Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Gloster]

I buy Lurpak as I only use it for mashed potatoes and the occasional sauce. The pack in my fridge at the moment was bought around the beginning of September 2020.

 

[Runningaround]

Funny you say that as I think Lurpak Spreadable is really pretty good. It also keeps for literally months in the fridge while remaining spreadable, good for us low users.

The fat on full-fat milk is cream, not butter, though you can turn it into butter if you have enough of it.

I'm saying the taste is similar. Lurpak is in my taste the worst of all the imitation butters the more spreadable and lighter the worse. At least Clover and Utterly Butter try to make it look the correct colour

 

[DarloRich]

use of the work "holibobs" by adults.

 

[gg1]

I get that vegans might want a quality olive oil based spread (and there's nowt wrong with dipping bread in olive oil, it's the default in Italy), but to the rest of you - seriously?

That's my first choice, tastes better then either marge or spreadable butter IMO.

 

[Runningaround]

That's my first choice, tastes better then either marge or spreadable butter IMO.

I hate Olives and cannot taste anything in Olive Oil that's different to Oil in general. I just cook with it as it's supposed to better for you.
Real Welsh Butter doesn't need anything else on toast and with full cream milk is the best yet for sauces and mash potato.

 

[D821]

use of the work "holibobs" by adults.

And people who say 'likkle' intead of 'little' can be slapped into the sea, too.

 

[DarloRich]

And people who say 'likkle' intead of 'little' can be slapped into the sea, too.

seconded.

 

[nlogax]

use of the work "holibobs" by adults.

This, right here. The moment someone introduces 'holibobs' into a conversation I mentally time out.

 

[pitdiver]

Skimmed Milk should be banned. It can hardly be called milk. I vote for "Gold Top"

 

[yorksrob]

Skimmed Milk should be banned. It can hardly be called milk. I vote for "Gold Top"

Agree 100 percent. Yesterday's dish water would have more taste.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Skimmed Milk should be banned. It can hardly be called milk. I vote for "Gold Top"

Agreed. You might as well mix a bit of flour in water and use that.

 

[Ostrich]

Folk who park their supermarket trollies in front of my car as they offload their shopping into their boot, despite the fact I'm in the driving seat, engine running, waiting to move off .....
I used to grin and bear it, but nowadays I switch off, get out of the car, and ask them to shift their trolley out of the way. I usually get a blank stare from them before they do so.
Happened again this very morning!
I'm beginning to wonder if I should invest in that Bond Car, the one with the forward-facing machine guns .....

 

[61653 HTAFC]

I like cucumber in sandwiches, now sliced tomato can do one...

Sliced tomato is fine in a sandwich that is made in front of you, which you'll eat pretty much straight away.

In pre-packed sandwiches it just makes the bread go soggy

 

[birchesgreen]

I think pre-packed sandwiches should be added to the banned list, i've never had which wasn't pretty vile. Luckily i usually make my own...

 

[Gloster]

I had never heard the word holibobs before and had to look it up. It sounds like something out of Tolkien, which is another reason for me to dislike it.

I always use skimmed milk in both tea and coffee, and on my morning bowl of bran: I definitely prefer it. When I was a child we always had Gold Top at home, but I don’t think I could face that now.

 

[Peter Lanky]

Websites that send you back to the beginning of a long search, and reset the dates etc. just by clicking the back arrow, such as many rail booking engines, but particularly Avanti.
Websites that have 'All London Airports/Stations' as the default option.
Emails/websites that tell me how much I can 'save' instead of telling me what the actual price is.
Web forms that assume everybody has a mobile phone by making the field mandatory.

 

[gg1]

Websites that send you back to the beginning of a long search, and reset the dates etc. just by clicking the back arrow, such as many rail booking engines, but particularly Avanti.

Also websites which if you make the mistake of selecting the items you wish to purchase BEFORE logging in, proceed to empty your basket for you after logging in meaning you have to repeat the process.

Although I say websites, I can only think of one which has done it to me recently, namely Avanti. These days virtually all online retail website remember the contents of your basket after you log in.

 

[al78]

I think pre-packed sandwiches should be added to the banned list, i've never had which wasn't pretty vile. Luckily i usually make my own...

Pret do a very nice smoked salmon sandwich.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Pret do a very nice smoked salmon sandwich.

Pret isn't really packet sandwiches even though they're sold that way, they are made fresh daily. Not quite as fresh as e.g. Subway, but they haven't been out long enough to get soggy.

 

[Runningaround]

Mass produced processed White Bread and White Bread products. It's rubbish and causes so much bother to health it should have a warning on it.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Mass produced processed White Bread and White Bread products. It's rubbish and causes so much bother to health it should have a warning on it.

Chorleywood process white bread is not nice, I'd agree. However, it's eaten by so many people, of whom most don't have serious health issues, that I don't agree with your second point.

 

[nlogax]

Mass produced processed White Bread and White Bread products. It's rubbish and causes so much bother to health it should have a warning on it.

Maybe, but a chip butty works best with cheap and cheerful white bread.

