Female Railfans (and why dating is difficult)

[DarloRich]

Are there any people reading this who have a girlfriend/wife/partner ?

may be the more pertinent question!

I find people are interested in the person not the interests OF the person! In any event compromise and some form of shred interests are the key to building a relationship. That and not going out at stupid o'clock to watch a train go by or going to the match rather than the friends party!

I mean unless you are the super geeky/slightly odd/ cant really dress or wash themselves type - and we all know that type of person seems attracted to an interest in railways (or buses or plains or ships or whatever) you will be fine.

 

[Drsatan]

may be the more pertinent question!

I find people are interested in the person not the interests OF the person! In any event compromise and some form of shred interests are the key to building a relationship. That and not going out at stupid o'clock to watch a train go by or going to the match rather than the friends party!

I mean unless you are the super geeky/slightly odd/ cant really dress or wash themselves type - and we all know that type of person seems attracted to an interest in railways (or buses or plains or ships or whatever) you will be fine.

True, it's possible to be in a relationship with someone who has different interests to you. In fact, I don't think I could be in a relationship with a girl whose sole interests were watching TV (especially TOWIE and chick flicks) going clubbing and bitching about her mates. Generally, interesting people get up to interesting things in their spare time (at work a few days ago I had a really long conversation about the problems in Freud's psychology!), not just watching episodes of Californication or Pretty Little Liars online, getting drunk and watching porn. The problem today is that there are too many boring people with whom you can only have trivial conversations with, which of course, makes you feel slightly insecure.

 

[Crossover]

Too bad for me it involves a 323

A trip to Cadbury World sounds like a good idea...just use the chocolate to smooth over the method of travel (who knows, a future partner may really like 323's )

But really, what is so difficult about talking to females, the only difficulty I have with ones that consider themselves attractive is that they're up themselves and thick as two short planks...

There isn't really I don't think. The thoughts others have mentioned about enjoying travelling and seeing new places is probably a good start, and you can see more from a train than if you are driving, generally. It probably won't be quite so offputting that way (one of my other interests of the railways is the mechanics and technology behind it, but then I am fairly geeky anyway. It has come with that that I now know the types of rolling stock, much the same way as I recognise quite a few cars too)

 

[Techniquest]

Just caught up with all the latest posts on this thread since Friday morning, lots of interesting ones of advice for sure.

All a matter of confidence it would seem, although I did eventually find out the answer to whether it'll ever go further with one of the girls I'm interested in today. The answer being no, because it would ruin our friendship. Probably true, although I ended up getting more booze down my neck (we were in Spoons at the time) and wanted more! Still, I have my answer at last, despite it not being one I was hoping for :cry:

As for the other one I'm interested in, at this time she's not aware (or at least I don't think so, I can't quite properly remember the conversation we were having at about 0400 this morning!) but I do know she's not looking forward to a relationship right now for multiple reasons. She also has a rule about not getting involved with people she works with, which sucks for me then! For the moment at least then, I'm not taking the chance of ruining our friendship, not worth it!

At least I'll still enjoy my nights out with my crew from work. Last night was an epic one, just under a month to go until the next one which promises to be even better! Might even find confidence to make a real effort

 

[Nym]

There isn't really I don't think. The thoughts others have mentioned about enjoying travelling and seeing new places is probably a good start, and you can see more from a train than if you are driving, generally. It probably won't be quite so offputting that way (one of my other interests of the railways is the mechanics and technology behind it, but then I am fairly geeky anyway. It has come with that that I now know the types of rolling stock, much the same way as I recognise quite a few cars too)

Good(ish) advice, but I don't need it on how to find a female...

Managed to attract someone who appreciates levels of geekyness and help with his homework

 

[bb21]

Managed to attract someone who appreciates levels of geekyness and help with his homework

Hardly surprising any more, seeing that "geek" may have started becoming a positive word.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20325517

Are 'geek' and 'nerd' now positive terms?
By Kathryn Westcott
BBC News Magazine

Campaigners in Sweden are trying to force a dictionary to change its definition of "nerd". But after two decades of "reappropriation" has "nerd" - and its sister word "geek" - now completely lost its derogatory connotations?

In the 1984 film Revenge of the Nerds the rousing final speech of one of the protagonists starts with the statement: "I'm a nerd."

