Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[75A]

People behind you in the queue at the supermarket checkout who try and load their shopping on to the conveyor belt when there is not enough room, or who try to shove your shopping further up the conveyor belt to make more room for theirs.

Just wait for the conveyor belt to move forwards for ***** sake.

And then whilst you are trying to pack your shopping away, and pay for it at the same time, they sit tut-tutting about how long you are taking.

Look, I'm not an effing octopus with eight arms, so I can only do one thing at a time.

When people tut tut behind me, I just go slower.

 

[alex397]

People behind you in the queue at the supermarket checkout who try and load their shopping on to the conveyor belt when there is not enough room, or who try to shove your shopping further up the conveyor belt to make more room for theirs.

Just wait for the conveyor belt to move forwards for ***** sake.

And then whilst you are trying to pack your shopping away, and pay for it at the same time, they sit tut-tutting about how long you are taking.

Look, I'm not an effing octopus with eight arms, so I can only do one thing at a time.

Totally agree. It’s one reason I often go to the self-service tills (even though I would prefer human interaction) - I can scan and pack my shopping in my own slow time.

It’s also why I rarely step in a Lidl or Aldi - I really like these stores but the checkouts make me really anxious! I’ve got to pack my own shopping at lightning speed while really feeling the eyes of the huge line of people behind me. I had to sit in my car for a while before driving to de-stress from the experience!

 

[Pinza-C55]

I'm unsure how that is relevant to the post you have quoted...

I was halfway through a bottle of wine when I posted my musings and accidentally quoted the other post. I'm feeling much better now.

 

[nlogax]

I’ve got to pack my own shopping at lightning speed while really feeling the eyes of the huge line of people behind me.

This is why you just sweep all your shopping back into the trolley after it's scanned at the checkout and bag it on the packing shelf..

 

[Techniquest]

You can do this, if you have enough other shopping to use to wedge the bottle upright with!

Still not an ideal method mind! Whenever I used to operate a checkout I hated people standing bottles upright on the belt. Regardless of how they did it! Same with glass jars, a receipe for disaster sometimes!

I suspect the others still down there still have contempt for customers who insist on standing their bottles upright, I sure did! It was sometimes enough to make you want to say to them "Aww is this your first time shopping? Have you never loaded a conveyor belt before?"

YouTubers who like to advertise their latest clips with thumbnails of their faces in some god-awful contorted displays of wide-eyed amazement, inexplicable horror or down and out confusion. This annoying habit appears to be the particular domain of pilots, gamers and tech 'tubers.. I hate it. Make 'em stop.

Yes! This happens way too often and it's really annoying. Same with putting parts of the title in all-caps when not necessary, excessive use of exclamation points and such like.

 

[py_megapixel]

I was halfway through a bottle of wine when I posted my musings and accidentally quoted the other post. I'm feeling much better now.

Ah, I see. Never mind, no harm done!

 

[yorksrob]

People behind you in the queue at the supermarket checkout who try and load their shopping on to the conveyor belt when there is not enough room, or who try to shove your shopping further up the conveyor belt to make more room for theirs.

Just wait for the conveyor belt to move forwards for ***** sake.

And then whilst you are trying to pack your shopping away, and pay for it at the same time, they sit tut-tutting about how long you are taking.

Look, I'm not an effing octopus with eight arms, so I can only do one thing at a time.

Also people who don't put out the "next customer" divider on the complayer belt behind them.

 

[nlogax]

Also people who don't put out the "next customer" divider on the complayer belt behind them.

Those people are actually the worst.

 

[alex397]

This is why you just sweep all your shopping back into the trolley after it's scanned at the checkout and bag it on the packing shelf..

You’re right. Even then though, I still find I have to rush to put it back in the trolley/basket.

 

[yorksrob]

Those people are actually the worst.

It makes my blood boil !

 

[Ianno87]

Those people are actually the worst.

It makes my blood boil !

Worse are when you do it for the people behind you, and they look at you like you've gone mad.

 

[duncanp]

When people tut tut behind me, I just go slower.

I always finish packing my shopping away before I get my cash or card out to pay.

If you don't, then the checkout operator will sometimes start scanning the next person's shopping, or pick up the first item of shopping and move it towards the scanner as if to say to you "...get a move on you slow old duffer..."

 

[61653 HTAFC]

And then whilst you are trying to pack your shopping away, and pay for it at the same time, they sit tut-tutting about how long you are taking.

Look, I'm not an effing octopus with eight arms, so I can only do one thing at a time.

That's a sure way to make me take even longer!

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 22 Sep 2021 ==

Also people who don't put out the "next customer" divider on the complayer belt behind them.

Checkout operators who don't slide the dividers along so that people can reach them. Also, the stupid chairs that supermarkets provide for their checkout operators... when I worked for Asda I preferred to stand than use their medieval torture devices.

 

[SuspectUsual]

Have we banned social media influencers yet?

 

[ABB125]

Have we banned social media influencers yet?

It's on my to-do list!

 

[Jamesrob637]

Also people who don't put out the "next customer" divider on the complayer belt behind them.

