Why not just say 'excuse me'?

[WestCoast]

I can't really see the problem to be honest, not everyone conforms to certain ideals of "politeness".

In these type of situations, I actually find that many more people use such pleasantries in the UK than in other parts of the world. Elsewhere non-verbal communication seems stronger and a nod of the head passes for thank you.

Also, two people apologising when one has bumped into the other is a very British thing I've noticed.

 

[Islineclear3_1]

Manners and niceties cost nothing. And most people these days have some understanding of non-verbal body language

(rant on) And as to how "hard the youth of today has it" as an earlier poster put it, what has this got to do with it? The youth of today can easily show simple manners. If the "youth of today" was more pleasant and less aggressive then it might just be possible that they may have an easier time in life. The trouble with the "youth of today" is that many of them want everything handed to them on a plate without even a please or a thank you in return (rant off)

And from a youth's perspective, I am of the elder generation born with simple manners

 

[fgwrich]

I would say that it is partially area dependant as well as person dependant. For example, I was on a SWT 159 last week down here in the south and people look and wait until you've got up or walking down the aisle to the doors before boarding. Unlike a recent trip to Birmingham were, as I had my phone on charge and was fairly close to the vestibule, waited till the train was arriving into the platform to join the queue to get off. But even with a 10 minute layover people were so keen to board that they were just forcing there way onto the Pendolino while people where trying to get off, even to the extent they were just pushing past a family with folded buggy to get on. :roll:

As for the original post, I can see where your coming from and understand. I will either normally go for the window seat if I'm on a longer distance or end to end service - Winchester to Birmingham or Reading to Basingstoke for example, or I'll sit on the inner seat if I'm making a shorter journey. If I need to get up, a simple excuse me and sorry I will be back in a moment or excuse me and thanks if I'm getting off a few minutes before we arrive into the station. Simple and easy, and sometimes I'll mention where I'm getting off if they are in a talkative mood.

 

[DaleCooper]

(rant on) And as to how "hard the youth of today has it" as an earlier poster put it, what has this got to do with it? The youth of today can easily show simple manners. If the "youth of today" was more pleasant and less aggressive then it might just be possible that they may have an easier time in life. The trouble with the "youth of today" is that many of them want everything handed to them on a plate without even a please or a thank you in return (rant off)

Just last week I was on a bus with a load of school children and as a result of their youthful boisterousness I was lightly jostled by the boy sitting next to me. He immediately turned to me and said, rather sheepishly, "I'm sorry". The youth of today!

 

[1e10]

May not be a confidence issue. On a number of occasions I'll sit in the window sit with a stranger on the aisle seat. If I want to get out to the toilet etc, I'll say "Can I get out a minute please" and "thanks" after they've moved. If I want to get off a station, sometimes I'll get my bag ready and wait a bit, I don't want to have to move them if they're going to get off at the same stop as me but aren't as eager as I am.

 

[DownSouth]

Manners and niceties cost nothing. And most people these days have some understanding of non-verbal body language

(rant on) And as to how "hard the youth of today has it" as an earlier poster put it, what has this got to do with it? The youth of today can easily show simple manners. If the "youth of today" was more pleasant and less aggressive then it might just be possible that they may have an easier time in life. The trouble with the "youth of today" is that many of them want everything handed to them on a plate without even a please or a thank you in return (rant off)

And from a youth's perspective, I am of the elder generation born with simple manners

And of course, unless you were born at the age of 60, there was a time when you were a "youth of today" at the time.

Most things would have stayed roughly the same over the period of time between when you were a "youth of today" and when you became "of the elder generation" because every generation makes the same complaints with just minor changes to the details.

One thing that has changed, however, is that tinted glasses are now available in many colours and not just rose. You should check them out.

 

[scott118]

Just last week I was on a bus with a load of school children and as a result of their youthful boisterousness I was lightly jostled by the boy sitting next to me. He immediately turned to me and said, rather sheepishly, "I'm sorry". The youth of today!

I hope you then trod on his toes, elongated his satchel strap and told him to " F.off ", then chased him down the street, flicking him the occasional 'bird', as he was much faster than you, the cheeky so and so.....ppff kids.

If you was in the aisle seat, did you ignore or acknowledge him i wonder..

 

[DaleCooper]

If you was in the aisle seat, did you ignore or acknowledge him i wonder..

I was by the window and he got off first so I was spared that dilemma.