Its plot may be cartoonish but the film reveals a certain cultural backdrop - to be a nerd was to be socially awkward, even socially inferior. Jocks, those who were good at sport, or other socially successful groups, usually ended up winning. To turn that on its head could form the basis for comedy.

Things have changed.

...

I know it's the BBC, but still ...

 

[chris89]

I've seen quite a lot of female volunteers on the SVR and always seem to grow.

My girlfriend knows im intrested in railways and all of that as i didn't make an attempt to hide it, Yes she thinks its funny sometimes but will show an intrest in it as well. As proven by dragging her around Model Rail Scotland earlier this year.

I don't spot or anything like that, she did find it funny i wanted to get Photographs of 91110 though of course, but she had a great time and like to go again to the SVR so must have done something successful :P

Chris

 

[Ivo]

I think in general they find it easy to talk to women but when its girls they like they find it hard to get that across to them with a fear of not wanting to look a tit.

This is more or less what I was thinking of, yes. So to spare me from having to write a thesis on the subject, not least because I can't be bothered and would just end up writing a TLDR bit at the end, I'll give you a link to a Wiki article which I *think* I have linked to before (albeit not for a very long time) and let you judge for yourselves: One of the references is to an article in The Sunday Times back in 2009, which concentrated on a friend of mine who lives in Whimple (see the attachment below). Sadly the article's writer has since committed suicide

In short, it's easy to talk to girls until you develop feelings for one - and it gets worse when you want to demonstrate that. You should have seen me on Thursday - I might have managed to ask my friend out, but it took me one room change, 20 tangents, at least six attempts and ultimately a good 30 minutes. To say "I like you, would you go on a date with me?".

Hardly surprising any more, seeing that "geek" may have started becoming a positive word.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20325517

I know it's the BBC, but still ...

Not convinced

 

[Techniquest]

Ivo,completely agreed.Been there,done that.Very difficult for me too

 

[YorkshireBear]

In short, it's easy to talk to girls until you develop feelings for one - and it gets worse when you want to demonstrate that. You should have seen me on Thursday - I might have managed to ask my friend out, but it took me one room change, 20 tangents, at least six attempts and ultimately a good 30 minutes. To say "I like you, would you go on a date with me?".

But did she say yes???

My girl, love her to bits, doesn't understand the hobby, but then again neither do most of my male friends. I see plenty of women at the KWVR they are a minority but its not like 1 per year....

 

[Crossover]

But did she say yes???

The clue is in earlier posts
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

I see plenty of women at the KWVR they are a minority but its not like 1 per year....

Looks like I need to come down to the KWVR more often :P

 

[RichmondCommu]

Hmmm. Now when I met my wife for the first time if I'd said "my name's Andrew and I like trains" she would have run a mile. My other interests; sport, music and backpacking experiences were far more socially acceptable to a girl in her 20's. After a few dates she began to notice that I knew a bit about trains but this certainly wasn't rammed down her throat *ahem*. So in other words, try not to be overly obsessive about your love of trains.

A lot of it also comes down to appearance. Now, if you fell out the tree and hit every branch coming down there is not much you can do about that (other than spend a lot of money in Harley Street). But some of the people that you see at the end of platforms are frankly an embarrassment to themselves. There is someone for everyone but you do need to make an effort to look presentable. You don't have to spend a fortune on labels but maybe some advice from a sister or female mate wouldn't go amiss. And if you’re scoffing too much junk food on your day trips start eating healthy options and maybe take up swimming. All these things will help.

Finally, what’s the issue with asking a girl out on a date? If you have the confidence to navigate yourselves round the railway networks of the UK and beyond, inviting a girl out for a drink can't be half as hard. And if she say's no then so what! It’s her loss and you'll find someone else. As I said previously there is someone for everyone, often when you least expect it!

 

[bb21]

And if she say's no then so what! It’s her loss and you'll find someone else.

I wonder if that's precisely the problem, with the fear of rejection being so great that it stops some people from trying.

To a certain degree, we all suffer from it, but as they say, "You don't ask, you don't get."

 

[WelshBluebird]

Finally, what’s the issue with asking a girl out on a date? If you have the confidence to navigate yourselves round the railway networks of the UK and beyond, inviting a girl out for a drink can't be half as hard.

If only this was true!
Navigating the rail network is child's play compared to navigating a woman's brain!

 

[D841 Roebuck]

Singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" at your local karaoke will get results.

