Again, I repeat, that was all the choice of the parents. You shouldn't expect anything from the child. If the child gets on with the parents and enjoys their company, that's all fine and dandy, but there should be no expectation whatsoever.
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Not Wanting to go home
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Again, I repeat, that was all the choice of the parents. You shouldn't expect anything from the child. If the child gets on with the parents and enjoys their company, that's all fine and dandy, but there should be no expectation whatsoever.
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HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
I know I feel old when I sit back and watch the children squabble here
SS4
Established Member
Maybe so but that is simply the consequence of OP's parent's decision to reproduce. That's not even going into what happens if the OP's parents are not like you and your wife.
OP is the only one who can make the decision but I would like to point out that contrary to popular belief there is nothing wrong with spending Christmas alone and anyone who chooses to do so should not be forced to feel guilty, ashamed or depressed to name three simply because society says you MUST be social and visit family.
Platitudes like "enjoy it while you can" and "at least you have a family" are condescending, not helpful advice.
HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
Assuming, of course, it was the choice of the mother...
RichmondCommu
Established Member
So are you therefore suggesting that the world would be a better place without the OP, or for that matter yourself. That we would all be better off if the two of you hadn't been conceived?
You seem to be ignoring the fact that parents have an emotional attached to their children. Assuming that the OP hasn't been abused by his parents it would be reasonable to assume that he would have a similar attachment to his parents.
RichmondCommu
Established Member
What I would say is that if you choose to live your life with the bare minimum interaction with other human beings, let alone your own family you will end up being lonely and miserable. Until you realize that life is passing you by and then it will be too late as people will have given up on you. Apart from your parents who are desperate to help but are constantly shunned. Choose life or choose to be the OP.
If you are not born, that avoids all possible traumas, and definitely avoids the fact that you will die, which could be immensely painful. And you don't know what happens after death. My best guess is that you have eternal peace, but for all we know there could be hell for everyone.
You can't assume that. A child's brain may simply be wired in a manner that means that no matter what the parents did, he may still be unhappy. Your parents are not in control of everything that happens in your life so if there is a source of great unhappiness elsewhere, that could have been avoided if the parents had behaved differently, and so arguably you would be justified in cursing the parents for that.
SS4
Established Member
Are you saying is that the OP's choice is objectively the wrong one? It comes across that why when you can "choose life" but have that choice be mutually exclusive with the OP.
For all we know OP does not go through life with minimal interaction instead spending time with people they prefer the company of instead of their family because of the verbal abuse and grief I shall get from my parents and siblings, if I don't go home. Already had two missed calls. Will no doubt get more grief tomorrow!
Sounds like a right barrel of laughs doesn't it?
RichmondCommu
Established Member
I'm suggesting that if the OP continues to lead his life in the same way (and given that he's already admitted that he's "introverted") then he will end up a sad and lonely old man with very few if any friends. Not to mention breaking the hearts of his family who only want to help.
When the chips are down the one group of people that you can rely on are your family. More than anything else their love is unconditional.
I would love to know how the OP defines "verbal abuse" or for that matter "grief". I'm not so sure that we're getting the full picture here and I don't suppose we ever will.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
So would you much prefer it if you had never been conceived? Life is very seldom all about trauma and instead all about what you make of it. Yes being placed on earth is not your decision but why not make the best of things?
So because an off spring has made itself unhappy that is the fault of the parents? And so according to what you're typing if the OP's parents hadn't conceived him (in other words the parents had behaved differently rather than having sex) then we wouldn't be discussing him. Well I must say its hard to argue with that!
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trainophile
Established Member
I feel sorry for anyone who never has a "glad to be alive" day, but we don't know that this is the case here.
The OP must want to 'belong' to something, or he wouldn't have joined this forum, for one thing. He has shared his feelings with us, and is probably quite shocked at the negative replies.
Maybe he is fine most of the time, and the rest of his life is good, but his family and he do not see eye to eye. It happens.
