu as a) they are trying to make money and b) a lot of people may not think to go until they hear something mentioned that they like or fancy.

It might be annoying but it is a commercial business. But if it keeps the buffet or trolley going then so be it.

Sent from my MB860 using Tapatalk

 

[Squaddie]

I will let you off on the things I've put in bold

You will let me off having an opinion that may differ from yours? Thank you sir.

 

[EM2]

Why can't the platform be displayed more than five minutes before departure?

I can't say for other stations, but where I work we put platforms on the board about fifteen minutes before departure (sometimes a little later, but not much).
We have to have it confirmed by a dispatcher, that means that any coupling is complete, that the doors are open, that the service has been cleaned, and that all the info for the outbound service has been programmed into onboard CIS.

 

[Flamingo]

I can't say for other stations, but where I work we put platforms on the board about fifteen minutes before departure (sometimes a little later, but not much).
We have to have it confirmed by a dispatcher, that means that any coupling is complete, that the doors are open, that the service has been cleaned, and that all the info for the outbound service has been programmed into onboard CIS.

Don't give facts. He thinks it's done to annoy him.:roll:


In view of the wishes of certain posters on this thread (after all, the customer is always right), I shall now confine my announcements to a single one when we get to London -

"Right - We're here, so bugger off the lot of you!"

That means that not only will they not be annoyed by the distraction caused by the PA, but they can grumble about how rude the rail staff are. :roll:

 

[ainsworth74]

"Right - We're here, so bugger off the lot of you!"

I would love a guard to give that announcement at some point. Would be brilliant

 

[BestWestern]

I heard an amusing tale once of a Network SouthEast Guard who gave an annoucement on an evening commuter run leaving Waterloo along the lines of "...This is train is for (wherever), if any of you c**** want a drink the trolley's at the front..." Superb

 

[Flamingo]

I've told a train full of Swindon fans "We are now at Swindon, twin town of Disney-world, write your own punchline. When you are leaving the train, please make sure you take all yur friends with you..."

 

[WestCoast]

Juniper man certainly is a treat to listen to I always thought that he was piping up his voice like as though someone was about to interupt him.

I think the guy on the Class 333s up on Northern is a bit like him - very underrated; he's booming, direct and to the point.

"WELCOME to the Leeds train, the next station is Bingley" - nothing more than that really, apart from at the terminus.

 

[jon0844]

"Right - We're here, so bugger off the lot of you!"

Many people in London would consider that to be extremely polite!