Amusing myself with passengers

[mumrar]

I'm generally a very cheerful worker and quite often can be found entertaining the passengers when I have the time and opportunity to do so.

Today was an exceptional day for merriment :

Whilst working the 14:30 New St-Cardiff I went through for tickets after departing Uni and saw some poor young chap with his arm in a sling across his chest and his forefinger bandaged and strapped. But as I approached, all I could see was his finger sticking out into the aisle. So when I got to him I said "Did no-one tell you it's rude to point?". He laughed and we discussed how he had come about this injury (a whole other story!).

After departing Gloucester a young lady grabbed my attention, whispering to purchase a ticket from Newport to Swindon. She explained she was whispering because she had lost her voice. So I retorted "That's a shame, but it does come with some advantages. Are you married?" She and the few people close by laughed, and I had to explain that I'm not always so cruel, just today it seems.

When she had got her ticket I began to walk back to my cab, but got the most awful whiff of manure, as did the passengers judging by their groaning and holding of noses. Some of their expressions were priceless! When i got into the cab I announced "I'd like to apologise to customers for the foul smell as we pass through the English border country, but a farmer has been out close to the track with his muck spreader. I saw some of you giving me evil eyes, but it was not me!"

I could hear some general laughter through the cab door but then my driver, who's normally very quiet, decided I could't have all the fun and he announced "And this is your driver, and it wasn't me either!"

Even more laughter and I think a good feeling of humour was spread throughout the train. It's this kind of service that is so good, because it's free to all and it makes much more difference than a free cup of tea or a 230V socket ever could. I just feel sorry for the members of the 'iPod' generation (read i for ignorant) would have been blissfully unaware in their own world of noisy music, as they are to all the important announcements too.

 

[Coxster]

Shouldn't that be the 14:33 to Cardiff today, Matt Reminds me of the other day. There were some kids and parents heading up to London having a game of I-Spy that ended up with some of us in the carriage joining in (there were only about six of us in the carriage not travelling with the group of kids/parents anyway). Guard comes through checking tickets and must have been with us all for a good 15 minutes before he resumed his ticket check Even that was only after he'd warned the kids' parents not to cheat or they'd get chucked off at Clapham

 

[P156KWJ]

A guard called Neil on EMT back in March when I was on a dogbox from Lincoln to Grimsby just came and talked to the 6 or so of us that were on the train, no need for the PA

 

[me123]

I like it when the guards/TMs have a sense of humour; makes the journey more interesting.

 

[Mojo]

Even more laughter and I think a good feeling of humour was spread throughout the train. It's this kind of service that is so good, because it's free to all and it makes much more difference than a free cup of tea or a 230V socket ever could. I just feel sorry for the members of the 'iPod' generation (read i for ignorant) would have been blissfully unaware in their own world of noisy music, as they are to all the important announcements too.

I use my iPod when travelling as it drowns out the irritating announcements which are all over the railway these days; or even worse, the music from those morons who have their music player too loud or insist on playing it out loud from their mobile phone so everyone else can hear it

 

[AlexS]

There's a Shrewsbury bloke whose name is Dave if my memory serves correctly, he always rounds off his announcements at terminals with a rare for ex Central crew non text book 'make sure you stay safe, have a good day, and I hope you've enjoyed your railway travels.'

It's nice to see someone not doing the job on autopilot.

Then there was the chap last Tuesday who said he was on the last run of that shift and nothing had gone wrong so far, and therefore felt the need to dance down the platform to the train at Shrewsbury.

Needless to say his relief at Wolverhampton never appeared and the train was cancelled from there

Not such a good shift for the driver who then had to take the empty stock to Tyseley because the ferry driver was over at New Street!

 

[mumrar]

I use my iPod when travelling as it drowns out the irritating announcements which are all over the railway these days

That maybe the case but I've had many mp3 player users rant at me because they didn't hear my announcement about a unit swap or platform change. The worst bit being that they always finish with 'You should have come through and told me'

Well I'm sorry but I'm only paid guards rate and not that of your personal butler, so irritating as the announcements are, there's only one group of people who they are meant to benefit, the passengers.

I in no way am insinuating that this specifically relates to you Mojo, it is a generalisation

 

[me123]

According to the latest "Meet The Managers" at Scotrail, they are considering putting an auto announcement on about use of MP3 players. They also have the benefit of the scrolly screens.

 

[Jord]

Great to read mr mumrar!

 

[Mojo]

That maybe the case but I've had many mp3 player users rant at me because they didn't hear my announcement about a unit swap or platform change. The worst bit being that they always finish with 'You should have come through and told me'

Well that's fine if customers want to hear an announcement they should really be listening out for it.

But with the growing number of irritating announcements about how you should not feed your suitcase or allow train doors to smoke 30 seconds before departure; as well as those people who make a racket down the train, can you really blame them.

When I worked in Bristol (I finished there in August this year - so not long ago as you'd expect!) I used to travel on the same train every day and a group of us regular travellers would always talk to each other; having cakes when it was someone's birthday and giving out cards on special occasions such as one lady who got married and myself when I left.

I think it's good on you; we always used to talk with the Train Manager when we saw him and had a good laugh.

 

[Chilled Phill]

Being on of these "young people that listen to loud music", I guess I'll have to try and defend myself here.

Anyway, I don't really think I listen to music THAT loud, infact my Mp3 player isn't loud enough to drown out the noise of the 323's traction motors so I usually hear any announcements made by the conductor on services, not that I don't know my way 'round my route anyway.

I enjoy a bit of banter with the conductors as well, there was one gentleman who even let me go in the cab and went through some of the controls with me once, of course this being the trailing end of the unit. And then I remember having a conversation with him about why the train goes silent for a moment during certain parts of the line - I forgot what exactly he said, something about a "neutral phase" was all I can recall so if anyone wishes to shed any light, feel free. I think because of the three month break us Uni lot have during the summer, I think he must not recognise me any more.

