Sure, policy is important. Personality, too, though some might not like it. What about the real issue thats already threatening to dominate the #GE2015 campaign? Im talking, of course, about the battle of the battle buses (or on-the-road-photo-op-mobiles, as they are now more correctly referred to).
The Conservative one has a patriotic red, white and blue paint job, and A BETTER FUTURE FOR YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND BRITAIN emblazoned boldly down the side. And for Spain, perhaps, where the coach was built, by a company called Irizar. Irizar, which used to be part of the Mondragon Cooperative Corporation, a federation of worker cooperatives, hailed as an alternative to capitalism? Exactly, that one.
Cameron means shrimp in Spanish (well, OK, its camarón, but its near enough, hes a shrimp to me), though Im not sure theres any significance in that. Or in the fact that this particular Spanish bus has previously been used by Watford football club. He Dave Shrimp has signed it, though in English, sadly. Why would you do that, sign a bus?
Inside, theres a lot of excitement as none of the people on it, apart from the journalists, has ever been on one a bus before. Hey, George, theres a kitchen, who knew? (Its very posh, the Tory bus.)
The Labour coach, a silver Mercedes, sounds posh, but isnt. A better plan. A better future, it proclaims. Worse facilities though, say the hacks at the back. Still, who needs a kitchen on the road when youve got two at home?
Election 2015 interactive: who is ahead in the polls where you live?
It has not been an entirely happy campaign transport-wise for Labour. Another vehicle in Eds armada, a Fiat Scudo Panorama minibus, broke down on the first day. It didnt even make it out of party headquarters before the AA had to be called. And there was the whole Pink Lady Van fiasco. Bad for business, bad for bussy-ness
no one is saying.
Nor are the Lib Dems (Stronger Economy. Fairer Society. Opportunity for Everyone) faring much better. Theirs very big and very yellow, like a massive butter going down the road got stuck in a narrow lane in marginal Oxfordshire. Come on, Nick, you know how to do a U-turn. The vehicle, very yellow inside as well as out, is made by a company called Van Hool, in Belgium.
Surely Ukip will have at least tried to go a little bit British for Nigels wheels Transit, Chieftain tank, something like that, for the Peoples Army Tour? No, its another bloody Mercedes coach, German to match the missus; thats not going to go down well with some of the party faithful, is it? I dont know, they come over here, marry us, get us reliably from A to B
Shame its not a Dacia, from Romania.
But thats not the only fighting vehicle in Nigels fleet. Theres another, another German as it happens
Panzer? Actually a purple Smart car. Just the two seats. Just like Ukip. For now
