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Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

ABB125

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23 Jul 2016
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University of Birmingham
People who will happily scream at you for not picking up your dog's leavings (as you're pulling the bag out of your pocket), but will happily let their horses deposit twenty times as much on the road.
I know this isn't a ban, but I would enforce the picking-up of horse faeces by the owner. Why should dog owners have to do so, but horse owners not, despite the fact that one "deposit" from a horse is probably equivalent in size to two weeks of dog faeces? (Though I may have answered my question with that, the fact that there's so much of it, so it would be somewhat impractical to pick up)
 
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tbtc

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16 Dec 2008
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Reston City Centre
Tiktok has its place

I saw a good description of it recently, as being like American television in the 1980s/ 1990s - the stuff that we see here in the UK is the top 1%, so people assume that it's all pretty good

Oh yes, completely agree about the mindset of some meat eaters who seem to have a real problem with veggie/vegan meat substitutes.

Ironically the people who are deeply offended by the concept of vegan sausage roles are invariably keen on throwing the word 'snowflake' at anyone who disagrees with their world view

The vegetarian/ vegan sausage rolls are better than the "meaty" versions - for most processed foods I prefer the veggie/vegan version - Quorn sausages etc

I would simply ban describing people who find something problematic as a snowflake

If we are banning things then I'd ban "problematic", which seems to be used on Twitter a lot to describe someone that you want your followers to take against, without you having to explain why/ what they've actually done wrong - e.g. you'll have someone mentioning a celebrity and someone will dismiss them as being "problematic" with no justification - it seems a modern way of trying to close down a discussion (not a go at you @py_megapixel - it's just a word that I find grating when people use it to throw mud around without giving details)

But then a lot of social media seems to be like that - you don't want your "tribe" to listen to the arguments of people outside the "tribe" (because you want to keep everyone in the tribe, and not listening to inconvenient things from mainstream thinkers), so you need a way of saying "don't listen to them" without worrying too much about listing any actual sins/ crimes that they've committed
 

Cowley

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Teenagers who think that putting their dishes in the sink ‘to soak’ is being helpful.
If there are any teenagers reading this..?
IT ISN’T!!!
 

ABB125

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23 Jul 2016
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University of Birmingham
Teenagers who think that putting their dishes in the sink ‘to soak’ is being helpful.
If there are any teenagers reading this..?
IT ISN’T!!!
It is if you have a parent who likes washing up... :D

(Though after about 20 years of being virtually unused, my mum has actually started using the dishwasher willingly!)
 

duncanp

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16 Aug 2012
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Companies sending you e-mails about "the perfect gift to buy for "...this father's day...", when your father has been dead for 14 years.

Similarly for those whose mother is no longer alive.
 

Ianno87

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3 May 2015
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Companies sending you e-mails about "the perfect gift to buy for "...this father's day...", when your father has been dead for 14 years.

Similarly for those whose mother is no longer alive.

Worse for kids at school who no longer have a parent, but need to make something for mother/fathers day.

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Journalism about railway disruption that refers to either:

-"Chaos" (i.e. a couple of trains are cancelled)
-"Railway bosses"
 
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alex397

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6 Oct 2017
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2,036
Location
UK
Journalism about railway disruption that refers to either:

-"Chaos" (i.e. a couple of trains are cancelled)
-"Railway bosses"
I could spend ages listing everything that annoys me about sloppy journalism!
 

pdeaves

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14 Sep 2014
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Gateway to the South West
Journalism about railway disruption that refers to either:

-"Chaos" (i.e. a couple of trains are cancelled)
-"Railway bosses"
"anger" or "fury" about such and such when it's only a mild annoyance if that [1] (hey, they could make good loco names!)
"commuter" to describe any passenger
"carriage" to describe a freight wagon (I suppose it does 'carry' the goods, though!)

[1] applies to non-railway things, too
 

hst43102

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28 May 2019
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Tyneside
Journalism about railway disruption that refers to either:

-"Chaos" (i.e. a couple of trains are cancelled)
-"Railway bosses"
Railway enthusiasts always referred to as "chuffed", "steaming" or "fuming". It was probably funny the first time, but has been done to death!
 

ABB125

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23 Jul 2016
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Especially when prefixed with 'fat cat'. See also 'rail chiefs'.
Based on the output of certain organisations, a casual observer might believe that all these "fat cat rail bosses" do is "laugh all the way to the bank" every day... (another phrase that should be banned!)
 

gg1

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2 Jun 2011
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Birmingham
More annoying media terms:

Tsars = high level government advisors (presumably the unpopular ones are shot)
Lawmakers = politicians (an American import I believe, seems to have become very popular the last 5 years or so)
Arctic blast = a chillier than average January day
Tropical heatwave = a warmer than average July day

Also the phrase 'since records began' should never be uttered without stating WHEN said records began.
 

172007

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2 Jan 2021
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West Mids
Railway enthusiasts always referred to as "chuffed", "steaming" or "fuming". It was probably funny the first time, but has been done to death!
Even worst. Those click bait adverts that pop up "Funeral Directors fuming......". I Mean, that's sick, "fuming" about saving money on cremations.
 

Gloster

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Up the creek
In shops where there is a common queue to several tills, there are staff who wave you over or make no attempt to stop you when you move forward in order to avoid delaying others. They then change over, start a lengthy conversation with the previous customer, get involved in some complicated process with the till meaning that nothing can be scanned, etc. Meanwhile the customers who were far down the queue can be seen whizzing through the other tills. Finally you get standard apology no. 7 and can get your shopping scanned, although they will probably have to get a superviser/the boss (currently out the back) to tap some highly complicated code into the machine before you can pay.
 

ta-toget

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28 Aug 2019
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England
[…]Lawmakers[…]
I think that's sometimes used because they have different names in different countries, so when reporting on the politics of another country, they use lawmaker rather than MP or equivalent that may be unknown. Plus I think that not all politicians are lawmakers, though I suspect all lawmakers are politicians.
 

Ianno87

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The incorrect application of the "Pass either side to reach same destination" road sign.

(i.e. when it is wrongly used to separate lanes that diverge in different directions)
 

duncanp

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16 Aug 2012
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4,856
Can we ban train and bus companies from saying TRAVEL WITH CONFIDENCE on their websites, when at the same time they are encouraging you to wear a face covering in order to

  • "keep people safe"
  • "make people feel safe"
  • "respect other customers"

This sort of guilt tripping emotional blackmail really gets on my nerves.
 

43096

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23 Nov 2015
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18,856
Can we ban train and bus companies from saying TRAVEL WITH CONFIDENCE on their websites, when at the same time they are encouraging you to wear a face covering in order to

  • "keep people safe"
  • "make people feel safe"
  • "respect other customers"

This sort of guilt tripping emotional blackmail really gets on my nerves.
And, whilst we're at it, it's nothing to do with "safe", it's to do with "health".
 

Ianno87

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3 May 2015
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And, whilst we're at it, it's nothing to do with "safe", it's to do with "health".

I would generally ban anything that implies public transport to be "unsafe" compared to road transport.
 

SuspectUsual

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11 Jul 2018
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And any negative feedback normally goes straight into the shredder. Or if you get lucky you get an email back from customer services which completely ignores the issue you raised

I didn’t realise Travelodge shared a customer service department with Northern

On another note, I’d ban parents from speaking at kids’ football games
 

py_megapixel

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5 Nov 2018
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Northern England
Pronunciation of "Sudoku" as "Suduko"

Yuo wuoldn't rondamly swop vewols in Inglesh ward, so why would you in a Japanese one?
 
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