Fake Rail News

[gg1]

Mind you, 2 years ago we'd have thought the TPE LHCS was fake news, and HSTs replacing DMUs in Scotland!

Or even saying 3 years ago that 35 year old tube stock would be converted into DMUs

 

[AndrewR232]

Northern announce plans to install automatic ticket gates at Reddish South and Denton stations.

 

[Kite159]

Northern announce plans to install automatic ticket gates at Reddish South and Denton stations.

Don't forget about Ardwick & Clifton

 

[Quakkerillo]

To improve customer satisfaction on newly DOO routes on Southern Rail, GTR have decided to change the automated announcements to be voice recordings of the US President Donald J Trump.
Southern Rail Boss Charles Horton:

"We've heard overcrowding has become a serious issue at times, especially when parts of our staff members are on strike. We hope we can alleviate this issue by changing the announcement voice to President Trump, as this will make a lot of people change their mode of transport to another method."

 

[deltic]

Amateur metal detector discovers Britain's Strategic Steam Reserve in as yet unnamed location - said Paul Nuttall aged 40 "I got this loud pinging noise on my headset so I knew is was a big one but I couldn't believe when I got digging, first one locomotive then another and before I knew it there was a whole field off them, A4 Pacifics, Castles, 9Fs - you name it there was at least a couple of each type?"

 

[fowler9]

Amateur metal detector discovers Britain's Strategic Steam Reserve in as yet unnamed location - said Paul Nuttall aged 40 "I got this loud pinging noise on my headset so I knew is was a big one but I couldn't believe when I got digging, first one locomotive then another and before I knew it there was a whole field off them, A4 Pacifics, Castles, 9Fs - you name it there was at least a couple of each type?"

Ha ha, love it.

 

[Gathursty]

BTP to pay for rapid response train to deal with emergencies.

 

[AndrewE]

Immediate progression of reinstatement of the Waverley route south to Carlisle?

 

[sk688]

All train fares to be frozen permanently

Charles Horton praised by RMT for DOO views

The RMT announce that they will cease to go on strike

Thameslink delivered on time

Euston demolished and Euston Arch rebuilt in its place

HS2 to be cancelled and GCML reopened

LM announce " no shortformed trains" for longer than 24 hours

GTR sets new record for customer satisfaction

Indian Railways purchase 49% stake in Virgin Trains

 

[Busaholic]

New trains for GWR will actually be tri-mode, with drop-down hull enabling the Dawlish section to be traversed without the need for wheels on track.

 

[Bevan Price]

To celebrate International Naturists Day, all TOC's have agreed that anyone travelling without clothes on 25 June will be allowed to travel free.....

 

[kevconnor]

local councillors and MP's critcise local campaign group looking to open a former line/station closed under beeching. in a joint statement they cälled the scheme 'fanciful' and 'pie in the sky' adding that the 'prohibitively high cost' would be a 'waste of public resources.'

 

[kevconnor]

northern announce plans to break with tradition and employ someone to clean their träins once in a while.

 

[Xenophon PCDGS]

RMT announce their affiliation to the Conservative Party and their General Secretary appointed as Minister of Transport with immediate effect.

 

[Xenophon PCDGS]

GTR released from their current rail operations in order to diversify in basket case manufacturing

 

[OuterDistant]

Due to high winds, the overhead lines north of Hitchin are being packed away and stored for the rest of today.

Passengers wishing to use electric trains are advised to bring their own.

 

[Peter Sarf]

Roger Ford says in March Modern Railways (p30) that acceptance of the first class 800 has moved to 2 February from 17 May.
Apparently there are still no issues with electrical interference on the Tilehurst-Didcot test section of Series 1 OHLE.
The DfT has also contracted normal power (560kW rather than 700kW) on the GWR IEPs, to maintain current HST running times.

Apologies to the original poster . I just found it on the Class 800 thread and......

 

[HH]

Thameslink delivered on time

There's fake and there's FAKE! You're going to have to find a time machine to make that one come true.

 

[Clansman]

You deleted most of your post!

Didn't want it to drag on...
a fake headline is plenty already

 

[Groningen]

Scotrail trains are always running on time due to Donald Trump.

