Adoption and Fostering by non-standard couples

[Nym]

Well, carrying on what was an inresting conversation in a previous thread.

Well, you can have long term fostering, or rest bite fostering, I would quite like to do either of these.

Only one I don't think i could do would be emergency fostering, but the long term one sounds like it coul be fun, basicaly looking after them until they'd normaly be leaving home anyway

 

[devon_metro]

My personal view that it is not fair on the children to have a family consisting of two men/women.

 

[Nym]

Why isn't it fair?

You can't express a view that extreme without giving reasons...

 

[me123]

I partially agree with Liam. You're losing the either the male or the female influence the child receives depending on the gender of the couple.

However, as long as the child were able to talk to someone of another gender (such as a family friend or auntie/uncle), I think that there is nothing wrong with homosexual adoption, and I can only hope that it becomes welcomed into society.

 

[devon_metro]

You can't express a view that extreme without giving reasons...

Hardly an 'extreme' view considering how contraversial the topic is...

 

[Gizmogle]

I can understand what Liam and me123 are saying, but still, there are alot of kids out there who have no male/female figure in their household because they have died/left/parents divorced.

Two men or two women are perfectly capable of raising a child. It's always good for that child to be around people of both sexes, but I'm sure the child would still turn out fine.

The other obvious problem is that the child will most likely be bullied for having same sex parents. If the child was adopted or fostered at a more mature age, then they would probably not like having same sex parents. I'm by no means homophobic, but as I've been raised by opposite sex parents, I'd be pretty freaked out if I was adopted by a gay couple. It'd just be weird...not what I'm used to.

*Shrugs* That was all a little waffly and rambly, but you get my point.

 

[richa2002]

Why isn't it fair?

You can't express a view that extreme without giving reasons...

Every child should have a father/mother figure, if not, it's proven that there is more chance of the child going off the rails so to speak or getting into trouble if they don't have one of those 'figures'... The idea that everyone should be equal and have equal rights sounds all lovely and perfect on paper but some cases in society can have bad effect.

 

[Mojo]

"Research has shown that the adjustment, development, and psychological well-being of children is unrelated to parental sexual orientation and that the children of lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish" - American Psychological Association

"The vast majority of studies show that children living with two mothers and children living with a mother and father have the same levels of social competence. A few studies suggest that children with two lesbian mothers may have marginally better social competence than children in traditional nuclear families" - Canadian Dept. of Justice

Studies have consistently shown that children raised by same sex couples behave, for the most part, within normal sex stereotypes.

It is true that a small minority of single-parent households include children that are "likely to be less socially competent," but there is no difference in two parent households depending on the gender of those parents.

 

[Gizmogle]

I bet kids with gay parents do much better than kids whose father/mother left during their childhood. Which is hardly uncommon is it. How many people do you know whose parents are aren't together.

On the positive side, surely children raised by gay parents are going to be much more open minded to such things.

Also, kids that were bullied at school seem to turn out much better than the kids that did the bullying.

 

[Nym]

Gizzy: I can imagine them in the playground, "My dad would batter your dad" etc..
"yeah, but my dad would shag your dad, and your dad would enjoy it"

Liam: Would you rather be raised in a less conventional home (I can't say normal because that isn't even on washing machines any more), since most fostering is taking children out of very bad homes, or 'children's homes'.

So in short, It takes 6 months to make sure you're suitable for taking kids, and it never affected my other half's kids, gay couple and being raised on a farm...

 

[Ascot]

Doesn't seem something that is a big fuss really, if they want to go ahead and adopt let them as long as the kid is healthy, happy and respected then that's ok.

 

[Nym]

And I would think that perental compitance would be more important than gender...

 

[Mojo]

It's also worth noting, there would be little effect on the child at school, how would their peers know what life is like at home?

 

[Nym]

Well, it's usualy only one pearent that picks them up, no matter the genders of pearents, the nuclear sterotypes stick. One works less hours and does the day to day cares, the othe rworks silly hours and does the fun things on a weekend or helping with homeowrk etc.

 

[Gizmogle]

Definately. Gay couples also have to go through alot more trouble to get a kid as well, whether it be through adoption, fostering or a surrogate mother. So it shows that they obviously really want a child, and have the time to prepare for it all.

With the way things are today, alot of kids are born into the "chavvy" type families, who are swearing and drinking. I know it's stereotypical, but it's true. Alot pregnancies are drunken mistakes, or the result of unprotected sex, and the parents aren't often ready for children.

Obviously this isn't the case with all families, but still...situations like this are increasing all the time.

 

[class 313]

I don't think two dads or two women should be parents as their actions could rub off on the child. Yeah sure the two parents wont mind their children growing up gay or lesbian. In fact it would probably make raising the children up easer.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go all out on trying to stop such actions happening. I just think, in my opinion that two dads or two mums wouldn't be a good idea.

 

[Nym]

thats the idea of restbite care, take em off their mother of the weekend so that they can have a break, theres a lot of young pearents that are part of the restbite scheme

 

[Tom B]

I wouldn't say a *lot*, but I would say *some*. Just, those who are chavvy are more noticed than those who aren't.

