Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[gg1]

The trouble is they don't say '3 in 5' usually, rather '6 out of 10', which by Lowest Common Denominator 'rules' should be expressed by the former, or alternatively 60%. A case of a little learning being a dangerous thing.

They frequently do say the former though, seems to depend on the individual reporter's personal preference, a few examples using the phrase "3 out of 5 people" below - I'm sure I could find hundreds if I tried various fractions and choice of words:
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/en...ome-daily-smokers_uk_5a54d8abe4b01e1a4b19da20
https://news.microsoft.com/on-the-i...osofts-digital-crimes-unit-fights-cybercrime/
https://www.belfastlive.co.uk/news/health/your-waistline-creeping-up-you-17720228
https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/...ty-news/people-plan-move-back-cities-23394547
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/...s-over-10-million-people-tested-at-least-once

 

[Busaholic]

They frequently do say the former though, seems to depend on the individual reporter's personal preference, a few examples using the phrase "3 out of 5 people" below - I'm sure I could find hundreds if I tried various fractions and choice of words:
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/en...ome-daily-smokers_uk_5a54d8abe4b01e1a4b19da20
https://news.microsoft.com/on-the-i...osofts-digital-crimes-unit-fights-cybercrime/
https://www.belfastlive.co.uk/news/health/your-waistline-creeping-up-you-17720228
https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/...ty-news/people-plan-move-back-cities-23394547
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/...s-over-10-million-people-tested-at-least-once

I obviously listen to too much BBC news, on radio and television.

 

[tomuk]

Is that Shrewsbury, looking towards Wolverhampton?

Yes, Severn Bridge Jnc signal box is to the right and Abbey Foregate sidings are to the left. The Texas Homecare is now houses and Abbey Foregate sidings is currently home to two CAF WMR 196s

 

[yorksrob]

Effing sweetcorn again. I hate it.

 

[Techniquest]

I might have done this one during the last heatwave, but I'm so hacked off by it I'm doing it again.

People who insist on smoking under someone else's open windows. It's so beyond selfish I cannot put into polite words how hacked off I am. Every night this week this has happened, and it's not as if it's the only spot outside he can puff away. There's a huge garden out the back he can do it, but he's so lazy he walks 10' from his door and puffs outside the front door. Which my windows open out above

I'm really riled up, which sucks as I was hoping for a good bit of sleep before getting up early, as I want to use my day off to go for a cycle ride before the weather gets too hot and before the weather changes on Monday!

 

[Lucan]

Refering to putting or taking something as "popping". It is particularly bad on the car maintenance forums that I frequent, where the Americans in particular seem to love the term.

Examples are "Pop the cylinder head" or "Pop the headlining" meaning "remove" the cylinder head etc, which are actually jobs taking several hours and a good deal of expertise. I'm not necessarily expecting the writer to give the detailed instructions, depending on the context, but it is irritating that they make it sound like pulling the trigger of a potato gun.

 

[jfollows]

House burglar alarms. Do they ever work? Do they ever deter burglars? I've just had 30 minutes of a neighbour's alarm going off, I presume there are no burglars but I don't really care if there are. The sodding thing just disrupts the neighbourhood, especially in summer, and eventually turns off with a sigh. Plus the adverts for them which prey on peoples' fear and stupidity to rush out and buy one to "protect" their houses.

I suspect they're a valid "thing" for isolated houses in the middle of nowhere, but now the people who sell them are trying to infest suburbia with them.

I actually hope that one day my (not close) neighbour with the rogue alarm really does get burgled and they steal the sodding alarm as well as other stuff.

 

[ABB125]

Refering to putting or taking something as "popping". It is particularly bad on the car maintenance forums that I frequent, where the Americans in particular seem to love the term.

Examples are "Pop the cylinder head" or "Pop the headlining" meaning "remove" the cylinder head etc, which are actually jobs taking several hours and a good deal of expertise. I'm not necessarily expecting the writer to give the detailed instructions, depending on the context, but it is irritating that they make it sound like pulling the trigger of a potato gun.

"Pop the hood"* generally does work though, as it'll make a popping noise as you do so.

*Or, to convert from American into English, "the bonnet"

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 14 Aug 2022 ==

House burglar alarms. Do they ever work? Do they ever deter burglars? I've just had 30 minutes of a neighbour's alarm going off, I presume there are no burglars but I don't really care if there are. The sodding thing just disrupts the neighbourhood, especially in summer, and eventually turns off with a sigh. Plus the adverts for them which prey on peoples' fear and stupidity to rush out and buy one to "protect" their houses.

I suspect they're a valid "thing" for isolated houses in the middle of nowhere, but now the people who sell them are trying to infest suburbia with them.

I actually hope that one day my (not close) neighbour with the rogue alarm really does get burgled and they steal the sodding alarm as well as other stuff.

Only half an hour? Bliss!
I've had several days, several times...

 

[PeterY]

Effing sweetcorn again. I hate it.

Yes, sweet corn the most horrid food ever

 

[Acey]

Don't want to offend anyone but tattoos,the odd small one is ok but when the body is totally covered in a dark mess,yuk,also these studs that women wear on their noses/tongues and God knows where else !

 

[birchesgreen]

House burglar alarms. Do they ever work? Do they ever deter burglars? I've just had 30 minutes of a neighbour's alarm going off, I presume there are no burglars but I don't really care if there are. The sodding thing just disrupts the neighbourhood, especially in summer, and eventually turns off with a sigh. Plus the adverts for them which prey on peoples' fear and stupidity to rush out and buy one to "protect" their houses.