 

[fowler9]

The Daily Mail reports that despite people being warned not to travel today it is a disgrace that train services did not run as normal. They are investigating several left wing groups and Muslim extremists who are suspected of causing this chaos.

 

[Bevan Price]

Wales announces they have ordered new stock of 150 new 3-car DMUs to replace all their existing stock

s

But fails to reveal that the new trains will be 4-wheel, non-bogie stock without toilets.

 

[Cowley]

But fails to reveal that the new trains will be 4-wheel, non-bogie stock without toilets.

Designed to look slightly like 1980s buses for a more customer friendly and nostalgic look.

 

[Cowley]

New HS(M) scheme to be introduced over next sixty years.
"This time we've cracked it" says DfT.
Third lane of all major motorways to be replaced by high speed rail routes. No planning required. People probably going that way anyway. 250mph trains overtaking 50mph restricted cars in lanes one and two will be too much for drivers to take, forcing them to buy train tickets for journeys and thus leaving cars at home.
Some kind of decent crash barrier to be invented nearer the launch date.
HS(M)5 Exeter to Birmingham route first to be launched. New tunnels to be built under Birmingham New Street. Earth from tunnels to be put in another new tunnel to keep everything tidy.

 

[causton]

Earth from tunnels to be put in another new tunnel to keep everything tidy.

That was the bit that did it for me

 

[deltic]

Following Tory win in Copeland by-election government promises nuclear powered trains to be introduced immediately with random services being equipped with Trident. Missiles as a deterrent to anti social behaviour

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Seen on PIS at Batley: "Please note, this train is formed of 10 carriages instead of 2 today".

 

[Dai Corner]

Welcome aboard the 0600 Bristol Temple Meads to London Paddington via Bath Spa. This service will be electrically powered throughout.

 

[341o2]

Announcement today at Brockenhurst

"Passengers are advised that the next departure from platform 4 will not now stop at Lymington Pier"

The Swanage railway proposes to restore a regular service between Swanage and London Waterloo

 

[3141]

A retired senior railway manager now living on the Isle of Wight has suggested that the road above the Undercliff west of Ventnor, closed as a result of landslips, could economically be replaced by a tramway along the route of the former Ventnor West branch. The line could be easily extended into the centre of Newport, and if a branch was constructed towards Freshwater and The Needles it would give a much-needed boost to tourism in that area. As well as passengers the proposed trams would be able to convey parcels and agricultural produce, which would give the scheme an estimated BCR of 7.4:1.


TfL is reported to be considering a scheme to introduce 9-car trains on the Northern Line. A spokesperson said: “When we last looked at this idea, back in 1937, we failed to take advantage of its full potential, because we only lengthened platforms at stations in the open towards the end of the line. At stations underground, where the need for extra capacity was greatest, the 9-car trains stopped with the end two cars in the tunnel. But now that extending stations that are in tunnels to take 9-car trains is so much cheaper than building an entirely new line, we hope to press ahead with this project as soon as possible, i.e. by about 2035.”
However, a UKIP spokesman slammed the report as “yet another example of TfL’s outdated Metropolitan thinking”, and promised to build an underground system in Stoke-on-Trent instead.


A non-party political think-tank is suggesting a review of the entire Beeching Report, which could lead to the restoration of thousands of miles of railway track axed in the 1960s. “We believe the technology now exists to reinstate these lines at minimal costs,” said a representative who asked us not to reveal his name. “With hundreds of trains across the network due to be replaced within the next few years they can be cascaded to these restored lines, so they can be operated for next to nothing, apart from a small initial outlay to convert them to DOO.”
Asked how he proposed to get the proposals onto the public agenda, the representative said his group’s political neutrality would enable them to offer their scheme to the party that offered the highest bid.
But for some, these proposals do not go far enough. “Why stop at Beeching?” demanded a representative of REAL (Railways Everywhere At Last, a back-to-the-past pressure group). “There are lots of lines that were closed before Beeching, and it would be discriminatory not to reopen them too.” When our reporter commented that restoring those lines as well might make the proposals too expensive, the REAL representative declared “It’s public money isn’t it? So they should spend as much as the highest estimate and then some, and make it future-proof!”