Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[duncanp]

Also, two colds a year, maximum. And all other commitments take precedence.

And we should also be able to say "..not now thank you..." to the cold virus, as it always seems to happen at the most inconvenient times.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

And we should also be able to say "..not now thank you..." to the cold virus, as it always seems to happen at the most inconvenient times.

"Please fill out this paperwork in triplicate and return it to me, following which I will make up a reason to deny your request to infect me."

 

[Brush 4]

Going back to the earlier doorbell irritants and this being a comedic thread, I would like a doorbell that was on possibly, one of the Police Squad episodes. A doorbell that makes the sound of a doorknob being knocked..... Funnier when you hear it.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Going back to the earlier doorbell irritants and this being a comedic thread, I would like a doorbell that was on possibly, one of the Police Squad episodes. A doorbell that makes the sound of a doorknob being knocked..... Funnier when you hear it.

"Who are you, and how did you get in here?"

"I'm a locksmith... and I'm a locksmith"

 

[yorksrob]

And those with very thin belt loops, as I prefer a thicker belt.

I agree with that one !

 

[al78]

People saying "you need to move out of your comfort zone".

It's comfortable, that's why I like it there.

That is referring to the general idea that people who never try new things or take risks will stagnate and never reap the rewards that personal growth can bring. The UK would never had a historical period of colonisation and amassed wealth if everyone had stayed in their comfort zone.

 

[Gloster]

That is referring to the general idea that people who never try new things or take risks will stagnate and never reap the rewards that personal growth can bring. The UK would never had a historical period of colonisation and amassed wealth if everyone had stayed in their comfort zone.

And a lot of countries might have been a lot happier...and so might we because we wouldn’t have delusions of greatness based on past ‘glories’.

 

[duncanp]

I would ban companies from making it difficult to contact them, and specifically ban them from not giving out a contact phone number on their website.

For one company I needed to contact today, the only means of contact (officially) was via a web page.

However it was possible to find the phone number via Google.

You would almost think that they were doing it deliberately, so as to avoid having to talk to their pesky and irritating customers.

 

[Acey]

I would ban companies from making it difficult to contact them, and specifically ban them from not giving out a contact phone number on their website.

For one company I needed to contact today, the only means of contact (officially) was via a web page.

However it was possible to find the phone number via Google.

You would almost think that they were doing it deliberately, so as to avoid having to talk to their pesky and irritating customers.

Quite,anyone else noticed that when you call a company for help/complaints etc no one seems to pick up the phone and you get those annoying messages that keep interrupting the really cool music ,advising you that due to covid/weather/Ukraine/ earthquakes etc that all their operators are busy,or that they are experiencing an abnormal number of calls but when you call the sales line ,the call is immediately answered ,almost telepathically !

 

[Bletchleyite]

Companies playing a recorded message saying when on hold along the lines of "did you know you can do X on our website"?

Yes, I did know, I'm phoning you because I CAN'T do what I want on your website. Don't insult my intelligence.

Along similar lines, replies to customer service emails/letters that make it very clear they haven't read it. This causes me to get the big guns ready and escalate the matter as high as I can. It's just disrespectful.

 

[Acey]

Call centres in general ,had to call my bank a few weeks ago and ended up after many button presses speaking to a charming lady in Bombay or Calcutta or somewhere ,she was as I said ,charming,friendly,helpful and eager to please,trouble was I couldn't understand her and she didn't understand my Sarf London accent in spite of trying enunciate as clear as possible ! I still don't know whether I have arranged to marry her or bought a cow ! I'm not opening my front door for as long as possible !

 

[Bletchleyite]

Call centres in general ,had to call my bank a few weeks ago and ended up after many button presses speaking to a charming lady in Bombay or Calcutta or somewhere ,she was as I said ,charming,friendly,helpful and eager to please,trouble was I couldn't understand her and she didn't understand my Sarf London accent in spite of trying enunciate as clear as possible ! I still don't know whether I have arranged to marry her or bought a cow ! I'm not opening my front door for as long as possible !

I really dislike "foreign" call centres. Not because I care about the nationality of who answers the call (and have you ever tried calling Direct Line and understanding their Glasgow call centre staff?), but because I find holding a conversation very, very difficult with a second or two satellite lag. If there's going to be lag I find online chat easier.

 

[duncanp]

Companies playing a recorded message saying when on hold along the lines of "did you know you can do X on our website"?

Yes, I did know, I'm phoning you because I CAN'T do what I want on your website. Don't insult my intelligence.

Along similar lines, replies to customer service emails/letters that make it very clear they haven't read it. This causes me to get the big guns ready and escalate the matter as high as I can. It's just disrespectful.

I sometimes feel like Victor Meldrew in these situations and want to shout "..I don't believe it..!!"

And don't get me started on "foreign" call centres, especially those in a country where the first language is not English.

 

[ABB125]

Can I ban Bristol Road Lido?

(Bear in mind the road here was "upgraded" less than a decade ago, so I'd have hoped they'd done the drainage properly...)

 

[yorksrob]

People signing off emails with "take care".

I find it unnerving.

