Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Busaholic]

I developed a deep disinclination towards checking my balance when withdrawing cash, while at university. It has stayed with me ever since.

You'll know the balance isn't all it should be when the cash request is declined (believe me, I know.)

 

[Strathclyder]

Cash machines that present two options for cash withdrawal.

1. Balance enquiry and cash withdrawal.
2. Cash withdrawal.

I select option 2. Then it comes up "Would you like to check your balance first?".

I often find myself having to withdraw money from my mum's account to fund shopping trips using my local Co-op's own 'hole-in-the-wall' machine. Done it so many times now I know exactly when to hit 'no' when 'would you like to check your balance first?' pops up out of habit. Not my bank account, so no, of course I don't want to, thank you very much lol

 

[Ostrich]

Macaws.

I was attacked by one once and I've singularly avoided them ever since. In Rhyl, for the record.

 

[Busaholic]

Macaws.

I was attacked by one once and I've singularly avoided them ever since. In Rhyl, for the record.

As a macaw owner of 22 years, may I ask what you did to upset him/her? I've been bitten several times over the years, in what to the macaw would have been an affectionate way: if he'd meant it I could have been left with life-changing injuries, possibly even life-threatening. My macaw's from Morecambe, and now lives on the far S.W. coast, so perhaps it's the Atlantic air that gets to them!

 

[Ostrich]

As a macaw owner of 22 years, may I ask what you did to upset him/her? I've been bitten several times over the years, in what to the macaw would have been an affectionate way: if he'd meant it I could have been left with life-changing injuries, possibly even life-threatening. My macaw's from Morecambe, and now lives on the far S.W. coast, so perhaps it's the Atlantic air that gets to them!

Nothing, to the best of my knowledge. I was about 8 at the time and the idea was the bird would be perched on my shoulder for a photo-op. However, he/she decided it would be far more fun to clamber down the pullover which was slung over my shoulders, lean round and neatly remove at least two of the buttons on my shirt ...... my parents thought it was hilarious, but surely that must classify as assault at the least!

If that was affectionate, I'd hate to have got on the wrong side of him ......

 

[HST274]

Nothing, to the best of my knowledge. I was about 8 at the time and the idea was the bird would be perched on my shoulder for a photo-op. However, he/she decided it would be far more fun to clamber down the pullover which was slung over my shoulders, lean round and neatly remove at least two of the buttons on my shirt ...... my parents thought it was hilarious, but surely that must classify as assault at the least!

If that was affectionate, I'd hate to have got on the wrong side of him ......

Not quite as scary as when I was chased around a farm by a very angry chicken!!!

 

[backontrack]

I'd ban TikTok, personally.

 

[yorksrob]

You'll know the balance isn't all it should be when the cash request is declined (believe me, I know.)

Oh, I've been there !

 

[ABB125]

Not quite as scary as when I was chased around a farm by a very angry chicken!!!

Or being chased by a stampede of cows (on a DofE walk) that were perfectly minding their own business until a certain member of the group shouts "run", everyone starts running and the cows join in!

Thus I'd ban anyone who can't just walk through a field with large animals in. Ignore them, and they'll (generally!) ignore you.

 

[Bevan Price]

Man City. I would also say liverpool but they aren't quite as minor

No. Just ban all football clubs from paying players more than the legal minimum wage. It might give every club a chance of keeping good players, instead of having them plundered by clubs owned by billionaires.

 

[ABB125]

No. Just ban all football clubs from paying players more than the legal minimum wage. It might give every club a chance of keeping good players, instead of having them plundered by clubs owned by billionaires.

Or just ban professional football?

 

[Busaholic]

Nothing, to the best of my knowledge. I was about 8 at the time and the idea was the bird would be perched on my shoulder for a photo-op. However, he/she decided it would be far more fun to clamber down the pullover which was slung over my shoulders, lean round and neatly remove at least two of the buttons on my shirt ...... my parents thought it was hilarious, but surely that must classify as assault at the least!

If that was affectionate, I'd hate to have got on the wrong side of him ......

Oh, yes, button removal - they do regard that as great fun! No wonder my wife wears nothing that requires buttons - she loathes sewing!

