Different way to word disruption information

[RichardAsh1981]

Specifically, this is about an infrastructure issue on the Sheffield trams (relevant thread is probably https://www.railforums.co.uk/threads/sheffield-supertram-live-information-disruption-updates.306288/), but what stuck out to me was the way the update is worded. Not verbose, doesn't take long to read, but comes across as personal and conversational, whilst getting the necessary information across.

Oliver Coppard

A quick update on what's happened at Birley Lane. Yesterday morning, my team spotted an issue with the tram track in the area. They then suspended tram services whilst safety checks were undertaken...

www.facebook.com

Text is this:

A quick update on what's happened at Birley Lane.
Yesterday morning, my team spotted an issue with the tram track in the area. They then suspended tram services whilst safety checks were undertaken and have now uncovered what appears to be an old well beneath the line, which likely dates back to when the area was used for coal mining.
It looks like when this section of the Supertram network was built back in the early 1990s, the track was laid directly over it. As far as we can tell, it wasn't documented in the records we have today, so it’s a bit of a surprise…
As you’d expect, the most important thing now is making the area safe and fixing it properly. Unfortunately, that won't be a quick repair, but the safety of passengers and staff has to come first. We’re now also checking historic records for other potential wells in the area.
The good news is that work to replace the Delta Junction at Park Square is on track to finish this Thursday, four days earlier than planned. So most services will be able to return to their usual timetables on Thursday - running right through Sheffield City Centre to Meadowhall, Rotherham Parkgate, Middlewood, Malin Bridge and Herdings Park. But we’ll need to divert Blue route trams to Herdings Park instead of running to Halfway. We’ll keep the tram replacement bus service running from Gleadless Townend right the way down to Halfway to keep people moving.
I'm sorry for the disruption. I know how much people rely on the tram network every day. The tram team will share updates as the work progresses, explain what we're finding and how long repairs are likely to take. Thanks for bearing with us.

Apparently it is from the Mayor of Sheffield - I didn't recognise the name and I don't think it changes the point that I think it makes a refreshing change in getting information across without being stuffed shirt or jargon.

 

[styles]

That comment section is brilliant.

Supertram will be experiencing 'Miner' delays.

Here for all the 'experts' that think they can fix it in half a day with a shoelace, a couple of lollipop sticks, and some super glue.

I hate to be the one, but… “well well.”

See it, say it, fell in it.

Also the lad who says why not just concrete it, despite it taking about a month for concrete to take a full load over it.

 

[speedy1]

It has that modern condescending 'we know this is disappointing' vibe that annoys me.

Assumes all people will be upset, won't understand. Ie they let the loud minority / stupid dictate their tone.

And reads a tad unprofessional to me. And verbose

 

[HChip]

May be slightly unrelated but relevant to the title of this thread - I do think Great Northern/Thameslink deserve some praise for the way they announce the unfortunate railway incident of a person being hit by a train.

‘It is with great sadness that we report a person has been hit by a train between Potters Bar and Welwyn Garden City.’

Comes across as very respectful to anyone affected. Many other TOC’s simply say ‘Due to..’ or ‘A person has been..’.

Obviously, the others aren’t bad I just think GTR deserve praise for the way they do it.

 

[styles]

May be slightly unrelated but relevant to the title of this thread - I do think Great Northern/Thameslink deserve some praise for the way they announce the unfortunate railway incident of a person being hit by a train.

‘It is with great sadness that we report a person has been hit by a train between Potters Bar and Welwyn Garden City.’

Comes across as very respectful to anyone affected. Many other TOC’s simply say ‘Due to..’ or ‘A person has been..’.

Obviously, the others aren’t bad I just think GTR deserve praise for the way they do it.

I certainly think it's better than the cryptic, "Operational incident", or even, "Emergency services dealing with an incident".

Passengers want to know what's going on, and with everyone having social media and live news websites in their pockets, there's not much point trying to keep it vague anyway. Not to mention that while I'm sure there's always a few unsympathetic passengers on board, most are probably more reasonable in how they react if they understand the impact of what's happened.

 

[Western Gaffer]

May be slightly unrelated but relevant to the title of this thread - I do think Great Northern/Thameslink deserve some praise for the way they announce the unfortunate railway incident of a person being hit by a train.

‘It is with great sadness that we report a person has been hit by a train between Potters Bar and Welwyn Garden City.’

Comes across as very respectful to anyone affected. Many other TOC’s simply say ‘Due to..’ or ‘A person has been..’.

Obviously, the others aren’t bad I just think GTR deserve praise for the way they do it.

Each to their own but to me that style is verging on mawkishness, so I'd be happier with a simple factual explanation - no harm in prefacing it with something like 'unfortunately' but "It is with great sadness that we report..." comes across to me as insincere and unnecessary when an organisation just needs to be telling affected passengers what they need to know rather than (what seems to me to be) virtue signalling.

 

[Kilopylae]

Each to their own but to me that style is verging on mawkishness, so I'd be happier with a simple factual explanation - no harm in prefacing it with something like 'unfortunately' but "It is with great sadness that we report..." comes across to me as insincere and unnecessary when an organisation just needs to be telling affected passengers what they need to know rather than (what seems to me to be) virtue signalling.

I dislike entities that don't have emotions - like an automated announcement speaking on behalf of a faceless corporation - stating that they are "sad" or "sorry".

Like "Great Western Railway apologises for this late running". Well, one, no it doesn't, not in any active sense; it's a pre-recorded message. And an apology should come from a person - a driver, a member of platform staff - not from the royal "Great Western Railway".

So when it says "It is with great sadness": whose? Who is sad?

 

[vuzzeho]

I dislike entities that don't have emotions - like an automated announcement speaking on behalf of a faceless corporation - stating that they are "sad" or "sorry".

Like "Great Western Railway apologises for this late running". Well, one, no it doesn't, not in any active sense; it's a pre-recorded message. And an apology should come from a person - a driver, a member of platform staff - not from the royal "Great Western Railway".

So when it says "It is with great sadness": whose? Who is sad?

Presumably the staff. Right? I'd like to think nobody at GTR is tickled when someone is hit by a train. I recognise that it's a corporation but it's represented by a lot of staff on the ground who do have to face it and are presumably quite sad about it. Saying that over an announcement is respectful but also sort of provides an extra sense of compassion which (I imagine the thinking is) ideally rubs off on disrupted passengers, as something very upsetting has just happened. I think I would get the complaint more if everything was reported with 'great sadness' but when there's been a human cost, I think it's quite justified.

 

[MCR247]

I dislike entities that don't have emotions - like an automated announcement speaking on behalf of a faceless corporation - stating that they are "sad" or "sorry".

Like "Great Western Railway apologises for this late running". Well, one, no it doesn't, not in any active sense; it's a pre-recorded message. And an apology should come from a person - a driver, a member of platform staff - not from the royal "Great Western Railway".

So when it says "It is with great sadness": whose? Who is sad?

I kind of agree with your point generally - like when a station auto announcer says “we” apologise for any late running - but to me this is one of the few situations where it makes sense. The automated voice being the medium doesn’t make the situation any less sad. If Claude or one of these AI bots was announcing its own sadness then I’d probably agree with you

 

[Sakuradori]

I'm sure this has been highlighted in past threads but the problem with trying to write good disruption messaging is that even in this thread, one person says "I like this way" and another says "well I don't like that way". I think the original post is good, it has lots of information about the problem, what's being done, the possible implications, and setting expectations for a timeframe when there isn't a concrete number. I feel like the more information (without jargon), the better, since the average person will have a bit more of an appreciation for what's actually happening, as opposed to if they'd just said "due to repairs to the tramway".