Being friends with work colleagues

[168lover]

Not strictly work but the railway I volunteer at we're mostly all friends, especially amongst the younger volunteers where we are more family than colleagues. In the last 2 years 4 months of working here I've made some friends that I will hopefully keep for life.

 

[amateur]

Not strictly work but the railway I volunteer at we're mostly all friends, especially amongst the younger volunteers where we are more family than colleagues. In the last 2 years 4 months of working here I've made some friends that I will hopefully keep for life.

I've worked in small shops, 2-3 people where there's that close-knit almost family-like relationship. I've never felt like I've fitted in.

 

[fowler9]

If I may I'll give a coupe of examples. I was until recently a complaints manager. We had to re apply for a reduced number of better paid roles. I didn't get one due to various reasons not re applying due to a prolonged period of ill health being the main one. Now I am back to square one and am on the helpdesk. Whilst doing my very old job again I of course come in to contact over the phone with senior managers I used to deal with on a daily basis resolving complaints. Because I got to know them on a personal level they will still trust me and my judgement. I talk to them on a personal level, not like "I am just on the helpdesk and these people are senior managers". I talk to them like human beings, not like I am just the call centre and you are god. I got to where I was by talking to them like human beings and not just like I was doing my job. If you can get on with people it will get you a long way, for right or for wrong. Since I am back on the helpdesk I have customers asking me how I have got stuff done that others have failed to do for months. It is by being friendly, not best mates, just being friendly.

Basically I see getting on with the customers I speak to on the phone and the people I need to deal with within the company as being best practice. I don't see it as lying or being a fake, it makes my day go quicker and makes everyone elses day go quicker to. If that is how I see it then I am being genuine. I also genuinely do want our customers and my colleagues to have a good day to, it makes me feel good, if that is selfish or being un genuine then god damn me. Ha ha.

 

[amateur]

So my 3 month contract came to an end.

It was suggested that we should go for drinks sometime in the new year!!!

Do I bother staying in touch with these people or not. Do I jeopardise my chances of future jobs with them as I haven't made an effort to maintain contact. Or Do I Make contact in case so,etching becomes available in Feb march!

 

[Greenback]

I remain friends with (or at least in contact with) many people I used to work with. Some for more than 20 years! I don't see any harm in it, but only if you want to.

 

[J-2739]

So my 3 month contract came to an end.

It was suggested that we should go for drinks sometime in the new year!!!

Do I bother staying in touch with these people or not. Do I jeopardise my chances of future jobs with them as I haven't made an effort to maintain contact. Or Do I Make contact in case so,etching becomes available in Feb march!

Go for it! You may regret it later on, if you don't.

You should really try to keep in contact with the colleagues you at least get on with during work. Keeping relationships with people is a lifetime treasure, and would be a shame if you discarded them. Try opening up your interests so more people see you are an enjoyable person to be. Make yourself known to the group!

(I know you said only trains interest you, but who knows, maybe another of your colleagues have a similar interest also...)

 

[amateur]

Go for it! You may regret it later on, if you don't.

You should really try to keep in contact with the colleagues you at least get on with during work. Keeping relationships with people is a lifetime treasure, and would be a shame if you discarded them. Try opening up your interests so more people see you are an enjoyable person to be. Make yourself known to the group!

(I know you said only trains interest you, but who knows, maybe another of your colleagues have a similar interest also...)

The head honcho is a closet train enthusiast. although being the head honcho I had no communication with him (hierarchy). he did pop into the office on the 24th just to wish the staff a merry xmas. I could hear him talking enthusiastically with another colleague about his journey/commute into work. I had to keep schtum!

Well I need to pop by to return my keys and badge ...so maybe I'll brush by and say "hi". My original plan was to post them!

 

[fowler9]

So my 3 month contract came to an end.

It was suggested that we should go for drinks sometime in the new year!!!

Do I bother staying in touch with these people or not. Do I jeopardise my chances of future jobs with them as I haven't made an effort to maintain contact. Or Do I Make contact in case so,etching becomes available in Feb march!

Do what ever you feel comfortable with mate. I would say go out for a pint or an orange juice or whatever and if you are not comfortable have a get out, tell people in advance you have a cousins birthday you have to go to or something.

 

[richw]

So my 3 month contract came to an end.

It was suggested that we should go for drinks sometime in the new year!!!

Do I bother staying in touch with these people or not. Do I jeopardise my chances of future jobs with them as I haven't made an effort to maintain contact. Or Do I Make contact in case so,etching becomes available in Feb march!

