Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[gg1]

Peugeot had to, because they got in trouble with Mr Bond. See https://www.autocar.co.uk/car-news/new-cars/names-not-bond

1-infinity-7 doesn't really have the same ring to it though:

 

[Techniquest]

I'll just ban NatWest. I would say there are plenty of more competent banks with better customer service.

While I may agree, I have to say I do at least prefer their ATMs to those of Santander. No thanks to those things! If I was to swap banks, that means changing a ton of stuff around and having to memorise new numbers. That's too much effort for me, quite frankly.

As for the thread topic, since we're talking about banks and stupid banking adverts, I'd ban Lloyds from making such silly adverts. Thankfully Santander have been quiet lately, and I've not been enduring as much of Barclays/Barclaycard. I think to be honest I'd probably get rid of a lot of them just based on their irritating adverts!

 

[Mcr Warrior]

As for the thread topic, since we're talking about banks and stupid banking adverts, I'd ban Lloyds from making such silly adverts. Thankfully Santander have been quiet lately,..

Guess you've not seen their hilarious woeful "Bank of Ant and Dec" ads, which still seem to be doing the rounds just now.

(YouTube link to "hilarious" Santander Bank advert).

 

[Gloster]

See my #1,207 for a definition of ‘hilarious’.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Things described as ‘hilarious’ on web sites. They will turn out to be something that only a six-year old would find remotely funny.

See my #1,207 for a definition of ‘hilarious’.

For the benefit of anyone having difficulty navigating their way around a thread with 3000+ posts.

 

[Techniquest]

I must be very lucky to not have endured those recent Ant and Dec ads then! Phew!

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Can I dig up this thread to nominate the selfish *****s who wouldn't just move down a busy but not full TPE service. Everyone packing into the narrow vestibules but not entering the saloon for some godforsaken reason!

 

[Gloster]

As a follow up to the post about people who busk, but only have a limited repertoire. There is a woman who sits near the bus station playing the accordion: I pass most days, but have never heard her play anything except Que Sera, Sera. The staff of Next must be going out of their minds.

 

[Peter Lanky]

Referring to any album as being a 'solo album' when many others have contributed, and even worse when the 'solo artist' is just a singer and is only there for their totty appal.

Use on the word 'only' when advertising the price of a very expensive item.

Use of the word 'save' (in money) when clearly there is no standard price, very often with wine.

Tipping in any shape or form.

The honours system.

 

[py_megapixel]

Use on the word 'only' when advertising the price of a very expensive item.

Or when it's not actually all you're paying, such as with gym memberships. "Only £15 a month. £5 joining fee applies." So it's not only £15 a month then, is it.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Or when it's not actually all you're paying, such as with gym memberships. "Only £15 a month. £5 joining fee applies." So it's not only £15 a month then, is it.

Megabus get my goat for this... "Fares from £1*" (*=plus £1.50 booking fee) sounds more dishonest than "Fares from £2.50" with no asterisk, despite the actual amount being the same. It's not as if £2.50 isn't a bargain for intercity travel.

 

[dakta]

any video on youtube that starts with "hi guys"

any video on youtube where there's a stupidly big microphone taking up half the shot but it's filmed in a house not a recording studio

any video on youtube that is a tutorial and hasn't made it to touching on the subject after the first minute

any combination of the above, I'm quite tech savvy but if you're buying a popular camera etc (as per my case) searching for user reviews isn't all it's cracked up to be - you'll just find a lot of entitled kids trying to say good stuff about it because they don't want to lose their free one.

 

[bspahh]

any video on youtube where there's a stupidly big microphone taking up half the shot but it's filmed in a house not a recording studio

If you film something in a house, you can either have a directional microphone, close to your mouth, or you can have one that will pick up background noise.

 

[dakta]

HI GUYS, I'm just going to scream into this totally noise reducing microphone that I'd still ban it.

stick around as I'll be comparing how effective different brands of paper towels are when i knock over this free sample of coffee I was given found on the street courtesy of nescafe, please excuse the dog in the background, but first up I want to know this video was brought you by <insert some random unknown brand here>

It just seems a bit pretentious to me. so it has to be banned

 

[Peakrider]

The concept of this thread is pretty simple. Imagining you were an entirely selfish dictator guaranteed to stay in power for your entire life, and you wanted to make the world 'perfect' from your perspective, what petty things that annoy you would you make illegal?

Let's try to keep this lighthearted please. An example I'll give is ticket booking interfaces where typing a CRS code in the station search field doesn't automatically send the pertinent station to the top of the list.