 

[bramling]

Manners and niceties cost nothing. And most people these days have some understanding of non-verbal body language

(rant on) And as to how "hard the youth of today has it" as an earlier poster put it, what has this got to do with it? The youth of today can easily show simple manners. If the "youth of today" was more pleasant and less aggressive then it might just be possible that they may have an easier time in life. The trouble with the "youth of today" is that many of them want everything handed to them on a plate without even a please or a thank you in return (rant off)

And from a youth's perspective, I am of the elder generation born with simple manners

As someone who is now what would be called "middle aged", and brought up in an environment where I regard myself as well-mannered, I find it can quite often be some of the older people who show the absolute worst manners - quite often to those who they see as being somehow 'below' them, e.g. young people or those working in customer service jobs.

I'd say manners are an individual thing, but the idea that elder generations are somehow better mannered is, in my experience, completely wrong. In fact, I'd say quite often the reverse is true.

 

[Islineclear3_1]

And of course, unless you were born at the age of 60, there was a time when you were a "youth of today" at the time.

Most things would have stayed roughly the same over the period of time between when you were a "youth of today" and when you became "of the elder generation" because every generation makes the same complaints with just minor changes to the details.

One thing that has changed, however, is that tinted glasses are now available in many colours and not just rose. You should check them out.

As this is a direct pop at me (and sorry to the forum for going OT) but a) I am not 60 and I do not need glasses - especially rose tinted ones.

I was born with manners and I expect the same of others

 

[DaleCooper]

I was born with manners and I expect the same of others

Born with manners, remarkable, I had to learn mine so I don't meet your expectations.

 

[Retorus]

As this is a direct pop at me (and sorry to the forum for going OT) but a) I am not 60 and I do not need glasses - especially rose tinted ones.

I was born with manners and I expect the same of others

What a load of nonsense.

 

[Flamingo]

I'll spend my time squeezing past people standing up (for whatever reason) and usually say "excuse me", or "sorry, can I get past". I save "Coming through, mind your backs" for the urgent times!

On occasions I am trying to get to the door panel, and get a response of "I'm getting off in a minute, you can get to it then", or "I was here first". Once, after being told "No, I'm the customer, show some manners", I had to wait for about thirty seconds until I could attract the old gentleman's attention away from the door handle he was tugging at to inform him that he wouldn't be able to open it until he let me get to it first. (Mind you, it was funny listening to his curses as he pushed against the central locking bolt!)

 

[fowler9]

I'll normally say "sorry mate, can I squeeze past". It is always in a friendly way and with a smile. Never had a problem. Had a few funny looks in Spanish speaking countries where I said sorry as it seems a much stronger word. People could always tell from my face I think that I wasn't being rude.

 

[Tangent]

On Up southeastern trains entering London Bridge, this is a dilemma that frequently occurs, as many people in window seats will be getting off, while several others will be going onto points west (or Cannon Street at the moment). Generally, most people do seem to shift without waiting for the request when they people in the seat next to them preparing to get off, and I usually do so myself when travelling onward in an aisle. When getting off at London Bridge myself, I prepare first, and only then make the request if the person hasn't moved already, for the reason EssexCommuter gave earlier.

In my view, moving without prompting is a courtesy, and should not be expected - but most people on my line do offer it. What is really rude is not offer a word of thanks (as has happened to me at least once this week). One possible reason why 'excuse me' is offered is that some occasionally assume you are attempting to strike up a conversation with them.

 

[fowler9]

On Up southeastern trains entering London Bridge, this is a dilemma that frequently occurs, as many people in window seats will be getting off, while several others will be going onto points west (or Cannon Street at the moment). Generally, most people do seem to shift without waiting for the request when they people in the seat next to them preparing to get off, and I usually do so myself when travelling onward in an aisle. When getting off at London Bridge myself, I prepare first, and only then make the request if the person hasn't moved already, for the reason EssexCommuter gave earlier.

In my view, moving without prompting is a courtesy, and should not be expected - but most people on my line do offer it. What is really rude is not offer a word of thanks (as has happened to me at least once this week). One possible reason why 'excuse me' is offered is that some occasionally assume you are attempting to strike up a conversation with them.

Heaven forbid someone should try and strike up a conversation with me on the way to work. I'd probably just start crying. Not a morning person. Ha ha.

 

[TUC]

By deliberately ignoring them you are no better than they are.

Just to be clear, I[m not talking about where someone has clearly packaged their bags ready to get off. I mean on shorter distance journeys where they haven't had anything to pack and where, to be honest, it's not always very clear whether they are intending to get off or not, What are you meant to do, go and stand in the aisle on the off-chance that they do want to get off?
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

"Excuse me" is just a conventional form of words whose meaning bears no relation to its usage (rather like "pardon me") therefore another phrase such as "I'm getting off here" should be just as acceptable as long as it's not said aggressively.

'Excuse me' is a normal convention used for getting past people. If someone needed to get past others who were blocking the pavement, they would say 'excuse me' rather than just barge through. It's a similar use of the phrase to the train situation. At the end of the day, it's not whether it's those words or some others. It's the courtesy of asking to get past.