You'll get things thrown at you.

The trick is dodging the bottles whilst collecting the knickers...
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

If only this was true!
Navigating the rail network is child's play compared to navigating a woman's brain!

Knowing the appropriate "easements" - which vary from woman to woman - can help!

 

[RichmondCommu]

If only this was true!
Navigating the rail network is child's play compared to navigating a woman's brain!

Now I have to be careful as my wife is taking an interest in this but there is no doubt that women can be complicated machines at times! Rejection always hurts for a while but that feeling never lasts long. As I said before, there is someone for everyone. And if there is mutual attraction, that is all that counts. Never worry about what others think!
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" at your local karaoke will get results.

You'll get things thrown at you.

The trick is dodging the bottles whilst collecting the knickers...

You really think you'll get knickers?

 

[sprite]

An ex of mine, whom some of you met a while back on the West Yorks challenge was interested in the railway. No where near as much as most of us. She did (does?) have an account on here I think. I didn't know about her interest until we had been dating a while and it sort of grew along side me being more and more open about my interest.

It was good to be able to go on train based days out (Model Rail Scotland, NRM, ELR and do the Scarbourgh Flier etc) but at the same time, it did mean I had less "me time".

My current girlfriend found out about my interest a bit after we started dating, her Dad is a bit of a transport enthusiast, but he prefers trams and busses. She is supportive to an extent, but wouldn't want to be seen stood waiting for a RHTT to pass with me. I don't blame her. The idea of going out on a steam train (eugh, kettles) for a day isn't verbotten.

Basically, don't let one interest of yours define who you are or how you see yourself and present yourself. If another person is worth your attention and time, they will accept your interests, however "odd" they may be. I am not a huge fan of some things that my girlfriend is a fan of but hey, that is life.

Finding girls is hard, just make sure you are in situations you feel comfortable in. I met a couple of my girlfriends in pubs. Don't go into a conversation with a girl with the aim of "I must get her number, I must get a date with her and we must grow old together" just talk to her. As for getting guys, I don't know how or why but they just hit on me. I am not of that persuasion but how are they to know before asking?

I never thought I'd be giving dating advice!

 

[D841 Roebuck]

Now I have to be careful as my wife is taking an interest in this but there is no doubt that women can be complicated machines at times! Rejection always hurts for a while but that feeling never lasts long. As I said before, there is someone for everyone. And if there is mutual attraction, that is all that counts. Never worry about what others think!
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---


You really think you'll get knickers?

Been there, done that, got the G-string

 

[Ivo]

This thread is getting both better and more ridiculous by the day

If only this was true!
Navigating the rail network is child's play compared to navigating a woman's brain!

Knowing the appropriate "easements" - which vary from woman to woman - can help!

Between the two of you guys, you have perfectly and rather amusingly summed it up.

To consider this from a personal perspective, I am confident in being to find my way around most things - not just the railway network, or even Britain as a geographical landmass, but a lot of other things as well. But there is no obvious route to consider or follow to a girl's heart - and there is a fear attached to this long and winding path. Another way to think of it is this: Which would you find easier; navigating a map or navigating psychology?

Of course, in the example from Thursday, as I am now aware my friend's Christian side effectively creates a barrier between myself and her heart - but this is irrelevant in comparison to having to circumnavigate the route in the first place. The barrier merely creates a dead-end.

 

[radamfi]

It might be worth mentioning that just getting a girlfriend isn't the be all and end all. Throughout school and university, getting a girlfriend was the only thing that mattered. When I finally got one, I was so happy for a while, but those feelings inevitably fade and it becomes more like a friendship. It took a long time to understand that it was normal and I only really starting to fully believe this as I approach middle age.

Basically, although it may seem hard to believe when you are young, getting a girlfriend isn't that big a deal in the end. If you look around at the married couples you know, it doesn't look that great. The need to compromise has already been mentioned. You can no longer do what you want. You may then have the nagging in-laws, an expensive and tedious wedding, and even more expensive children. Being single can be a great advantage.

Incidentally, I had to laugh at the excuses by girls mentioned in this thread.

'Don't want to ruin the friendship.'

'I don't get involved with people at work.'

They are simply well known ways of saying 'I don't fancy you'. Dating isn't actually romantic. It is essentially selfish and brutal.