Then again, I've also had the displeasure of meeting some rather unpleasant conductors in my time as well. This one girl had gotten onto the train after the conductor made the announcement about where the train was calling at and so she asked him when he came "is this train going to Chelford?" and he sighed rather impatiently and said "didn't you hear the announcement...?" in a way that suggested he wanted to add the words "you stupid girl" at the end.

I was going to suggest she go complain to Northern about his attitude but I find commuters tend to keep themselves to themselves and keep it that way, especially with me. Also, he wasn't wearing a nametag anyway so there wasn't anyway of recalling his name, all I could suggest was that I had an uncanny resemblance to Peter Stringfellow.

Anyway, I appear to have accidently done my own story...not taking anything off yourself mumrar all three of your stories made me laugh - nice to see there are conductors out there with a great sense of humour.

 

[Tom B]

But with the growing number of irritating announcements about how you should not feed your suitcase or allow train doors to smoke 30 seconds before departure; as well as those people who make a racket down the train, can you really blame them.

Exactly - this, not mp3 players, is the reason why people will ignore announcements. There's so much rubbish that people will begin to switch off to all announcments.

I'm sure every guard can't be delighted to announce that WiFi is free on NXEC trains; and if I've heard once that the buffet is closing for a stocktake, about an hour before the crew are coming off, I've heard it a thousand times...

 

[ungreat]

And then I remember having a conversation with him about why the train goes silent for a moment during certain parts of the line - I forgot what exactly he said, something about a "neutral phase" was all I can recall so if anyone wishes to shed any light, feel free.

That would be a neutral section mate...basically a dead section of overhead wire.You get these every so often where power supply changes from one feeder station to another.

 

[me123]

I'm sure every guard can't be delighted to announce that WiFi is free on NXEC trains; and if I've heard once that the buffet is closing for a stocktake, about an hour before the crew are coming off, I've heard it a thousand times...

"The buffet is now closing pending our imminent arrival into Glasgow Central". Announced upon departure from Haymarket :roll:

 

[devon_metro]

Its always nice to have a decent guard/catering staff. I'm sure many of you are aware of some of the legends in the shop on Cross Country

 

[Tom B]

Indeed, I'm unsure why it takes so long to do a "stocktake" - surely counting up three bags of the crisps that nobody likes, two mars bars and a can of Irn-Bru doesn't take that long?!

 

[me123]

It's an industry phrase which, roughly translated, means "The buffet will now be closed so I can sit back and have a nap".

Most NXEC buffets should close/open near Motherwell (for the Glasgow trains, anyway) or, for Aberdeen trains, on the Forth Bridge (there's a crew change at EDB). I've had people closing the buffet at Montrose, Kirkcaldy and (for Glasgow services) Haymarket. No way does it take 30-60 minutes for a stock-take!

 

[P156KWJ]

Indeed, I'm unsure why it takes so long to do a "stocktake" - surely counting up three bags of the crisps that nobody likes, two mars bars and a can of Irn-Bru doesn't take that long?!

stocktake includes float signing and net / gross profit calculations. I do it on a smaller scale on pres metals, pain in the back side sometimes especially when you've got extra money on the trolley and 2 seperate floats.

 

[me123]

It's simple arithmetic, and it should not take 60 minutes!

 

[68]

There is always the occasional passenger that likes to talk to much, when drunk....

 

[EE Type 3]

There's a Shrewsbury bloke whose name is Dave

You called?
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

stocktake includes float signing and net / gross profit calculations. I do it on a smaller scale on pres metals, pain in the back side sometimes especially when you've got extra money on the trolley and 2 seperate floats.

It's even more annoying when you have to count a whole days worth

 

[5872]

There was a guard whom I had twice from Bournemouth to Eastleigh and back, who first made an announcement about the big boat that was at soton that day, then on the way back about ponys and donkeys in the New forest, very entertaining!, and its all on video .

 

[Ilove165's]

On the Central Line one afternoon, and usually there's an auto announcment to say all change at West Ruislip, but that day, the driver came over the PA to announce:

'The next station is West Ruislip, where this train will terminate. Whoever you are, whatever you are doing, have a lovely evening and god bless. The next station is West Ruislip, all change please, all change'

Myself and the few othe people in the carriage couldn't help but laugh out loud

Sam

 

[O L Leigh]

I'd do something similar myself, but you just never know who is onboard. As strange as it seems there are punters out there who will have left their sense of humour at home and for whom a humorous announcement would be adequate reason to complain. There are also managers about who don't take very kindly to anyone stepping outside the company line.

O L Leigh

 

[P156KWJ]

When I did the fantastic job of going down the train at the diesel gala with a bin liner I sometimes say something like "any rubbish? Money included!" and some people really don't either get it or are friendly. Same with at the level crossing at Asher Lane, some woman enquired "How long will the train be?" (obviously meaning how long's it gonna be 'til I can get across) and my mate replied "ooh about 300ft I'd say" and got a load of abuse!

 

[O L Leigh]

I will make a joke with the punters if I'm having to go up and down the train to bodge together a repair to make it move. If they ask how long it takes I might answer "As long as it takes to get enough 50p pieces to feed into the meter. I will be passing around a hat shortly so please give generously".

O L Leigh

 

[EM2]

A few that I like to use on the station:
'Which platform goes to Radlett?' 'None of 'em, all the platfroms stay here!'
'How do I get to East Croydon?' 'Well, a train would be a good idea...'
'How long will the next train to Wimbledon be?' 'Four coaches.'
'What's the next train to Sheffield?' 'It's a seven-car Meridian (or the unit number, if I can see it).'

Keeps me amused...