I came home last week and a neighbour's alarm was blaring. He was stood outside looking bemused. He actually asked me if i knew how to turn his alarm off!

 

[Busaholic]

Don't want to offend anyone but tattoos,the odd small one is ok but when the body is totally covered in a dark mess,yuk,also these studs that women wear on their noses/tongues and God knows where else !

I particularly dislike seeing police officers, Parking Attendants, etc displaying them. In the case of police officers it used to be the case that they couldn't have any that would ordinarily be visible to the public.

 

[43172]

House burglar alarms. Do they ever work? Do they ever deter burglars? I've just had 30 minutes of a neighbour's alarm going off, I presume there are no burglars but I don't really care if there are. The sodding thing just disrupts the neighbourhood, especially in summer, and eventually turns off with a sigh. Plus the adverts for them which prey on peoples' fear and stupidity to rush out and buy one to "protect" their houses.

I suspect they're a valid "thing" for isolated houses in the middle of nowhere, but now the people who sell them are trying to infest suburbia with them.

I actually hope that one day my (not close) neighbour with the rogue alarm really does get burgled and they steal the sodding alarm as well as other stuff.

Sounds similar to car alarms, one will go off for no reason but no one will check to see if it's there car or not.

I'd add whistling indoors to the long list of things i'd ban. It's not like you're trying to practice for "One Man and His Dog" if you're inside with no sign of a sheepdog or any sheep to herd, especially when you have earphones in at the same time.

 

[Gloster]

Something that has annoyed me for some years, but is a bit different this year: newsreaders or weather forecasters saying that ‘it has been the hottest day in London/the south-east/England/Britain so far this year’ at intervals throughout June, July and August. That is quite normal: it is called summer and isn’t news. It would be news if you could say that in November or December.

 

[Strat-tastic]

I'd add weather forecasters telling you tonight will be 'uncomfortable for sleeping'.
How is that remotely helpful or uplifting? You've had several poor nights already and the news to carry through the day that another is on the way is just cruelty!

 

[duncanp]

Yes, sweet corn the most horrid food ever

Sorry, but the most horrid food ever is broccoli and sprouts.

 

[nlogax]

Sorry, but the most horrid food ever is broccoli and sprouts.

Wrong, those are joyful foods. It's Marmite, beetroot, truffle oil and salad cream that all need to go the way of the dodo.

 

[yorksrob]

Sorry, but the most horrid food ever is broccoli and sprouts.

I adore all of the brassicas !

 

[PeterY]

Don't want to offend anyone but tattoos,the odd small one is ok but when the body is totally covered in a dark mess,yuk,also these studs that women wear on their noses/tongues and God knows where else !

I have the same feelings about tattoo's . One looks fine but when people are covered in them it's looks horrible. What are they going to look like, when person is old and wrinkly I would never dream of having any tattoos.

 

[D6130]

I adore all of the brassicas !

So do I....especially when drizzled with truffle oil!

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 14 Aug 2022 ==

I have the same feelings about tattoo's . One looks fine but when people are covered in them it's looks horrible. What are they going to look like, when person is old and wrinkly I would never dream of having any tattoos.

A few months ago, I was waiting for a bus in Hebden Bridge when I noticed a very attractive girl aged late twenties/early thirties and wearing a white cotton just above knee-length dress with what I assumed were very eye-catching multi-coloured tights covering her rather shapely legs. As it happened, she ended up sitting across the gangway from me on the bus and we struck up a conversation. After a few minutes I said to her that my wife would probably love to have a pair of tights like hers and asked her where she had bought them. She looked at me slightly askance for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. "These aren't tights" she said, "I've Got tattoos all over my legs!"

 

[Peter Mugridge]

I'd add weather forecasters telling you tonight will be 'uncomfortable for sleeping'.
How is that remotely helpful or uplifting? You've had several poor nights already and the news to carry through the day that another is on the way is just cruelty!

It's also very subjective - like most things, the perception will vary from incdividual to individual.

Some of us are getting better sleep at the moment with warm nights than we usually do...

 

[Strat-tastic]

One does get used to it.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Can we ban grumbling about foods you don't like? Sure, they're the ideal subject for a light-hearted moan precisely because it's so obviously subjective...

But once we've argued about sprouts for the seventeenth time it is no longer, in my opinion, "comedic".

 

[Brush 4]

I think the Met Office must have told the forecasters to say temperatures in double digits, instead of double figures. Some still say figures, because it comes naturally. I can only guess that it is because figure is also used to refer to the female form so, non PC or something equally daft. Many words have multiple meanings. Figure skating, figure of eight, figure it out. Double digits just conjures up an image of the 2 finger salute.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

TV programmes advertised as starting at 8.00 p.m. which have actually started at 7.58 p.m.

 

[150249]

TV programmes advertised as starting at 8.00 p.m. which have actually started at 7.58 p.m.

The other day, bbc sport were advertising a German cup football match as starting at 1912

 

[Peter Mugridge]

TV programmes advertised as starting at 8.00 p.m. which have actually started at 7.58 p.m.

That's a good one.

Also, the habit of some broadcasters of giving something a 65 minute slot when it's only a standard hour long ( usually a documentary ) series. That completely screws up any chance of playing around with the plus ones and other channels when trying to record several programs in close sucession. I'm convinced they do it deliberately for that exact reason of making it difficult to watch rival channels.

 

[Gloster]

The other day, bbc sport were advertising a German cup football match as starting at 1912

Better than letting the Germans start something at 1914.

 

[PeterY]

TV programmes advertised as starting at 8.00 p.m. which have actually started at 7.58 p.m.

And all commercial TV channels putting ads on at the same time.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

Anthony Taylor.