 

[dakta]

Have to admit I'm bad at that, write a lot of short emails and found after a while 'regards' was just making me a zombie drone.

so it's take care, have a pleasant evening, weekend, etc - but take care gets used a lot especially if recipient is someone i know quite well

sometimes in email chains I make the ending more and more elaborate if the person is stiff as a board formal and clearly doesn't want to reciprocate

 

[duncanp]

Can I ban Bristol Road Lido?
View attachment 124258
(Bear in mind the road here was "upgraded" less than a decade ago, so I'd have hoped they'd done the drainage properly...)

...and Hagley Road Lido as well

 

[yorksrob]

Have to admit I'm bad at that, write a lot of short emails and found after a while 'regards' was just making me a zombie drone.

so it's take care, have a pleasant evening, weekend, etc - but take care gets used a lot especially if recipient is someone i know quite well

sometimes in email chains I make the ending more and more elaborate if the person is stiff as a board formal and clearly doesn't want to reciprocate

I just see it as a prelude to "something bad might happen.....".

I tend to use Best Wishes a lot.

 

[Lost property]

Companies playing a recorded message saying when on hold along the lines of "did you know you can do X on our website"?

Yes, I did know, I'm phoning you because I CAN'T do what I want on your website. Don't insult my intelligence.

Along similar lines, replies to customer service emails/letters that make it very clear they haven't read it. This causes me to get the big guns ready and escalate the matter as high as I can. It's just disrespectful.

This wouldn't, by any chance, be Centrica / BG would it ?....I ask because it sounds very similar to the number of calls I've had to make....and that's before you can actually get connected ! ...the most memorable one recently connected me to an advisor in ?..Capetown.

Now a South African accent can be a bit "harsh " at times, but, in this case, it was compounded by the poor sod having clearly audible sinusitis as well...I did feel sorry for him, but was further complicated by he being subject to BG's woeful IT !...for the poster on another thread about employment and IT, if you really want a challenge, offer to sort their systems out...and plan for an early retirement to recover from the stress involved.

 

[Techniquest]

I just see it as a prelude to "something bad might happen.....".

I tend to use Best Wishes a lot.

I see it as the person saying 'take care' wanting the receiver of the words to have a good day. If that makes sense. I often finish a conversation with a customer with something like 'have a great evening' and yesterday, due to the severe weather, it would often then be changed to 'have a safe evening' or 'safe travels' or similar. Today, as it's Friday, it'll usually be something like 'have a great weekend'.

Best Wishes, I would use normally only if I was speaking to someone who was having a tough time with illness or similar!

 

[Gloster]

I just end all my e-mails with my name and, on the line below, the word ‘ends’: all are in capitals. Abrupt it may be, but it is clear and nobody will get upset as to whether they are favoured or not: all are equal. When my partner was in Canada she got treated like that as well: any mentions of affection would be in the text, and she used a similar method to me. The only exception is if someone is more likely to deal with me as something else, such as a society membership number, which will go after my name. The use of ‘ends’ is partly a hangover from early e-mail days when part of the message could sometimes get lost: ‘ends’ shows it is complete.

 

[yorksrob]

I see it as the person saying 'take care' wanting the receiver of the words to have a good day. If that makes sense. I often finish a conversation with a customer with something like 'have a great evening' and yesterday, due to the severe weather, it would often then be changed to 'have a safe evening' or 'safe travels' or similar. Today, as it's Friday, it'll usually be something like 'have a great weekend'.

Best Wishes, I would use normally only if I was speaking to someone who was having a tough time with illness or similar!

Perhaps I'm just being paranoid

Perhaps "Best Wishes" is weird, however my manager uses it so I'm not fussed.

 

[bspahh]

For work emails, I would love to have a macro that would take a discussion thread and choose appropriate messages to start and finish the message, using an appropriate level of formality and chumminess, based on the recipient's background, their time zone, time of day and the seriousness of the message.

When I used to work in a big office, I would hate getting a leaving card to sign, after 20 people have already take the easy messages like "Best wishes for the future" and "All the best".

 

[Techniquest]

Perhaps I'm just being paranoid

Perhaps "Best Wishes" is weird, however my manager uses it so I'm not fussed.

Perhaps! I think the fact we all like using different greetings is a good thing!

 

[yorksrob]

Perhaps! I think the fact we all like using different greetings is a good thing!

Variety is the spice of life !

 

[dakta]

I suppose it's a notch above finishing the email by speaking your mind

 

[yorksrob]

Promoting something as a "beanburger" when it's all carrots and sweetcorn and neary a kidney bean in sight.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

Cashpoints that charge you for taking your own money out.

All forms of dawdling, dithering and lollygagging.

 

[Runningaround]

Surprised it's not mentioned. Train and bus spotting just for the number they sound and look the same and what's so interesting about a number?
Train and Bus spotters from coming up to strangers and telling you that they have the latest and must use app and start shoving it in your face to prove how clever they are for finding it.
Just because I'm at a Bus Stop or station with a coat, spectacles and occasionally a rucksack doesn't mean interested in what make the bus is or what class of train I'm on.
Perhaps fares should be charged from the time you enter and leave the area by using accessing your location on your must have App .

 

[py_megapixel]

Train and Bus spotters from coming up to strangers and telling you that they have the latest and must use app and start shoving it in your face to prove how clever they are for finding it.

I have literally never experienced this.