 

[PeterY]

The following is not to be read while eating. Sweetcorn also has the advantage that you can use to see if your digestion is functioning properly (‘bowel transit time’). As the husks don’t break down, you can eat a lot of sweet corn at a meal and then observe when they appear out of the other end. Personally, I have other hobbies to keep me occupied.

I can't stand sweetcorn. I think it should an option and not taken for granted everyone likes it.

If properly buttered with a thick layer of real butter it won't go soggy. Why would I want to spread chemical junk on it? Like sugar in tea, it's not something you have enough of for it to have a massive effect on your waistline or cholesterol.

Marg should be banned. Most bakeries put it on so thinly it's a sheer waste of time. I love butter and I spread it thickly, my daughter tells me off. I do like toast with my butter

Skimmed Milk should be banned. It can hardly be called milk. I vote for "Gold Top"

Red top milk should be banned, I might as well be given water . Can't beat blue top

 

[Runningaround]

Maybe, but a chip butty works best with cheap and cheerful white bread.

Not really a crusty bap is far better. I do think the ultra spreadable butter has been made for super thin flimsy white bread as anything slightly stiffer rips it apart. Thick sturdy old style bread with a crust and proper butter for chips.

And milk I thought Skimmed was better than whole for drinking straight for years, but it's not (maybe for tea, but I stopped putting any milk in as it spoils the flavour) I find full milk like a meal.
And then there is the carbs if you believe the low carb dieters then milk and butter is better for you than high carb bread. I certainly deflate after giving bread up for a week or two, the bowels get used to it after a while.

 

[Kite159]

Also websites which if you make the mistake of selecting the items you wish to purchase BEFORE logging in, proceed to empty your basket for you after logging in meaning you have to repeat the process.

Although I say websites, I can only think of one which has done it to me recently, namely Avanti. These days virtually all online retail website remember the contents of your basket after you log in.

Travelodge does that.

 

[GusB]

There's two things I've noticed about professionally made sandwiches.

If you take the two triangles of bread and put them together along the diagonal cut the result doesn't look like a slice from any normal loaf and

There's always lots of filling visible through the diagonal cut but, if you remove the top slice of bread, you can often see that the filling is confined to a narrow strip each side of that cut, with virtually nothing in the corners.

But they still taste better than ones I make myself...

I remember there was an item on BBC's That's Life programme that discussed the various shortcuts that were used by sandwich makers, one of them being the placing of

I remember when That's Life used to do a competition for the most pathetically stingy shop bought sandwich and shame the guilty companies on the telly

I really object to having my mind read like that. Get oot o ma heid!!

That's Life sprung to mind immediately when sandwich-making shortcuts first cropped up. I remember the 'spread on, spread off' method whereby a generous amount of butter/marg was liberally applied to the bread, only to be scraped off again. They also illustrated how fillings were sometimes only placed along the diagonal.

Come back Esther, Adrian and Gavin
.

 

[Runningaround]

I remember there was an item on BBC's That's Life programme that discussed the various shortcuts that were used by sandwich makers, one of them being the placing of

I really object to having my mind read like that. Get oot o ma heid!!

That's Life sprung to mind immediately when sandwich-making shortcuts first cropped up. I remember the 'spread on, spread off' method whereby a generous amount of butter/marg was liberally applied to the bread, only to be scraped off again. They also illustrated how fillings were sometimes only placed along the diagonal.

Come back Esther, Adrian and Gavin
.

They were BR sandwiches weren't they?

 

[yorksrob]

I remember there was an item on BBC's That's Life programme that discussed the various shortcuts that were used by sandwich makers, one of them being the placing of

I really object to having my mind read like that. Get oot o ma heid!!

That's Life sprung to mind immediately when sandwich-making shortcuts first cropped up. I remember the 'spread on, spread off' method whereby a generous amount of butter/marg was liberally applied to the bread, only to be scraped off again. They also illustrated how fillings were sometimes only placed along the diagonal.

Come back Esther, Adrian and Gavin
.

It certainly made for entertaining telly !

They were BR sandwiches weren't they?

I believe the winner of the stingiest sandwich competition was actually a garage somewhere !

 

[Strat-tastic]

I remember there was an item on BBC's That's Life programme that discussed the various shortcuts that were used by sandwich makers, one of them being the placing of

I really object to having my mind read like that. Get oot o ma heid!!

That's Life sprung to mind immediately when sandwich-making shortcuts first cropped up. I remember the 'spread on, spread off' method whereby a generous amount of butter/marg was liberally applied to the bread, only to be scraped off again. They also illustrated how fillings were sometimes only placed along the diagonal.

Come back Esther, Adrian and Gavin
.

Don't forget 'and finally Cyril'.

 

[D821]

Crap handdryers.

Business done, hands washed, you step up to the dryer. Instead of your dripping digits being boisterously buffeted by tumult of hot air, you're rewarded with a slow, tepid, draught that has as much warmth as a January morning and the energy of a hamster's fart.

Mindful of the queue of people waiting to dry their hands (heightened by the fact the sadist that designed the bathroom put in less dryers than sinks), you generate more heat from the friction of grating one hand against the other. Realising that, after 20 long seconds, your hands feel just as wet as when you first put them under, you begrudgingly smear them over your trousers and leave, cursing the tightwad that skimped on purchasing a decent hand dryer.