The OP must want to 'belong' to something, or he wouldn't have joined this forum, for one thing. He has shared his feelings with us, and is probably quite shocked at the negative replies.
Maybe he is fine most of the time, and the rest of his life is good, but his family and he do not see eye to eye. It happens.
I don't see how you can go wrong if you aren't conceived, as you can't miss what you aren't aware of. For example, suppose there was a choice of being born in this world, or another world where there are no downsides. I can't miss not being born in that other world, because I am unaware of its existence, and it may not exist at all.
Obviously there is no choice now but to make the most of it! Life is a mix of trauma, happiness and various degrees in between and the amount of each is down to the luck of the draw.
Obviously many people are born with depression, and no matter how much care and love given by everyone else, the depression remains, which may even lead to suicide, no matter what everyone else in the world does.
Why would someone make themselves unhappy on purpose? Obviously other people can cause you unhappiness, for example someone deciding to end a relationship with you. That is a simple example on how someone else can make you unhappy, rather than causing it yourself. Some people commit suicide when that happens.
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RichmondCommu
Established Member
I'm not sure that being born with depression is in anyway "obvious" but I would agree that in some cases, even after help depression will never entirely go away. However by making the most of your life and actively seeking help at the first sign of a relapse depression can be conquered.
In all honesty from reading certain threads on here and my experiences of certain people away from this forum it does appear that some people are determined to be miserable. With that kind of mindset its inevitable that you will struggle / find it very difficult to make friends let alone find someone to have a relationship with. And without friends and someone to love its hardly surprising that people are depressed although of course that is not the only cause of depression!
I concur that the end of a relationship can cause great sadness but more often than not its because you were with the wrong person in the first place. My Dad was depressed when he split up with my Mum but rather than rolling around in his own misery with the help of his family (yes that's right the love of his family, take note OP) and his friends he set about sorting his life out. As opposed to doing what the OP chooses to do and become an introvert and shut himself away from his family.
What I mean is, there exists (obviously) a genuine illness called "depression".
RichmondCommu
Established Member
I feel sorry for anyone who never has a "glad to be alive" day, but we don't know that this is the case here.
The OP must want to 'belong' to something, or he wouldn't have joined this forum, for one thing. He has shared his feelings with us, and is probably quite shocked at the negative replies.
Maybe he is fine most of the time, and the rest of his life is good, but his family and he do not see eye to eye. It happens.
Right lets get something straight here, being a member of a forum is not real life. In all honesty I'm not really sure why the OP chose to start this thread but nevertheless in doing so it was inevitable that he would receive responses that don't agree with his stance towards his family. Not only that but I don't think you could call any of the responses on here "negative". Honest yes but certainly not "negative".
Its hard to see how his life could be considered to be good given that he has freely admitted to being "introverted". You don't have to be the 'life and soul of the party' to have a happy life but it would certainly help if you were prepared to allow other people in to your life.
HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
I have the cure for "introvertness" - six pints of Yorkshire bitter and a day out on some pacer
90019
Established Member
Not everyone requires the company of others.
To believe that someone who isn't social can't be happy and have a good life is somewhat naïve.
RichmondCommu
Established Member
I concur however with some well directed help depression can be beaten or at least be pushed right to the back of your mind. I wouldn't wish depression on anyone but I have no time for those who decide to wallow in their own self pity as opposed to doing something about it. And for what its worth that doesn't include posting your thoughts all over this forum for strangers to read as that won't get you anywhere. Calling the Samaritans would be far more productive.
For the life of me I cannot begin to comprehend why the OP thought it would be a good idea to start this thread.
bb21
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Isn't that a rather big assumption?
I think calling another forum member pathetic while knowing nothing about his/her circumstances is rather condescending, and self-righteous, don't you think?