The worst incidence was the most recent, last winter. It was Saturday night 11 p.m., and the telephone call to 111 went like this:-
Me: 'Hello, I've been bitten on my ankle by an animal in my home. I've staunched the bleeding but I have a sort of dirty water oozing from my ankle now. What should I do?'
Operator; 'Was it a dog that bit you on the ankle?
Me: 'No, it was a parrot. Don't ask!'
Operator: 'Sorry, that doesn't fit the possible classifications I have here....I'll have to seek advice and ring you back'.
A doctor phoned me back quite quickly and laughingly agreed that I'd provided a new first for them. Arranged prescription to be collected Sunday morning before presenting myself to Minor Injuries Unit at local hospital for dressing and, importantly, tetanus injection, but no long term implications.

 

[HST274]

Or being chased by a stampede of cows (on a DofE walk) that were perfectly minding their own business until a certain member of the group shouts "run", everyone starts running and the cows join in!

Thus I'd ban anyone who can't just walk through a field with large animals in. Ignore them, and they'll (generally!) ignore you.

This is hilariously relatable. I have a close friend who is terrified of cows and will often go out of the way to avoid them. Often however when we do walk through them and the friend is there the cows will just start to move towards us (or trot in some cases) leading to us fleeing the field.

Another time when we did avoid them we ended up having a rather large horse chase us instead!

 

[ABB125]

This is hilariously relatable. I have a close friend who is terrified of cows and will often go out of the way to avoid them. Often however when we do walk through them and the friend is there the cows will just start to move towards us (or trot in some cases) leading to us fleeing the field.

Another time when we did avoid them we ended up having a rather large horse chase us instead!

Act calm, and the horses/cows/whatever will stay calm. Just try to avoid going through a gate, around which a dozen small semi-wild horses are gathered, with friends who are less experienced in such matters, whilst carrying a large bag of several portions of fish and chips!

 

[island]

Cash machines that present two options for cash withdrawal.

1. Balance enquiry and cash withdrawal.
2. Cash withdrawal.

I select option 2. Then it comes up "Would you like to check your balance first?".

The cash machine operator can charge the card issuer a few pence for this.

 

[tbtc]

People who bring their emotive thoughts on Covid into each and every discussion about non-Covid things (yeah, we get it, you're not happy about particular restrictions but not every discussion has to come back to it)

Come Dine With Me.

It's terrible.

The problem with these shows is that they start off being interesting and insightful... then after a series or two the people going on it have already watched the earlier episodes, so know how to play the game, which loses the nativity that made them interesting in the first place... then the contestants become the kind of people who are huge fans of the show (and therefore terrible entertainment for viewers)

For example, Big Brother was interesting twenty years ago - we saw people behaving naturally on it - but after a year or two the contestants knew what to expect so couldn't be "tricked", and were much cannier about who to nominate, how to play the system... then after a few years it was unwatchable because the kind of people applying were Big Brother obsessives who were very "in the know" but made rubbish telly because the natural behaviour of the first year or two was now replaced by people who'd come with pre-planned tactics (see also X-Factor, where the innocence of contestants in earlier years was soon replaced by people cynically knowing which boxes to tick)

Hard to know what the solution is (other than ban all shows after the third season!) - but its noticeable when you watch an earlier series of something on repeat compared to the modern episodes - e.g. early Pointless had people genuinely clueless about some things, but modern Pointless has people who've genned up on their Central African Republic and Einsteinium etc, so it's not as interesting.

At least Taskmaster has avoided this, since it's celebrity-only, and some of the contestants on it seem blissfully unaware of how to "game" the system

 

[Jimini]

For example, Big Brother was interesting twenty years ago - we saw people behaving naturally on it - but after a year or two the contestants knew what to expect so couldn't be "tricked", and were much cannier about who to nominate, how to play the system... then after a few years it was unwatchable because the kind of people applying were Big Brother obsessives who were very "in the know" but made rubbish telly because the natural behaviour of the first year or two was now replaced by people who'd come with pre-planned tactics

Agree with this 100%. The early series of Big Brother were genuinely intriguing and entertaining. They also spawned some 'talent' in that transitional phase you allude to there who are still around now from season three -- see Alison Hammond (ITV), Adele Roberts (Radio 1) and Kate Lawler (Virgin Radio (I think)).

