ok just to clarified and you words really touch my soul .. I can’t I won’t lied not more .. so I feel like I am in this history and i cant get out of it … (like necessity of continuing with this moment with the guy ) and Is exactly opposite of what I am looking for …
I'm still finding it very difficult to understand what is going on, and it would be very helpful if you could just set out the facts clearly - as an example I don't understand any of the above but I'm pretty sure it doesn't add anything to the explanation.
Can you write it down clearly. Like this.
"I entered at Ladbroke Grove, where the barriers were open, but didn't tap any card." (or whatever happened).
And cut out all the irrelevant stuff please.