GatwickDepress
Established Member
I wish there were trains running so I'd be able to get to work. No resentment towards railway staff, I understand the need for rest and for engineering work, it's just an idle wish.
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Not Wanting to go home
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I personally hate Christmas for a number of reasons and I think having a go at the OP saying he should be grateful he has family to visit is a bit off. I hate being told when to enjoy myself, I hate being told when I should do things for my family, I hate that I work in a job where everyone else who is off work still expects everyone else to carry on as normal so they can have a great time, I hate the consumerism, I hate the fact that Christianity highjacked a festival but most of all I hate the bloody music. Ha ha. Other than that I am not actually a total misery.
I wish there were trains running so I'd be able to get to work. No resentment towards railway staff, I understand the need for rest and for engineering work, it's just an idle wish.
In a way it's a blessing. Lots of employees (retail workers for example) can "get out" of working on Boxing Day, by saying "sorry no buses or trains running on Boxing Day, so can't get into work".
If trains WERE running tomorrow, i guess my employer would expect me in for work, and I wouldn't be able to use that excuse.
Yeah, it wasn't a blessing for me. I offered to work the late for a colleague yesterday because they couldn't get home afterwards. While in work yesterday I discovered they could have got home. To be honest I don't mind since I basically had to do nothing after two O'clock and a very god mate picked me up at 8 in his taxi for free.
GatwickDepress
Established Member
True, I suppose that's the charitable benefit of no transport services, although it's still frustrating!
Not everyone is a family person. Why hang out with people you don't like or hardly know just because you are related to them? Personally, I put friends above family. Certainly, Christmas does put unnecessary pressure on people to do things they would rather not do.
That's very pleasant and understanding of you - it's a Christmas Miracle!
It's worth being aware that social withdrawal is often a telltale sign of depression. And sometimes being with family can actually be quite toxic, for all sorts of reasons.
However, there's really no point in upsetting them if it can be avoided. Maybe one day you will actually want their company, and it may be too late by then if you don't take steps to keep a positive relationship.
Perhaps explaining that you didn't feel well enough to travel may smooth things over a little.
Pretty much sums up my thoughts, the pointless ritual of buying people presents that they don't really want, I've no problem buying presents for kids but if I really wanted another pair of gloves or whatever I'm quite capable of buying them myself. The pressure to stuff ourselves with food and drink and then in a weeks time we'll have new years eve, an even more pointless event. I'll just be glad when it's all over!
pointless ritual, indeed. Especially having to stuff ones face with food! Not even hungry. My family think I'm selfish.
ExRes
Established Member
I think you're pushing the boundaries a little, do you really think that Christianity has anything whatsoever to do with the consumer driven extravaganza that uses the title 'christmas' nowadays ?
Bletchleyite
Veteran Member
Maybe you are being a bit. If it makes them happy for you to be there, why not do it for them?
Christianity does come in to it, our glorious leader mentioned it in his Christmas message. I believe I covered consumerism as well.
Making yourself unhappy to make someone else happy isn't a reasonable thing to do.
If amateur wants to be alone on Christmas Day then fair play to him/her.
the only reason why i do go (when i do), is just to keep everyone quiet.. not cos i want to be there
I work with a chap who has a very complicated relationship with his mother. He will often tell us about it and he is very funny. It all stems from when his father died at a young age. Now there is another chap in work who is a bit old school who tells him he should be grateful and not talk like that, I think he is bang out of order because he has no idea what this guys relationship with his mum is like. I lost my mum 10 years ago and would do anything to have her back, but I got on with her. I have another friend who now lives in New Zealand and has no intention of ever speaking to his parents again. Both of these cases are probably very different to what the OP is going through, as I have mentioned I find Christmas a pain and it isn't because I don't like my family. Everyone is different.
trainophile
Established Member
I think it depends whether you see your folks much during the rest of the year. If you do, and you just hate Christmas and all the travelling palaver at that time, then I'm sure they would understand.
However if you never bother to see them, there is the possibility that you will effectively disown your family in due course, and they won't have much option but to reciprocate.
If you haven't fallen out with them over something major, I do think it is better to maintain some sort of relationship. They won't be around forever.
How would you feel if your dad said "let's not invite amateur this year, he's not going to add anything to the occasion"?
However if you never bother to see them, there is the possibility that you will effectively disown your family in due course, and they won't have much option but to reciprocate.
If you haven't fallen out with them over something major, I do think it is better to maintain some sort of relationship. They won't be around forever.
How would you feel if your dad said "let's not invite amateur this year, he's not going to add anything to the occasion"?
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HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
Exactly... the OP could very well find himself not invited to a whole host of things and then, when certain family members have died, regret saying things to them without a chance to make amends and build bridges
My sympathy for your predicament is evaporating by the second!
To be fair, 455, I lost it before finishing the first post he made
Bletchleyite
Veteran Member
It can be. It doesn't make me happy to attend a funeral, for instance (I find it hard to see people I care about very upset), but it makes other people happy that I do, so I go.
Does the OP really not derive any pleasure from his family being happy to see him? If not there are deeper issues than just Christmas.
Well there could be all kinds of reasons why the OP doesn't want to go home. If it is just because he can't be bothered then it could be something that comes back to haunt him. If it is due to one of many reasons such as irreconcilable differences then perhaps it is not a bad thing.
DarloRich
Veteran Member
Edit - it is Christmas - live and let live
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Talk about being deliberately obtuse. :roll::roll:
Smudger105e
Member
I disagree. Nothing obtuse about the statement. It was a perfectly valid comparison with the OPs situation.
RichmondCommu
Established Member
You sound like a right barrel of laughs. I wonder whether your parents have ever wished that they couldn't have been "assed" to make you in the first place.
In all honesty I think you only posted this in order to seek attention which is pretty pathetic when you think about it.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
Oh really? Heaven know's why.
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HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
Indeed - my thoughts also
Geezertronic
Established Member
I wish I had parents who cared and who wanted to see me & my family (and not only at Christmas). The OP should consider themselves lucky because we're not all that lucky tbh (plus my parents live 10 minutes away and still don't care)
He owes his parents NOTHING. He didn't ask to be born. People have children because THEY want to, not as a favour to the offspring.
backontrack
Established Member
And what would you rather do? Live or have no life?
This is starting to go off-topic, so I will just say this: Christmas is a time of happiness, and you should have the right to spend it however you wish. Don't forget that there may be personal reasons for the OP not to head home.
However, you should still count your blessings. People on this thread are not saying 'consider yourself lucky' to be self-righteous or to bully or belittle you. They're actually speaking from experience. And to help you.
So you can spend December the way you wish, but you need to at least respect the opportunities you have. You don't have to take them, you can stay how you are if you want to. There's no pressure on you to change.
I would agree with the views that those above have said. I don't agree with you, but, as DarloRich says, live and let live.
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90019
Established Member
Personally, I'm not too fussed either way.
RichmondCommu
Established Member
Oh don't be so pathetic. If the OP's parents are anything like my wife and I they will have raised their child, loved him, fed him, gone a long way to educate him and perhaps made financial sacrifices in order to support him. In return I don't think its too much to ask for him to spend a day with the family who love him. Not to mention in his Mum's case having carried him around for nine months.
Thankfully the vast majority of people in this world are not the miserable so and so that you are. You might well be counting down the days until old age / cancer etc ends your life but for everyone else this world and all its wonders are there to be enjoyed. I take that you have nothing to do with your long suffering parents.
The day you have something cheerful to post on this forum will be an event in its self.
HMS Ark Royal
Established Member
That will be the day they build new pacers then
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