'' Dear Brother or Sister,
In enclosing your ballot paper for election of a new leader of our great party, the Labour Party, I've been asked to pen a few words so you can better optimise your choice for the good of this wonderful country of ours, and ensure there will be no return to the dark old days prior to New Labour when, for the information of those of you too young or stupid to remember, the skies fell in upon themselves and those dark satanic mills abounded.
Due to an unfortunate clerical error, the name of Corbyn,J. has inadvertently crept onto the ballot paper. Obviously, this was never intended, least of all by the man himself, and, as it is too late to expunge it, I would implore you to utterly ignore it. A vote for him would return us to those days where rats roamed the streets and pestilence was not only abroad, but right here in this country. As Brother Blair has rightly observed, all Hell and Damnation would be visited upon us should the unthinkable happen, and he should know! Brother Blair incidentally broke his monastic silence especially to warn us of this impending catastrophe, and he has only charged us a special low rate of £100.000 plus CAT (Cherie Added Tax) to impart his message.
Don't forget, a vote for Corbyn now will only bring a minus vote at the next General Election as, not only will all votes for a Corbyn-led party be given to the Tories but they'll count double for the Tories thanks to a special law being passed by Prime Minister Johnson just prior to that election.
So, vote now for Burnham, Cooper and Kendall - yes, you'll find you can vote for all of them simultaneously and, let's face it, you can't tell the difference between them, can you?!''
)