RichmondCommu
Established Member
Its not being naive, its being realistic unless you choose to start to talking to yourself. Without human interaction you are simply missing out on so many things, including loving relationships. And then it comes down to the basics; who's going to help look after you when you get old if you have no friends and ignore your family? Of course you can exist without human interaction but you will end up being miserable.
HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
Or end up being the Admin here
Seriously, though, if the OP is introverted why did he join this forum in the first place? Surely talking and meeting others is the worst thing for an introvert
RichmondCommu
Established Member
No I don't think it is. In all honesty what kind of responses do you think the OP (and for that matter radamfi) was expecting to get by posting what he did? I would suggest that he / she was simply seeking attention in which case I have very little time for them.
If his parents / family have abused the OP in the past then that of course is a very different matter but in posting on this thread we can only go on what the OP has told us.
I feel very sorry for anyone who suffers from depression but self help is always the best medicine.
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sprinterguy
Veteran Member
I would suggest that six pints of Yorkshire bitter is the perfect cure for a wide variety of common ailments!
HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
I would suggest that six pints of Yorkshire bitter is the perfect cure for a wide variety of common ailments!
Thats true...
Lets not forget the day out on the pacer!
sprinterguy
Veteran Member
As much as I enjoy the notion of building a big bonfire and getting thoroughly hammered in deference to a pagan solstice festival that has subsequently been adopted by the Christian belief system exhibiting an attitude of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em", I personally can't see three more important reasons for celebrating Christmas.
Christmas is often the only time of the year when all, or many, members of not just an immediate but an extended family are able to sit down together for a shared experience. Certainly, it is the only time of the year when I seem to stop moving long enough to see the majority of my family members all at the same time.
If you come from an abusive or otherwise dysfunctional family situation, it is understandable that you would not wish to return to that. Other than that, though, in the transient, fleeting nature of our time in this world I feel that it is those people around us whom we cherish and respect - be it friends or family - and their ability to impart some element of wisdom, knowledge and love upon us that is most important, and in turn our own ability to impart a portion of the same unto the next or a future generation and so create an unbroken chain of shared experience that is far greater than the sum of our individual lives.
As I grow older, and the older generations of family grow frail or pass away, I increasingly feel that it is important to spend time with those around me (and not just at Christmas), as those older family members are generally a mine of personal experience and family history, and you can never ask them those burning questions that occur to you after they have gone.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
Very true, I will after all be doing both over the next couple of days (although I think many would argue that a day out on the Pacer would detrimental to one's mental and physical health!).
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HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
What you said
Well if you happen to be in the Northern area of operations, let me know and maybe we can meet up... Might even manage to get the good chaps and lassies at Northern Rail to play around with allocations and get a few more pacers out - normally they are very good at that sort of thingVery true, I will after all be doing both over the next couple of days.
sprinterguy
Veteran Member
After family, tackling the three course assault represented by Christmas dinner, with gravy thick enough that you could build something with it and it would stand for a thousand years, is my next favourite thing about Christmas.
HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
After family, tackling the three course assault represented by Christmas dinner, with gravy thick enough that you could build something with it and it would stand for a thousand years, is my next favourite thing about Christmas.
Mine is watching Her Majesty at 3pm and followed by uncasing my box set of The Worst Witch with a big decanter of brandy
sprinterguy
Veteran Member
I'll be out on the Tyne Valley at some point, doing a combination of Pacers and pubs. With the seeming state of disarray that the route seems to be facing at present (closed west of Hexham, although fortunately me and my lot are only interested in the section east of there), and more poor weather set to come, I doubt that there's going to be a lack of either, unless things get really bad!
HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
I'll be out on the Tyne Valley at some point, doing a combination of Pacers and pubs. With the seeming state of disarray that the route seems to be facing at present (closed west of Hexham, although fortunately me and my lot are only interested in the section east of there), and more poor weather set to come, I doubt that there's going to be a lack of either, unless things get really bad!
If you want a good and almost certain booked 142 turn, get the 1632 from Middlesbrough
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