 

[class 313]

With the way things are today, alot of kids are born into the "chavvy" type families, who are swearing and drinking. I know it's stereotypical, but it's true.

I disagree.

Because, yes there's a lot of chav family's around there is also a lot of "normal" family's around. In fact, I'd say there are more normal family's around. I guess it depends on where you live and what sort of area it is.

 

[Gizmogle]

Hmm...see, these people shouldn't be allowed kids if they're not ready for them. If they're not going to take full responsibility for their child, then they shouldn't have it in the first place! There's so many children born for the wrong reasons. "It'll fix our marriage", "I want a baby to dress up and play with!". It's idiots like that who are ruining our country. Their kids are the ones running around stabbing each other while their parents are busy smoking and drinking.

Gay parents who have gone through all the effort to have a child are going to be much better parents.

 

[Nym]

*hugs Gizzy

Like you more now, somone who speaks sense for once

 

[Gizmogle]

Hehe Yay.

I'm not sure if it's sense, I just like to ramble my opinions at you all!

 

[me123]

I can understand what Liam and me123 are saying, but still, there are alot of kids out there who have no male/female figure in their household because they have died/left/parents divorced.

Two men or two women are perfectly capable of raising a child. It's always good for that child to be around people of both sexes, but I'm sure the child would still turn out fine.

Probably, yes. But who does a girl turn to when she has problems? Her Mother. A boy? His father. Should one of these be missing, the child could feel very insecure. That's why before adoption, I as an adoption person (I don't know the real word ) would want to know that the child has access to people of a different gender to their parents.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Gay parents who have gone through all the effort to have a child are going to be much better parents.

Definately

 

[Jordy]

Gay parents who have gone through all the effort to have a child are going to be much better parents.

Definately

Can but agree there!

 

[Gizmogle]

Yes, but if a child is raised with same sex parents, then surely they're going to be comfortable talking to at least one of them about problems and such. I dunno...
I think it is a very good idea for same sex parents to allow their child to spend time with an adult (uncle, aunt, etc) of the opposite sex.

And besides, who here can tell their parents about their personal problems anyway?

 

[Jordy]

And besides, who here can tell their parents about their personal problems anyway?

Took the words out of my mouth there

 

[Mushroom]

Hmm...see, these people shouldn't be allowed kids if they're not ready for them. If they're not going to take full responsibility for their child, then they shouldn't have it in the first place! There's so many children born for the wrong reasons. "It'll fix our marriage", "I want a baby to dress up and play with!". It's idiots like that who are ruining our country. Their kids are the ones running around stabbing each other while their parents are busy smoking and drinking.

Gay parents who have gone through all the effort to have a child are going to be much better parents.

Good speech!

I usualy take a neutral stance on this. If the prospective adoptive parents are suitable, willing to make an effort and the child can cope then (in the sort term at least) there should be no problem. Problems may occur in long term fostering by same sex couples, with the lack of a father figure (or a mother firgure) in the house. But this again, I feel, is variable on the child's age, maturity and so on. A couple of any sort that is functional and willing is better than a dysfunctional 'standard' family, maybee even better as gizmogle points out above: who here can tell their parents about their personal problems anyway? Having someone trusting, loving and a good friend one can confide in can only be a benefit.

 

[me123]

Yes. I don't really talk to my parents; my Dad spends his life commuting from Aberdeen to Norwich And I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to my Mum about a lot of things (or my Dad for that matter), but it's nice to know they're both available on some form if I do have a problem.

That said, as I will probably move out by September, we are talking more than before. Probably because in October I could potentially live in Aberdeen or Dundee and coming home every weekend would be expensive to say the least.

Enough about me; I don't have gay parents (I unless there's something they've not told me )

 

[Gizmogle]

I don't think two dads or two women should be parents as their actions could rub off on the child. Yeah sure the two parents wont mind their children growing up gay or lesbian. In fact it would probably make raising the children up easer.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go all out on trying to stop such actions happening. I just think, in my opinion that two dads or two mums wouldn't be a good idea.

Their actions could rub off on their child? That's the case with any set of parents.

The majority of parents of straight, male and female parents. They have a child, and assume that child will be straight. That child will most likely assume they're straight, as they've been raised in an almost fully straight community.
My parents 'straight' actions obviously didn't rub off on me, and for quite a while, I was ignoring my feelings, as I just assumed I must have been straight. I didn't know any gay people, or what was going on in my head. It's not something I could talk to my straight parents about in fear that they wouldn't understand or be disappointed in me. My mother cried when I told her.

 

[me123]

The majority of parents of straight, male and female parents. They have a child, and assume that child will be straight. That child will most likely assume they're straight, as they've been raised in an almost fully straight community.
My parents 'straight' actions obviously didn't rub off on me, and for quite a while, I was ignoring my feelings, as I just assumed I must have been straight. I didn't know any gay people, or what was going on in my head. It's not something I could talk to my straight parents about in fear that they wouldn't understand or be disappointed in me. My mother cried when I told her.

From what I've heard (and that is very little, so I'm not assuming a full knowledge or anything) parents feel like they lose grandchildren they are yet to have at this point :? Don't know about the universal truth there, if it exists, but that's another pro of gay adoption.