Keep contact if you anticipate future employment opportunities. They'll remember you and remember they got on with you so would invite you back,

 

[fowler9]

The head honcho is a closet train enthusiast. although being the head honcho I had no communication with him (hierarchy). he did pop into the office on the 24th just to wish the staff a merry xmas. I could hear him talking enthusiastically with another colleague about his journey/commute into work. I had to keep schtum!

Well I need to pop by to return my keys and badge ...so maybe I'll brush by and say "hi". My original plan was to post them!

Yeah maybe think about doing that. If you have something in common with the boss then use it. What is the worst that can happen? You make friends with someone who likes the same kind of things as you.

 

[Peter Mugridge]

The head honcho is a closet train enthusiast. although being the head honcho I had no communication with him (hierarchy).

Seriously? They're that strict on communications?! Even the newest starter at the lowest rank in our place is encouraged to greet the divisional MD by his first name. Also the CEO. As long as nobody tries to short-circuit the procedures by going behind anyone's back, anyone can talk to anyone about anything.

 

[richw]

Seriously? They're that strict on communications?! Even the newest starter at the lowest rank in our place is encouraged to greet the divisional MD by his first name. Also the CEO. As long as nobody tries to short-circuit the procedures by going behind anyone's back, anyone can talk to anyone about anything.

This is the same with any company I've worked for. Biggest managers have always spoke with the lowest staff. It makes the staff feel more like one team.

 

[AnonymousUser1]

This is the same with any company I've worked for. Biggest managers have always spoke with the lowest staff. It makes the staff feel more like one team.

indeed , the only problems arise when people take things official wihout going through the correct channels ... however it is a matter of personal attitude and opinion fro mthe very highest if they want/ allow informal aqpporaches to be made when the official channels seem to be blocked

 

[amateur]

well i've decided not to stay in touch. i just find it completely fake. if they were genuine friends, they would make the effort to stay in touch with me. no ones contacted me since my leaving.

 

[fowler9]

well i've decided not to stay in touch. i just find it completely fake. if they were genuine friends, they would make the effort to stay in touch with me. no ones contacted me since my leaving.

Did you make any effort to contact them? Before leaving had you already given an air of not caring such as the one that started the thread? When you left did you give out any ways you could be contacted or express an interest in being contacted. Based on the whole thread it sounds like confirmation bias. To put it the way you did in the OP they all talk b*ll*cks, you aren't interested in anything they have to say. You leave and no one stays in touch and it proves to you that it isn't worth being friends with people fro work. You don't seem to give people much of a chance.

 

[amateur]

i said "i shall pop by, next time i'm in town" or words to that effect.
in my heart i don't want to stay in touch with any of them as "friends" as i don't class any of them as friends. just former work colleagues.

i've learned NOT to talk about work the whole time, but about other hobbies and interests ....but i just find that exhausting. when it comes to films and music ...i'm completely at a loss. a couple of em have my mobile/email,

 

[fowler9]

i said "i shall pop by, next time i'm in town" or words to that effect.
in my heart i don't want to stay in touch with any of them as "friends" as i don't class any of them as friends. just former work colleagues.

i've learned NOT to talk about work the whole time, but about other hobbies and interests ....but i just find that exhausting. when it comes to films and music ...i'm completely at a loss. a couple of em have my mobile/email,

The thing is mate, at least from what you have posted on here, your attitude screams out "I am not interested". People will pick up on this and think "Fair enough" and not contact you. When they don't contact you because of the way you behave it then backs up your feeling that they were not worth it even though you are to an extent responsible for the way people react to you.

Out of interest what would you do if someone you were friends with started working with you just by chance. Would they stop being your friend?

 

[43021HST]

Personally I think making friends at work is dependent on whether you enjoy your job, a positive frame of mind from wanting to be there definitely helps!

Also it depends on your suitability for the line of work you're doing, IE I know I probably wouldn't make too many friends if I worked within construction, but I'm more likely to make friends from working in IT, as certain types of job tend to attract people with similar mindsets.

 

[amateur]

Out of interest what would you do if someone you were friends with started working with you just by chance. Would they stop being your friend?

in the contract i just did, there was a member of staff in the same office, who i already knew from my old job. (same industry). we said hi bye, whenever we brushed paths in the building, but that was pretty much it. didn't stay in touch with the person. I didn't ask the person to put in a letter of recommendation for me! Should I have done?

Friends in high places . . .not what you know, who you know . . .

worked in job A. left for job B. "friend" in job A got made redundant. Told me he expressed an interest to work for employer B. I joked, "if you get a job here at employer B, we'll have to be on opposite shifts"

 

[fowler9]

in the contract i just did, there was a member of staff in the same office, who i already knew from my old job. (same industry). we said hi bye, whenever we brushed paths in the building, but that was pretty much it. didn't stay in touch with the person. I didn't ask the person to put in a letter of recommendation for me! Should I have done?