Cashiers who say they're closing after I've put the first item or couple of items on the conveyor belt.

If I've laid the first item or couple of items on, you or somebody must serve me on that till. If I've not seen the "Closing" object or the cashier tells me before I've laid the first item on, mea culpa.

 

[nlogax]

Have we banned social media influencers yet?

Yes, we should do that. Yesterday if possible.

 

[Busaholic]

Also people who don't put out the "next customer" divider on the complayer belt behind them.

What about the cashiers that like to grow a little collection of the blighters round their tills, too lazy to push them down, so you can't reach them without stretching over other customers? I try to avoid certain cashiers for this and other reasons e.g. some always make a meal of scanning your loyalty card, or whatever.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Another one from on the buses:
This appears to affect all modern ticket machines, but they take an awfully long time to detect that a contactless card or device has been placed on the machine, and there doesn't seem to be a button driver can press to override the delay- meaning that using what is supposed to be a quicker method takes longer than it should.

If there is a way for drivers to tell the machine that the passenger is paying by card, then the "ban" is instead for the drivers who sit there slack-jawed while the machine thinks about it.

Also, people who pay with card but leave the card receipt at the machine for the next person to deal with. People who do the same with ATMs also get the birch!

 

[Strat-tastic]

Also people who don't put out the "next customer" divider on the complayer belt behind them.

That wasn't always a thing; so I see it as a courtesy. In my experience very few people thank you so I often don't do it, or put it at some random angle and upside down.
I usually thank people who do me the favour.
So am I banned?
Better call the mods!

 

[yorksrob]

That wasn't always a thing; so I see it as a courtesy. In my experience very few people thank you so I often don't do it, or put it at some random angle and upside down.
I usually thank people who do me the favour.
So am I banned?
Better call the mods!

That would be up to the supermarket mods

 

[Gloster]

That wasn't always a thing; so I see it as a courtesy. In my experience very few people thank you so I often don't do it, or put it at some random angle and upside down.
I usually thank people who do me the favour.
So am I banned?
Better call the mods!

Oddly, this used to strike me as one of the few situations when people would actually say thank you for some minor bit of politeness. However, you may be right that it has become less common. Certainly, people seem to be more impatient for you to move away: even on self-service tills people can start hovering as soon as you start to pack (I shop frequently, but moderately, so don’t have much to pack). Recently, one chap was so close to me as I was packing that he was few millimetres from committing a sexual offence.

 

[Peter C]

I'd ban TOCs on Twitter selecting the "no replies" option when tweeting about disruption. I suppose you could argue it's to reduce spam, but it makes it that bit harder for people to get in contact with the company when asking for information.

-Peter

 

[GusB]

I'd ban customers who refuse to see the "Checkout Closed" sign, despite it having been there for a good 10 minutes and then pretend they can't hear you when you try to advise them. I don't care if you only have five items, I've already said "oh go on then" to the previous two customers, I stopped being paid a minute ago, I have a bus to catch and I'm buggered if I'm waiting for an hour for the next one because of your poor time management!

Hanging, drawing and quartering should be introduced for customers who decide they don't want something halfway around around the store and dump it wherever they feel like it (fresh meat in the freezer, for example). If you really can't be bothered putting it back where it should go, at least give it to a member of staff and say "I don't need this now".

 

[Gloster]

Hanging, drawing and quartering should be introduced for customers who decide they don't want something halfway around around the store and dump it wherever they feel like it (fresh meat in the freezer, for example).

...or the Egg & Cress sandwich in the pillowcases.

 

[duncanp]

Hanging, drawing and quartering should be introduced for customers who decide they don't want something halfway around around the store and dump it wherever they feel like it (fresh meat in the freezer, for example). If you really can't be bothered putting it back where it should go, at least give it to a member of staff and say "I don't need this now".

And also for people who decide they don't want something when it is on the conveyor belt and the cashier has started to scan your shopping

And also for people who decide they have forgotten something once their shopping on the conveyor belt, and expect everyone to wait whilst they go ad fetch it.

 

[alex397]

I get a bit of a lazy morning on Thursdays as I go in to work later. But this morning I was woken up by a group of people hanging around a bench near my house getting completely drunk and listening to rave music on full blast through tinny speakers. At 7am! They are still at it right now - usually I like to hear the birds in the garden. Never mind.
I’d quite happily ban them from this town.

 

[ABB125]

Can't remember if this has been mentioned before, but people referring to seasons of a television programme, instead of series. Horrible Americanism!

 

[xotGD]

I'd ban supermarkets that expect you to deal with your shopping in a completely different way to every other supermarket out there.

Conveyor belt to bag. One action.

Conveyor belt back into trolley. Trolley into bag. Two actions. More faff.

 

[GusB]

I get a bit of a lazy morning on Thursdays as I go in to work later. But this morning I was woken up by a group of people hanging around a bench near my house getting completely drunk and listening to rave music on full blast through tinny speakers. At 7am! They are still at it right now - usually I like to hear the birds in the garden. Never mind.
I’d quite happily ban them from this town.

Ah, those were the days...