 

[DaleCooper]

'Excuse me' is a normal convention used for getting past people. If someone needed to get past others who were blocking the pavement, they would say 'excuse me' rather than just barge through. It's a similar use of the phrase to the train situation. At the end of the day, it's not whether it's those words or some others. It's the courtesy of asking to get past.

You've just agreed with me.

 

[HSTEd]

Saying excuse me involves talking to people.
Talking to people is scary.

 

[northwichcat]

Saying excuse me involves talking to people.
Talking to people is scary.

Much easier to send them a message on Facebook.

 

[DaleCooper]

Saying excuse me involves talking to people.
Talking to people is scary.

Much easier to send them a message on Facebook.

Some humour at last.

 

[GodAtum]

Interesting comments. I would never speak to a sttanger in public so use non-verbal communication. Just a look into the yes and a nod will do the trick.

What is a minor annoyance is when people block the entrance to 1st class on a 377, it seems they dont expect anyone to want to go in :roll:

 

[DaleCooper]

Interesting comments. I would never speak to a sttanger in public so use non-verbal communication. Just a look into the yes and a nod will do the trick.

What never, how do you manage in shops, on buses, at a ticket office, how do you ask directions or tell someone they've dropped their wallet etc. etc.?

 

[GodAtum]

What never, how do you manage in shops, on buses, at a ticket office, how do you ask directions or tell someone they've dropped their wallet etc. etc.?

I suppose unless necessary (ie I wont strike up small talk).

 

[misterredmist]

I dare say it is because you do not need to talk, require manners or any etiquette to utilise i-pads, i-phones , lap tops, MP3's ......

some day there'll be no conversation at all , just grunts !

 

[Flamingo]

I dare say it is because you do not need to talk, require manners or any etiquette to utilise i-pads, i-phones , lap tops, MP3's ......

some day there'll be no conversation at all , just grunts !

You obviously don't have any teenage children...

 

[scott118]

What never, how do you tell someone they've dropped their wallet etc. etc.?

or indeed their railcard, in that inappropriate wallet that they are issued in, from a booking office, near to you....

 

[talltim]

I say 'excuse me' if I need to pass by someone on a Dublin Train or Bus, which always gets me a funny look. The Irish use 'sorry' as their preferred phrase, instead of 'excuse me'. The years i've lived here and I still cannot get my head around it. What have you got to be 'sorry' for?

Sorry for inconveniencing them
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
It does (mildly) annoy when people in the window seat ask to get out 10 minutes before the station, when I am getting off at the same place.
I know they may not know the route, have bags to collect etc, but they aren't going to get any further than the aisle anyway cos of the people standing in it.

 

[Wolfie]

I remember reading it somewhere that it is down to the general population getting less and less comfortable interacting with a stranger. Can't say whether I agree with it or not.

A little mutual understanding is all that is needed in those situations. I don't think deliberately ignoring the passenger in the window seat is a good idea when the signs are obvious that he wished to move out, and climbing over someone because they are not automatically moving out of the way for you is certainly childish and just asking for trouble.

Now that I agree with.

As someone who is now what would be called "middle aged", and brought up in an environment where I regard myself as well-mannered, I find it can quite often be some of the older people who show the absolute worst manners - quite often to those who they see as being somehow 'below' them, e.g. young people or those working in customer service jobs.

I'd say manners are an individual thing, but the idea that elder generations are somehow better mannered is, in my experience, completely wrong. In fact, I'd say quite often the reverse is true.

Some elderly folk with a sense of entitlement are positively vile!

What are you asking me to "excuse me" for? I need to get past you. Either you can let me out, or I can climb over you. My current practice is to state "I'm getting out here", and leave you to decide which alternative you prefer.

Talk about "me", "me", "me"...

It's called basic politeness and manners - I suggest that you get some! To adopt the same level of attitude, why assume that I care enough about you to even notice you?

Climbing over me is quite possibly likely to receive a rather physical response...

 

[RichmondCommu]

Saying excuse me involves talking to people.
Talking to people is scary.

Although it would be nice to think that one day you will meet the girl (or depending on your sexual orientation a boy) of your dreams in which case you will need to have the courage to talk to them! Just saying that's all
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Just to be clear, I[m not talking about where someone has clearly packaged their bags ready to get off. I mean on shorter distance journeys where they haven't had anything to pack and where, to be honest, it's not always very clear whether they are intending to get off or not, What are you meant to do, go and stand in the aisle on the off-chance that they do want to get off?

However as soon as they attempt to get out of their seat surely it becomes obvious that they want to get off at the next station.