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Why not just say 'excuse me'?

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TUC

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One thing which irritates me is the number of times i'm sitting in an aisle seat of a train with another passenger at the window but, when approaching their station, rather than say 'excuse me' the passenger just shuffles around and waits with an expectant look for me to move. What is so difficult about saying 'excuse me'?

I have to admit that sometimes I pretend not to notice them and wait to see how long before they make some verbal request to get past.
 
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Searle

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Because some people aren't as confident as you are, and people can have anxiety which inhibits them from doing things like this
 

TUC

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Some people will have anxiety, but this seems to happen too often for it to be just that. Moreover, i have the feeling that 20-30 years ago a lot more people would say 'excuse me ' and I would not have thought that there are more anxious people now than then.
 

RailAleFan

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I have noticed exactly the same thing. Instead of an "Excuse me", people dither and dally expecting you to notice that they want to get off and move for them.

Preferring aisle seating myself, I've become quite aware of it in recent years and if I see it happening I will ask if they are departing "here" (next stop) and make way for them.
 

Nicholas43

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What are you asking me to "excuse me" for? I need to get past you. Either you can let me out, or I can climb over you. My current practice is to state "I'm getting out here", and leave you to decide which alternative you prefer.
 

table38

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But then there's people like me who say "excuse me, can I get out, I just need to nip to the toilet" and then realise that's actually way too much information :)
 

scott118

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One thing which irritates me is the number of times i'm sitting in an aisle seat of a train with another passenger at the window but, when approaching their station, rather than say 'excuse me' the passenger just shuffles around and waits with an expectant look for me to move. What is so difficult about saying 'excuse me'?

I have to admit that sometimes I pretend not to notice them and wait to see how long before they make some verbal request to get past.

How ignorant are you? Pretending, ha..you'll be expecting a please and thank you next! what's wrong with the 'elder' generation these days, hoping that others will have the same polite manners as themselves..I don't think you fully appreciate how difficult it is for the 'youth' of today - never enough is done for them, no work, or if they are employed, they're not paid enough, no benefits to be had, too many foreigners here blah blah..have you any concept of how difficult it is, to ask someone, who can clearly see that are preparing to disembark? More so, knowing that they are throwing a deaf one, in a vain attempt to educate them, when even their own parents and schooling have all failed before. Do you ever ask them the question " are you getting off at the next stop, would you like me to move?". Standards..

When you leave your aisle seat, do you thank the persons next to you, for sharing your journey with them? Do you always wish them a good evening, upon your departure? Perhaps we could all do things differently. Perhaps we shouldn't be as judgemental as the next person.

earphones, mobiles, tablets, laptops, the world is a fast changing place these days. Few strangers will communicate verbally, regardless of the journey time..
 

bb21

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I remember reading it somewhere that it is down to the general population getting less and less comfortable interacting with a stranger. Can't say whether I agree with it or not.

A little mutual understanding is all that is needed in those situations. I don't think deliberately ignoring the passenger in the window seat is a good idea when the signs are obvious that he wished to move out, and climbing over someone because they are not automatically moving out of the way for you is certainly childish and just asking for trouble.
 

Spamcan81

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What are you asking me to "excuse me" for? I need to get past you. Either you can let me out, or I can climb over you. My current practice is to state "I'm getting out here", and leave you to decide which alternative you prefer.

It's just being polite but sadly politeness seems to be in decline these days.
 

DaleCooper

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"Excuse me" is just a conventional form of words whose meaning bears no relation to its usage (rather like "pardon me") therefore another phrase such as "I'm getting off here" should be just as acceptable as long as it's not said aggressively.
 

IanD

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What are you asking me to "excuse me" for? I need to get past you. Either you can let me out, or I can climb over you. My current practice is to state "I'm getting out here", and leave you to decide which alternative you prefer.

Because it's politer than saying "Shift your fat 'arris and let me out" or "I'm getting out here, if you don't shift in the millisecond after I've growled this phrase at you I'll climb over you". Manners cost nothing.
 

DaleCooper

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Because it's politer than saying "Shift your fat 'arris and let me out" or "I'm getting out here, if you don't shift in the millisecond after I've growled this phrase at you I'll climb over you". Manners cost nothing.

That isn't what Nicholas43 suggested, and "excuse me" can be said in an impolite manner. It's not the words that matter, it's the way they're said.
 

ChiefPlanner

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Even on the often crowded hell that is Thameslink - most people are very courteous - treat others as you would expect to be - a simple "please and thank you" does work .....little things that make life worth going through.......
 

TUC

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"Excuse me" is just a conventional form of words whose meaning bears no relation to its usage (rather like "pardon me") therefore another phrase such as "I'm getting off here" should be just as acceptable as long as it's not said aggressively.

But 'excuse me' in the context of getting past people is no new meaning for the phrase. I can remember being taught to use exactly that as a child (and being told off by a teacher when I didn't do so.), although i agree that there are other phrases that will also do.
 