Friends in high places . . .not what you know, who you know . . .

worked in job A. left for job B. "friend" in job A got made redundant. Told me he expressed an interest to work for employer B. I joked, "if you get a job here at employer B, we'll have to be on opposite shifts"

I don't quite get what you are saying. What I meant was if you had a genuine friend from outside work who then ended up working with you how would you treat them?

I really don't get what you are saying here. You ended up working with someone you had worked with elsewhere, why would you have to ask them for a letter of recommendation if you already have the job?

In your last paragraph you refer to someone as a "friend" which I presume means they weren't a friend, they lost their job and when they wanted to work at your place you joked you would have to be on different shifts? I don't get the joke or see the relevance.

 

[amateur]

I don't quite get what you are saying. What I meant was if you had a genuine friend from outside work who then ended up working with you how would you treat them?

I really don't get what you are saying here. You ended up working with someone you had worked with elsewhere, why would you have to ask them for a letter of recommendation if you already have the job?

In your last paragraph you refer to someone as a "friend" which I presume means they weren't a friend, they lost their job and when they wanted to work at your place you joked you would have to be on different shifts? I don't get the joke or see the relevance.

Sorry, I was confusing former work colleagues with friends. So scrap what I just said.

I have no friends. So the situation you suggest would never arise in real life. I am a loner.

 

[RichmondCommu]

Sorry, I was confusing former work colleagues with friends. So scrap what I just said.

I have no friends. So the situation you suggest would never arise in real life. I am a loner.

Well we'd gathered that.

Just out of interest have you no desire to get laid as that would involve making friends and generally getting to know people.

 

[fowler9]

Sorry, I was confusing former work colleagues with friends. So scrap what I just said.

I have no friends. So the situation you suggest would never arise in real life. I am a loner.

Fair enough mate, as long as you are happy.

 

[43021HST]

Well we'd gathered that.

Just out of interest have you no desire to get laid as that would involve making friends and generally getting to know people.

I love how your idea of trying to establish a companionship with your colleagues and people you meet in general life has only an end game of 'getting laid'.
Tell me, how lonely are you?

 

[RichmondCommu]

I love how your idea of trying to establish a companionship with your colleagues and people you meet in general life has only an end game of 'getting laid'.
Tell me, how lonely are you?

Hmm. How lonely am I?

I'm very happily married with four amazing children. I've achieved all I ever set out to do and I'm blessed with many wonderful friends. Oh and I've had a successful career.

The OP has told us all that he has no friends and that he is a loner. My response to that was how does he expect to get laid. I'm really not sure why you have an issue with that.

 

[43021HST]

Hmm. How lonely am I?

I'm very happily married with four amazing children. I've achieved all I ever set out to do and I'm blessed with many wonderful friends. Oh and I've had a successful career.

The OP has told us all that he has no friends and that he is a loner. My response to that was how does he expect to get laid. I'm really not sure why you have an issue with that.

Annnnnnd we have a bite.

Well it came across in your initial post that, that was your overall end game, seeing as the OP didn't mention anything about that.

 

[RichmondCommu]

Annnnnnd we have a bite.

Well you asked me a question about my life and I gave you an answer

I'm glad that you can at my life. I wonder if I could do the same at your's?
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Well it came across in your initial post that, that was your overall end game, seeing as the OP didn't mention anything about that.

Did it? I would suggest that the OP might feel a whole lot better about life if he was to find a boy friend / girl friend. In which case he would soon discover that a strong physical relationship will have a positive effect on that relationship. Unless of course you know otherwise.

 

[43021HST]

Well you asked me a question about my life and I gave you an answer

I'm glad that you can at my life. I wonder if I could do the same at your's?

I assume you're wondering how I feel about my life? If so I'm currently happily engaged, recently received a job promotion and have a small but tight knit circle of friends, (I've never been the sort to want a massive circle of friends)

Did it? I would suggest that the OP might feel a whole lot better about life if he was to find a boy friend / girl friend. In which case he would soon discover that a strong physical relationship will have a positive effect on that relationship. Unless of course you know otherwise.

From personal experience I find being able to hold and maintain long term stable friendships, is a very important building block, learning how to have a long lasting resilient relationship, where physical relations are only a portion of the relationship, alongside finding intellectual, personal and spiritual companionship.

 

[fowler9]

I have come across few jobs in our modern service economy where being a loner has come across as being a positive boon.

 

[AlterEgo]

I have come across few jobs in our modern service economy where being a loner has come across as being a positive boon.

Train driver!