I would ban buses claiming their destination as “Please wear a face covering”….I don’t know where “Please wear a face covering” is exactly, but it seems to have a great bus service!
This is bad practice- as a bus approaches there’s only a split second to determine whether it’s your bus or not and especially annoying on busy roads and must be a nightmare for those with poor eye sight.

 

[Gloster]

Lovey-dovey couples who walk along narrow pavements hand in hand and are oblivious to people coming in the opposite direction, who have to move into the road. Those in their fifties and beyond seem to be worse than youngsters.

 

[Calthrop]

Lovey-dovey couples who walk along narrow pavements hand in hand and are oblivious to people coming in the opposite direction, who have to move into the road. Those in their fifties and beyond seem to be worse than youngsters.

And as a friend of mine -- big on for-the-convenience-of-the-most, way-making (to be fair, I occasionally wonder re him, whether he's an alien from some planet whose people are more habitually rational / logical / hyper-considerate, than humans are -- and where reproduction is asexual, thus negating the "lovey-dovey" thing) -- says in considerable annoyance (re both directions): "the more abreast they walk, the slower they go".

 

[AM9]

And as a friend of mine -- big on for-the-convenience-of-the-most, way-making (to be fair, I occasionally wonder re him, whether he's an alien from some planet whose people are more habitually rational / logical / hyper-considerate, than humans are -- and where reproduction is asexual, thus negating the "lovey-dovey" thing) -- says in considerable annoyance (re both directions): "the more abreast they walk, the slower they go".

Best way to deal with those that walk at least four abreast is to aim for the centre of them*. That often makes them realise that they are taking up everybody else's walking space.
* walking in the opposite direction of course.

 

[PeterY]

I would ban buses claiming their destination as “Please wear a face covering”….I don’t know where “Please wear a face covering” is exactly, but it seems to have a great bus service!
This is bad practice- as a bus approaches there’s only a split second to determine whether it’s your bus or not and especially annoying on busy roads and must be a nightmare for those with poor eye sight.

"Not in Service" also seems a popular destination for lots of buses.

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Lovey-dovey couples who walk along narrow pavements hand in hand and are oblivious to people coming in the opposite direction, who have to move into the road. Those in their fifties and beyond seem to be worse than youngsters.

Ah to be in love. That was a long time ago for me

People walking along, towards me, looking down at their mobile oblivious to what's going on around them.

 

[Peter Lanky]

Lovey-dovey couples who walk along narrow pavements hand in hand and are oblivious to people coming in the opposite direction, who have to move into the road. Those in their fifties and beyond seem to be worse than youngsters.

Groups of old fogies (I'm an old fogey myself to keep things in context) having a morning group ramble along a flat canal towpath in full hiking gear are also very good at taking up all available path space. I tend to find younger people are more likely to wander from side to side, thus also blocking the path. The obligatory mobile phone in hand may contribute to this.

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Perhaps we need better signage.

 

[D821]

Software that only supports US-English dictionaries, meaning that perfectly spelt text is underlined for no valid reason.

 

[AM9]

"Not in Service" also seems a popular destination for lots of buses.

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I used to have a T shirt that came from the LT museum a few years ago which had 'out of service' printed on it in perfect Johnston Sans type. It was surprising how many locals in Florida recognised it.

People walking along, towards me, looking down at their mobile oblivious to what's going on around them.

Stop right in front of them, they look a bit sheepish then.

 

[Gloster]

"Not in Service" also seems a popular destination for lots of buses.

On the Isle of Wight we get people who think that it is the bus serving the village of Niton. (I am not joking.)

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Stop right in front of them, they look a bit sheepish then.

Or they walk into you.

 

[AM9]

Or they walk into you.

Depends how big you are.

 

[Cowley]

A fly in the bedroom. At least if it’s a wasp they’re easy enough to catch.
You can never properly relax when there’s a fly in the room bumping into things though.

 

[Calthrop]

A fly in the bedroom. At least if it’s a wasp they’re easy enough to catch.
You can never properly relax when there’s a fly in the room bumping into things though.

Re the fly -- send the spider after it ! (Being a bit arachnophobic, the latter is something I'd definitely ban.)

 

[Cowley]

Re the fly -- send the spider after it ! (Being a bit arachnophobic, the latter is something I'd definitely ban.)

Yes but then we’d have had to get a bird, then a cat, followed by a dog etc… It could have ended up becoming a long and very complicated night.

 

[PeterY]

I've now stopped playing trains and buying engines until the autumn. My job is summer related.

 

[Cowley]

I've now stopped playing trains and buying engines until the autumn. My job is summer related.

Time for a garden railway Peter…

 

[Paul Jones 88]

People who take an absolutely huge dog upstairs on the bus, seen it today and the dog was blocking the aisle between the seats and making a little kid nervous.