DaleCooper

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But 'excuse me' in the context of getting past people is no new meaning for the phrase. I can remember being taught to use exactly that as a child (and being told off by a teacher when I didn't do so.), although i agree that there are other phrases that will also do.

Exactly, you and I were taught to use it as children so it has become ingrained and the actual meaning of the words is lost. What would "excuse me" mean to someone whose first language isn't English?
 

EssexCommuter

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It's a question of timing.

I will always pack up my belongings before saying excuse me. If I say excuse me first, the person in the aisle seat stands up straight away and is left standing whilst I pack up. However if I start packing up, they generally get the hint and ask if I'm getting off. If they didn't, I would say "excuse me, I'm getting off". Me not saying "excuse me" straight away is actually out of consideration, rather than the opposite.
 

Bedpan

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Yes, surely its a short version of "I know I'm disturbing you from your snooze/book/chat etc, so I would be grateful if you would please EXCUSE ME for any disturbance/inconvenience I am causing you by asking you to move in order to allow me to get past you to leave the train. I assume that the body language of the person uttering the two magic words will be sufficient for the recipient to know that they want to get past them and are not merely saying excuse me for some other reason such as, for example, because they have passed wind.
 

edwin_m

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Exactly, you and I were taught to use it as children so it has become ingrained and the actual meaning of the words is lost. What would "excuse me" mean to someone whose first language isn't English?

The French and German equivalents appear to be moreorless the same phrase, although I don't know if they are used in the same context.
 

northwichcat

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But then there's people like me who say "excuse me, can I get out, I just need to nip to the toilet" and then realise that's actually way too much information :)

Not necessarily. Saying they're going to the toilet implies they'll be back. Saying excuse me 3 minutes before arriving at a station doesn't indicate anything.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
The French and German equivalents appear to be moreorless the same phrase, although I don't know if they are used in the same context.

Italians have a word 'scusi' which sounds a bit like 'excuse me' and you would use it in the same way as 'excuse me' if you were approaching a stranger to ask for directions. However, if you want to say 'excuse me' as in 'I want to get past' you should say 'permesso'
 
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Camden

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Some people will have anxiety, but this seems to happen too often for it to be just that. Moreover, i have the feeling that 20-30 years ago a lot more people would say 'excuse me ' and I would not have thought that there are more anxious people now than then.
When I'm getting off the train, if it isn't obvious that I'm getting off, then naturally you would get a polite "excuse me please" of the sorry to bother you kind.

If it is obvious I'm getting off (by me packing my things and putting my coat on) then I would expect the person next to me to pro-actively move as soon as I turn. Just as I would do for them. It's the politeness of not needing to ask, because you've already pre-empted my need and obliged me without prompt.

If is is obvious that I'm getting off and you've simply ignored me, of course you'll also get an "excuse me please" however, depending on whether I think you're purposefully ignoring me or just a bit ignorant generally, it will range from a "I'm going through the motions of politeness but I don't really care about bothering you" kind, though to a top of the range "get out of my way immediately" toned variety of "excuse me" (which I'm quite capable of delivering sufficiently well to shift most obstacles).

The turn, look and half-smile, reciprocated by a half-smile and acquiescence, is all part of the charm of travelling in our still reasonably half-civilised country where people like their boundaries and respect other people's, and where people generally co-operate without being forced (or sometimes even asked).
 
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TheEscapist_

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When sitting at the window and someone is at the Isle, I always say 'excuse me please' and then thank them for moving. Why? Cause it's polite. Manors are so simple yet make things more pleasant.
 

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UK visitors - and we get plenty en Thameslink en route to Luton Airport can work out the basii niceties - and a bit of help in assisting them with their journey works a treat - even on a dark Winters night - (having asked them to move out of the way ! - nicely) works well in the sense of "2 more stops from St Albans to Luton Aiport Parkway) - I am sure they appreciatate that - it costs nothing - much as people overseas have done the same to me in the past on the S-Bahn or Metro / Subway......

We all get on together - with a bit of respect - challenging though on the Piccadilly lne with 30+ Italian students with rucksacks...
 

Hornet

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I say 'excuse me' if I need to pass by someone on a Dublin Train or Bus, which always gets me a funny look. The Irish use 'sorry' as their preferred phrase, instead of 'excuse me'. The years i've lived here and I still cannot get my head around it. What have you got to be 'sorry' for?
 

sheff1

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Is there an automatic assumption that the person speaks English ?

When travelling in countries where I don't speak the language I find a brief mumble, accompanied by a slight nod towards the aisle, invariably works.


I say 'excuse me' if I need to pass by someone on a Dublin Train or Bus, which always gets me a funny look. The Irish use 'sorry' as their preferred phrase, instead of 'excuse me'. The years i've lived here and I still cannot get my head around it. What have you got to be 'sorry' for?

Exactly the same as whatever it is you want them to excuse you for.
 
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sbt

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Its called 'Non Verbal Communication'.

We use Non Verbal Communication every day without even thinking about it - its why we don't bump in to each other on platforms or generally walking around.