The later series..... well I'll just pipe down with my opinions at this point!

 

[Meerkat]

At least Taskmaster has avoided this, since it's celebrity-only, and some of the contestants on it seem blissfully unaware of how to "game" the system

There is always the occasional celebrity on such shows who has clearly just been sent along by their agent with no clue what they are doing!

 

[158747]

For example, Big Brother was interesting twenty years ago - we saw people behaving naturally on it - but after a year or two the contestants knew what to expect so couldn't be "tricked", and were much cannier about who to nominate, how to play the system... then after a few years it was unwatchable because the kind of people applying were Big Brother obsessives who were very "in the know" but made rubbish telly because the natural behaviour of the first year or two was now replaced by people who'd come with pre-planned tactics (see also X-Factor, where the innocence of contestants in earlier years was soon replaced by people cynically knowing which boxes to tick)

I agree, I think after the first few years Big Brother had become a freak show.

 

[backontrack]

Public proposals.

 

[birchesgreen]

I agree, I think after the first few years Big Brother had become a freak show.

After the first few series i tended to only watch the launch night so i could play housemate stereotype bingo.

 

[tbtc]

Agree with this 100%. The early series of Big Brother were genuinely intriguing and entertaining. They also spawned some 'talent' in that transitional phase you allude to there who are still around now from season three -- see Alison Hammond (ITV), Adele Roberts (Radio 1) and Kate Lawler (Virgin Radio (I think)).

The later series..... well I'll just pipe down with my opinions at this point!

Good point - series three was the last one worth watching with a good level of contestant, some of whom have had decent careers and are still regularly in the media around twenty years later, whilst those who were on the show on a couple of years ago have been forgotten already!

I guess I still hear of Will Young in the press twenty years later, whilst I couldn't tell you anyone from X-Factor (since the days when Harry Hill's TV Burp used to lampoon the show, so I used to know a handful of contestants)

There is always the occasional celebrity on such shows who has clearly just been sent along by their agent with no clue what they are doing!

I don't tend to watch cookery shows but it's amusing to watch Celebrity Masterchef, where (as well as the forty something alpha-males who've embraced cooking as a midlife crisis, and the occasional people who've always cooked) they've got some nineteen year old from Hollyoaks etc who fills a different demographic and is like a rabbit in the headlights when asked to boil an egg - it's car crash television!

I agree, I think after the first few years Big Brother had become a freak show.

It's a shame (albeit pretty inevitable), since it was once an interesting show that people would have high brow conversations about - some trashy telly has always been trashy and that's fine but Big Brother once felt like a well intentioned sociological experiment into the human condition (rather than a competition for who will become the minor celebrity for fifteen minutes and get to turn on the Christmas Lights in Dorking)

 

[Cowley]

Home DIY when you spend your entire working week essentially doing DIY.

 

[43172]

I vote we keep one, as a warning from history!

No, there must be no survivors, with only a mention in the history books that something like it shouldn't be built again

 

[Efini92]

People that use the word Pacific instead of specific.

I’ve also never understood why people say reversed back, it’s not like you can reverse forwards.

 

[gg1]

Man City. I would also say liverpool but they aren't quite as minor

I like to see both Man City and Liverpool do well for one reason and one reason only.

It annoys Man United fans.

 

[Busaholic]

Home DIY when you spend your entire working week essentially doing DIY.

I thought those in the 'trade' considered themselves absolved from having to work on their own pads?

 

[Cowley]

I thought those in the 'trade' considered themselves absolved from having to work on their own pads?

If only!
I have finally managed to get the point across that I don’t find it an enjoyable ‘hobby’ though…

 

[75A]

I'm watching the Watford-Villa game on Match of the Day, if I was sat anywhere near that bloke with the drum........................................

 

[306024]

So, anyone answering a question and their first word is ”so”.

News items where the news reader adds “Joe Bloggs there” at the end of the report.

Sarah Keith-Lucas doing the weather on BBC Breakfast. Never says good morning to me, only to Charlie and Naga.