 

[Techniquest]

Interesting way of looking at things there...However I'm not looking forward to having to see this one girl at work tomorrow!Oh well,whatever happens happens!

 

[WillPS]

Hmmm. This thread was an interesting read.

I have little to add other than many people are treating their enthusiasm as though they're a victim of it, and the 'victim' approach isn't attractive.

Be cool about it. Don't list it as the first thing when you're chatting about stuff you like. Maybe don't even mention it to start with. Don't define yourself as something.

 

[LE Greys]

Hmmm. This thread was an interesting read.

I have little to add other than many people are treating their enthusiasm as though they're a victim of it, and the 'victim' approach isn't attractive.

Be cool about it. Don't list it as the first thing when you're chatting about stuff you like. Maybe don't even mention it to start with. Don't define yourself as something.

Or, to use the old cliche, be yourself. If you even know who that is, I sometimes wonder.

 

[duffman82]

Hmmm. This thread was an interesting read.

I have little to add other than many people are treating their enthusiasm as though they're a victim of it, and the 'victim' approach isn't attractive.

Be cool about it. Don't list it as the first thing when you're chatting about stuff you like. Maybe don't even mention it to start with. Don't define yourself as something.

Totally agree, if you show your nervous and hard to show your feelings a woman picks up on this and it does put them off.

However showing your a confident guy who likes a chat and a good laugh impresses a girl, and if after an appropriate amount of talking throw in an line such as 'I've had such a good time, fancy doing this again over a meal' It will be a huge leap.

Having feelings is understandable but you need to play it cool basically and after going out a few times and judging her reactions you can throw in the I like you card and then go from there.

Hell my Fiancee knows I'm quite the Geek with my interest in railways, Video Games and Models. However its the fact i also discuss her interests and can hold a decent conversation is the main reasons she's still with me.

 

[Clip]

It also helps if you have a good line of patter too and maybe a few jokes in your repertoire.

Oddly enough I impressed me missus on our first date by setting alight to a bin inadvertently when emptying an ashtray at an outside beer garden.

But you shouldnt put pressure on yourselves when asking a lass out even just for a drink and even if you dont fancy her - just get used to it and the surroundings of doing so then you'll get the confidence to do it with one you like.

And poor jokes always work well

 

[Smudger105e]

inter city by Sam Tait, on Flickr

me and my nans god daughter in the early 90's

Nice pics of you, Mr Sam, you might know me batter as Smudger105e

 

[Roverman]

Don't get me started about women and dating! I'm on a website called Plenty of Fish which is full of single women allegedly looking for the 'one' they then list more terms and conditions than a Halifax Loan 'must not be after sex, must live within 75 miles, must not have messaged other women'. This epitomises to me exactly why they are single, they are too bloody fussy. Some even demand you send them an 'interesting' message!

 

[Butts]

Don't get me started about women and dating! I'm on a website called Plenty of Fish which is full of single women allegedly looking for the 'one' they then list more terms and conditions than a Halifax Loan 'must not be after sex, must live within 75 miles, must not have messaged other women'. This epitomises to me exactly why they are single, they are too bloody fussy. Some even demand you send them an 'interesting' message!

At least they are not asking for an "interesting picture"

Perhaps you should go down the "Polish/Eastern European" route ?

 

[Kernowfem]

Blimey!! feeling a little out numbered here!! We really aren't so complicated you know. Ok, by my own admittance we can be a damn right pain in the arse sometimes....but so can the male species

If a bloke had a problem with my love of railways, i'd simply ask them to either deal with it, or bugger off. The stigma attached to being a railway enthusiast sadly means that anyone with a love of rails is a sad anorak wearing friendless geek.

The truth is i've met some great people through the railway, none of which have any traits of the above. If someone doesn't like you just because of a hobby then hey ho...just be glad you aren't a shallow sheep!!

Just one piece of "womanly advice" stay the hell off plenty of fish....it has to be the worst online cattle market ever, my sister in law was on there for a year....it was entertaining to say the least.

Oh and IVO!! Don't worry, you'll meet the one when you least expect it. Trust me.

 

[radamfi]

If a bloke had a problem with my love of railways, i'd simply ask them to either deal with it, or bugger off. The stigma attached to being a railway enthusiast sadly means that anyone with a love of rails is a sad anorak wearing friendless geek.

It is a bit different for a woman enthusiast! You are in a great position if you wanted to meet a man with the same interest.