Advising people against violence/aggression

[yorkie]

The scenario is that you have given advice to a young person that if someone is aggressive or violent towards them, they shouldn't be violent back...

But the young person tells you that their parents have told them to be like that.

And before anyone says 'tell them their parents are wrong', that really wouldn't be helpful or likely to get them to change, at least not worded quite so bluntly!

Has anyone successfully dealt with the above scenario, and how did you do it?

 

[ralphchadkirk]

I don't know how successful it was, but I've previously talked about how violence only puts them at risk of more serious retaliation, and how carrying weapons puts them at greater risk of being attacked themselves, rather than being protection. A factual, true, scare story sometimes works as well.

 

[DarloRich]

sorry but if you are attacked you must defend yourself. The application of violence in self defense is entirely justified in my eyes. Otherwise you simply become a soft touch and the bullies will be constantly on you.

When do you stand up for yourself? When they call you names? When they hit you? When they beat you up? When they steal your wallet? When they put you in hospital?

 

[yorkie]

DarloRich - What would you say if the aggression was during a sporting activity, e.g. a football game? And it wasn't about bullying but someone who was being too aggressive, and the other youngster lashing out as a result.

 

[DarloRich]

DarloRich - What would you say if the aggression was during a sporting activity, e.g. a football game? And it wasn't about bullying but someone who was being too aggressive, and the other youngster lashing out as a result.

well that's just silly - walk away - or you will be the one sent off.

 

[swj99]

sorry but if you are attacked you must defend yourself. The application of violence in self defense is entirely justified in my eyes......

Quite correct. And in the eyes of the law too.

DarloRich - What would you say if the aggression was during a sporting activity, e.g. a football game? And it wasn't about bullying but someone who was being too aggressive, and the other youngster lashing out as a result.

Seen exactly that happen, and watched it develop very quickly into fight. One youngster was smaller than the other so I got in between them, took old of the smaller one's wrist as he was swinging a punch, and said, "Don't !" which was enough to take the heat out of the situation. He's the one who would have got hurt badly if it had carried on much further. They both got the hint it was over. A few other people tried to make a drama out of it, but it had finished by the time they got there.

Whether to use violence back is a very difficult call. It depends on the context, and on the mentality of the other person / people involved. Some bullies take it as a sign of weakness and permission to carry on if you don't fight back, but others will use any retaliation as an excuse to be even more violent. Some of them like pain so if you have to use self defence, make it good enough so you have time to run away.