Ways to get more personal space on a crowded train

[GodAtum]

Apart from the obviuos, eg not washing, smelling of booze, what other ways could one use to get more personal space on a train? I was thinking one could wear something unusual (something this this: Regency Style Page Boy's Uniform) and maybe people would try not to bump into you.

 

[WatcherZero]

Put a newspaper down on the seat next to you.

 

[route:oxford]

Do the Eurostars still have a cell/isolation pod for troublemakers?

There was a celebrity, I can't remember who now, who would sit with a book inside a copy of Penthouse/Playboy. Nobody would distract him.

I would search for it, but I doubt if "celebrity porn" would be a narrow enough google search.

 

[ANorthernGuard]

Having a very strong curry the night before or pretend to scratch your head and complain about nits lol

 

[tbtc]

Do the Eurostars still have a cell/isolation pod for troublemakers?

There was a celebrity, I can't remember who now, who would sit with a book inside a copy of Penthouse/Playboy. Nobody would distract him.

I would search for it, but I doubt if "celebrity porn" would be a narrow enough google search.

I would laugh if this thread turned up for anyone googling it, they'd be in for a surprise/ disappointment!

Ken Livingstone used to have a good tactic on the Underground, smiling and grinning apparently scares people away from wanting to sit next to you

 

[Glenmutchkin]

Ken Livingstone used to have a good tactic on the Underground, smiling and grinning apparently scares people away from wanting to sit next to you

It's always worked for me.

 

[bnm]

Fart loudly.

Or get a big man to throw off the odd passenger.

 

[MidnightFlyer]

Clutch a Bible and say 'Do you know the word of the Good Lord's Son and Our Saviour Jesus Christ?'.

 

[Hydro]

Fart loudly.

Or get a big man to throw off the odd passenger.

"Pocket Big Man, the ideal Xmas present for the harrassed commuter!"

 

[Cliveblackpool]

Here's one from Billy Connolly
to clear some seats on BR - carry a raw egg in your hankerchief
squeeze in at a table seat
pretend to have a violent coughing fit, get out your hanky & and squeeze the egg

 

[Class172]

Sit in the luggage rack...

Oh, and don't make eye contact - sit in the isle seat with bags stacked on the window seat in such a way that it looks to them that if they ask you to move then it will cause a huge inconvenience.

 

[Hydro]

Sit in the luggage rack...

Seen in done many a time on a 4VEP travelling home from school!

 

[tsr]

Wear an orange hi-vis jacket. I guarantee that nobody will bother you (except if they are drunk or stupid, in which case it will probably be considerably easier for you to move away than it is for them to chase you).

 

[Blindtraveler]

eat beans on toast for breaky, lentil soup for lunch, chilli for dinner and snack on bananas!
alternatively date my X, never new a girl deal with TPE's overcrouded EDB services like she did!
Oh and if on an XC Voyager, find the stinkyest bog on the set, stand next to it and advise all prospective users you have food poisening and that they'd be better going to the next one!
If they remain unconvinced make pretend loud phonecalls to the environmental health dept of the council in whoos area you bought the takeaway responsible for your condition and demand they shut down the vendor at once or youl write to the times!

 

[jon0844]

Get out a copy of the Daily Mail and start reading the headlines out loud.

 

[Blindtraveler]

or as iv just experienced on a bus discuss your bosses sex life at high volume. It made me get off and wate for the next one it was so OTT

 

[AlterEgo]

Start reading your latest copy of Rail magazine.

 

[Minilad]

Clutch a Bible and say 'Do you know the word of the Good Lord's Son and Our Saviour Jesus Christ?'.

Could backfire spectacularly if they turn to you and say ooooh yes isn't it wonderful. Imagine 4 hours on a Voyager trapped in an airline seat next to a god botherer

If a woman is looking like she is going to sit next to you just wink and pat the seat. Then again this could also backfire spectacularly. Or it could end up with a win !!

 

[Mutant Lemming]

You could always get a job driving the thing - you'd get your own cupboard to yourself.

Alternatively you could perfect this look -

http://uk.images.search.yahoo.com/s...fr=yfp-t-702&va=jack+nicholson+in+the+shining

Incidentally before someone comments, curries DON'T work. In fact have found it to be the opposite with people wanting to cadge some scoff.

 

[MidnightFlyer]

Could backfire spectacularly if they turn to you and say ooooh yes isn't it wonderful. Imagine 4 hours on a Voyager trapped in an airline seat next to a god botherer

If they are, just say 'Well, I'm not. Perhaps you could iron out some inconsistencies in the Bible for me?' (Pull out list.) That should work.

 

[ANorthernGuard]

You could always get a job driving the thing - you'd get your own cupboard to yourself.

Alternatively you could perfect this look -

http://uk.images.search.yahoo.com/s...fr=yfp-t-702&va=jack+nicholson+in+the+shining

Incidentally before someone comments, curries DON'T work. In fact have found it to be the opposite with people wanting to cadge some scoff.

They do if you have eaten one the night before

 

[Nym]

Could backfire spectacularly if they turn to you and say ooooh yes isn't it wonderful. Imagine 4 hours on a Voyager trapped in an airline seat next to a god botherer

If a woman is looking like she is going to sit next to you just wink and pat the seat. Then again this could also backfire spectacularly. Or it could end up with a win !!

Some god botherers are OK, just the pushey ones are anoying, such as those in the street that shout preaching, is the only time I ever snoged my boyfriend in public, right infront of him... Interesting reaction

And yet again, I can't do the latter, if it did backfire like that she'd be rather dissapointed...

 

[Mutant Lemming]

They do if you have eaten one the night before

.. maybe if washed down with 14 pints of Old Growler.

 

[Minilad]

.. maybe if washed down with 14 pints of Old Growler.

Thats no way to describe my missus

 

[Nym]

Thats no way to describe my missus

If she was producing pints, or was measured in pints?

The former and latter are both reasons to like one's missus I'd beleive, although one who measures themself in pints is maybe rather silly... Better than gallons I suppose.

 

[Mutant Lemming]

Thats no way to describe my missus

I remember those Courage Best adverts.

 

[Tomonthetrain]

Sit talking about Parking Fines at a loud voice. Mixed with a healthy sprinkling of fake witchcraft!

 

[Tomonthetrain]

Or even have a smelly fart!

 

[dieselbashdave]

Eat something disgustingly smelly - take a small tub of hummus, garlic olive oil and some pickled onions drenched in Balsamic vinegar and proceed to eat it (don't blame me if you end up being violently sick 2 minutes later tho

 

[Kernowfem]

Play Justin Bieber from your phones MP3. Find a pile of dog poo, stand in it then proudly announce it to other passengers ever two minutes.
Pack a fresh mackrel in your bag/case. Farting loudly would be another good one.
Slyly keep splashing water on your face, shake and keep telling everyone you've just come back from Delhi and arent feeling too well.