Heathrow Express First Class
Travelled: December 2017
Where: London Paddington to Heathrow Terminal 5
Stock: Class 332 EMU
Yo, people. Welcome to another critique. I hope enjoy reading it.
So. We go back in time a month and a half to mid December, where on a cold Inset Day my twin brother and I were in the capital city of this fine land, at London Paddington as it happens.
Why? Well - the clue should be in the title, eh? We were armed with first class tickets valid for the Heathrow Express. A regular haunt of ours, as most people know the Heathrow Express is a super speedy Express train from London Paddington to Heathrow Terminals 2, 3 and 5.
The first place that my brother and I headed was the London Paddington first class lounge. This is owned by Great Western Railway and is a welcome place to start a journey.
Here is the London Paddington first class lounge:
It is fairly basic but I prefer it to King’s Cross’ Lounge.
Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, Water and Fruit Juice are on offer (we helped ourselves to a can of the first each). A hot drinks machine also stood there.
In addition, Tyrrells Popcorn, Viennese Whirls and Salted Peanuts stood on top of the drinks cabinet. On the side was a big fat Lemon Drizzle Cake cut into chunks.
I took a small slice of lemon drizzle cake and a packet of peanuts, Ryan took a bag of popcorn and one of peanuts. We sat down in the seating area - it is a pleasant area with comfortable seats and MacBooks are available to use too. The lounge toilets are fantastic. I couldn’t believe toilets at a station could be so clean! Wow.
I nibbled at my cake, which was very nice but my appetite isn’t brilliant and it wasn’t finished sadly. I put the peanuts in my pocket for later, and we went across to our Heathrow Express train, which was a nine coach service formed of two 332s coupled together both in a bright livery of pale blue, brown and green.
I do like 332s. They have a stylish ambience. I’ve ridden on them many times and never have I had an unpleasant journey on one.
I took my seat in the comfortable first class carriage in the centre, going forwards of course. Highly unusually for me I chose to sit on the left this time.
The picture was taken when the train was in the tunnel. Here is Heathrow Express first class, featuring a large and very spacious atmosphere with a 1x1 seating layout. The seats are large and very comfortable, fabric made with a stylish leather headrest. The seats remind me of 787 British Airways first class actually.
The seats do not recline but seem to be in a permanent reclined position anyway. This made sitting in it very comfortable in my opinion, although someone like my dad who does not like to recline his seat in first class would likely disagree! Complementary magazines and newspapers are available.
You can see how well adapted this train is for airport use, what with the wide aisles, and large luggage racks.
The train glided smoothly out of Heathrow, sounding its Electrostar style traction motors. I relaxed and watched the Great Western Main Line go by...
An expressionless, young train manager with short, coiffed dark brown hair came up to us and checked our tickets. He spent a long time staring at them, then looked at us suspiciously.
“I’m sorry, is everything OK?” I enquired in a polite tone. He raised his eyebrows at the smartly dressed woman sitting across from us. ‘Right.’ I thought in my head. ‘An irritating one. Great…’
“Americans, are you?” he asked me, with an unpleasant grin across his face. My temper began to rise.
“Canadian.” I said, coldly - yet maintaining a degree of politeness in my voice. No matter how rude train staff sometimes are I do try not to stoop to their level. “Ah, same thing,” he responded. (My blood began to boil)

“Don’t they call it the 51st state?”
He signed our tickets and went, laughing to himself. “
Badword Hoser,” I muttered, glaring at his back ferociously. Ryan just laughed. I tried to enjoy the rest of my journey.
During a Heathrow Express journey in first class the Express TVs are switched on, showing the BBC World News. Well, I suppose it’s a good way of helping one fall asleep eh?
The train glided into Heathrow Central, then continuing onto Heathrow Terminal 5, where we were asked to disembark for security purposes.
Returning to the train we discovered that the doughhead of a conductor had signed my return ticket instead of the outbound ticket, fortunately (and unfortunately at the same time) it was the same one so this wasn’t a problem.
The train left Heathrow and headed back to London at an impressive speed. We took out our mini bags of peanuts and nibbled them while the train clattered through Hayes and Harlington. It was a pleasant feeling, sitting there in a stylish first class carriage with my headphones in, taking it easy.
After fifteen minutes the train pulled back into London Paddington, concluding our journey.
“Hasta la vista, boys,” said the annoying man in a dodgy accent that sounded like a mixture of Texas and Wisconsin accents. Totally different accents I know.

“See y’all later, eh?”
Ryan gave him a polite “Later.” I said nothing, far too annoyed at (a) his earlier remark that Canada was owned by America, (b) his ignorance of thinking that Canadians said “y’all” (no one north of blimming Alabama says that surely?

) and (c) his oh so funny (not) way of tagging “eh” on to the end of his sentence to say a single word to him.
Anyway. My opinions:
Heathrow Express First Class is lovely. Super stylish, really spacious and lounge access is always nice. However - it’s a fifteen minute journey which means that Express class is totally fine instead. HEx is definitely worth the extra money than awful old HC though.
Coming up soon:
1) Either tomorrow, Tuesday or Wednesday -
to be confirmed
2) Either Thursday or Friday -
Virgin Trains EC - First Class - Weekday Breakfast service
3) Either Friday or Saturday -
Virgin Trains EC - First Class - Rest of the Day service
Also as I said, in April you can expect a foreign critique or two. Here are the plans:
SNCF TER First Class
SNCF TGV Duplex Oceane First Class
I hope you enjoyed my review of Heathrow Express First Class and will join me for the upcoming reviews I have planned.
So until next time...
Hit the lounge up,
Stay away from irritating guards,
Plug in your headphones
and chill.
Sigh. Typers cramp.

Peace out. Z.

LatRz