A conventional set of words that may not be heard well enough to be understood without raising your voice are not needed. Admittedly the not being heard thing was far worse on older, noisier, trains but it can be an issue today. And in modern times understanding what you said may require someone to remove their earphones, with the near inevitable tangle (for people who haven't developed the tricks I have to avoid this).

'Excuse Me' said sarcastically is so often used as a rebuke that I avoid using the phrase unless I mean a rebuke. Why insist on someone saying something that could be taken the wrong way? Why is it impolite for them not to ask verbally but polite for you not to act like 99% of the population and move without being asked?

If you are in the Window Seat the really polite thing to do is to choose a moment when the person in the Aisle Seat is not settled into something else and the noise level is low, such as when the train is stationary and they have just sat down, and say 'I'm getting off at X'. That way they know ahead of time when they are going to have to move and can get themselves sorted out for it in plenty of time or even that they don't need to get worried at each station because they are going to get off before the person beside them needs them to shift. Its what I do - but I don't get in a snit about it if I'm sat on the aisle and the other person doesn't do as I would do.

Above all, why get annoyed about something so small. There are so many things that other passengers can and do do that are genuinely rude, or even dangerous, like stacking their luggage on a seat on a crowded train so nobody can use that aisle seat in the first place or barging onto a train whilst people are getting off, that getting all angry and obstructive over such a small thing seems downright silly.

Are you sure that what you are really doing isn't looking for a reason to be angry with the person that is preventing you from having the pair of seats all to yourself? Or just a reason to be angry full stop?

In short, 'why not just get up'?
 
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Starmill

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I have to admit that sometimes I pretend not to notice them and wait to see how long before they make some verbal request to get past.

Wow.

What do you look like? So I can make sureI never have to sit next to you on a train!

Part of the responsibility of taking an aisle seat next to someone is to be prepared to move to let them out. The least you can do is be respectful of that, rather than displaying the even worse example of manners in ignoring them.

Don't like it? Stand. Or go by taxi - no need to sit next to anyone then.
 
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SPADTrap

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Its called 'Non Verbal Communication'.

We use Non Verbal Communication every day without even thinking about it - its why we don't bump in to each other on platforms or generally walking around.

A conventional set of words that may not be heard well enough to be understood without raising your voice are not needed. Admittedly the not being heard thing was far worse on older, noisier, trains but it can be an issue today. And in modern times understanding what you said may require someone to remove their earphones, with the near inevitable tangle (for people who haven't developed the tricks I have to avoid this).

'Excuse Me' said sarcastically is so often used as a rebuke that I avoid using the phrase unless I mean a rebuke. Why insist on someone saying something that could be taken the wrong way? Why is it impolite for them not to ask verbally but polite for you not to act like 99% of the population and move without being asked?

If you are in the Window Seat the really polite thing to do is to choose a moment when the person in the Aisle Seat is not settled into something else and the noise level is low, such as when the train is stationary and they have just sat down, and say 'I'm getting off at X'. That way they know ahead of time when they are going to have to move and can get themselves sorted out for it in plenty of time or even that they don't need to get worried at each station because they are going to get off before the person beside them needs them to shift. Its what I do - but I don't get in a snit about it if I'm sat on the aisle and the other person doesn't do as I would do.

Above all, why get annoyed about something so small. There are so many things that other passengers can and do do that are genuinely rude, or even dangerous, like stacking their luggage on a seat on a crowded train so nobody can use that aisle seat in the first place or barging onto a train whilst people are getting off, that getting all angry and obstructive over such a small thing seems downright silly.

Are you sure that what you are really doing isn't looking for a reason to be angry with the person that is preventing you from having the pair of seats all to yourself? Or just a reason to be angry full stop?

In short, 'why not just get up'?


I think it says more about the OPs attitude than anyone else. If someone shuffling around says to the OP they want out/off at the next station that shows non verbal communications work and that the OP is aware of its meaning but chooses to be awkward until they're spoken to!

If you understand what the passenger is subtly trying to say to the point where you know to 'ignore them' then why be an idiot? Sounds to me like you're the one with the problem!
 
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RichmondCommu

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One thing which irritates me is the number of times i'm sitting in an aisle seat of a train with another passenger at the window but, when approaching their station, rather than say 'excuse me' the passenger just shuffles around and waits with an expectant look for me to move. What is so difficult about saying 'excuse me'?

I have to admit that sometimes I pretend not to notice them and wait to see how long before they make some verbal request to get past.

By deliberately ignoring them you are no better than they are. I dare say that if you were clearly not aware that they wanted to get off at the next station they would say something. I'm really not sure why you think this is an issue.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
I remember reading it somewhere that it is down to the general population getting less and less comfortable interacting with a stranger. Can't say whether I agree with it or not.

I'm 49 this year and generally avoid talking to strangers, especially on public transport. If someone asked for help or was in distress I would do all I could to help them but I'm not one for general chit chat with strangers.
 
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